'Fear the Walking Dead' Brain-Dead Move of the Week: This Principal Is Not Your Pal

Every week on Fear the Walking Dead, someone does something stupid that needlessly endangers the lives of themselves and others. Here, we commemorate those decisions in the hopes that they won’t be repeated. But of course, we know they will be.

If Madison is qualified to be a high school guidance counselor, well… we weep for the future.

So last week, Madison — along with her boyfriend Travis and son Nick — saw Nick’s friend Calvin transform into an undead killing machine. Moaning, biting… the whole nine yards. So she should have this whole zombie thing all figured out by now, right? Hahahaha… it’s like you’ve never seen one of these shows before.

Related: Take a Bite Out of Our ‘Fear the Walking Dead’ Recaps

No, this week, Madison headed to her high school to score some contraband drugs to ease Nick’s withdrawal, and ran into her paranoid student Tobias — who knows all about the zombie apocalypse, from Twitter or something. They tried to make a speedy getaway when they ran into the school’s principal Artie… who’s not looking like anybody’s pal at this point:

Now, Madison, you’ve seen glassy-eyed people lurching around with open wounds before. Think back, all the way back to last week, when Calvin almost took a bite out of your arm. Remember that? So maybe don’t let Artie get anywhere close to you. But no, Madison walked right up to Zombie Artie like it’s Monday morning and he just asked about her weekend:

She tried to tell Artie she would get him “help” (is there a zombie rehab center we don’t know about?) and even let him get his hands on her before Tobias, thankfully, stepped in and stabbed at Artie with a knife. After a scuffle that almost ended with Artie feasting on Tobias, Madison finally recognized the gravity of the situation and went to work with a fire extinguisher. (That’s what you get for giving me a “less than satisfactory” on my annual review, Artie!)

Well, now that Madison has caved in her first zombie skull, we can only hope she’s learned from this experience and won’t do anything that stupid again. Hahahahaha… now it sounds like we’ve never seen one of these shows before!

Runners-Up: Alicia, for hugging her boyfriend Matt after he’s clearly been bit — and Madison and Travis for letting her! Again, they’ve seen what these things are capable of, so ignorance is no longer a valid excuse… the Salazars, for letting Travis and his ex-wife and son hide out with them. These people are complete strangers! Yes, we get it, you’re being nice — but there’s a reason why everyone who’s left alive on The Walking Dead is a mean, cold-hearted bastard… Alicia, again, for not tying back her pretty, pretty hair before cleaning up Nick’s puke:

Fear the Walking Dead airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on AMC.