‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Preview: Hookups And Horror

So who, exactly, will be hooking up in the pathos petri dish known as Bachelor in Paradise? This new promo gives us a tantalizing glimpse at the beach-bound “faux-mances” coming our way in Season 3. Evan the erectile dysfunction specialist from JoJo’s season of The Bachelorette tells Amanda — the single mom that Ben unceremoniously dumped after hometown dates on last season of The Bachelor — that he came on Paradise specifically to meet her, and doesn’t she look thrilled?

Related: ‘Bachelor in Paradise’: 5 Things We Learned From the New Promo

Speaking of abject horror, something clearly upsets Jubilee on her date with Jared — perhaps Ashley I. shows up with an axe?

As for Jared, it looks like he’s once again the hot commodity of Paradise; the promo opens with footage of him in a steamy embrace with Caila-the-almost-Bachelorette from Ben’s season.

Can anyone explain to me what the “ladies” see in Jared and his patchy facial scruff? I just don’t get it. We’ll have to tune in to find out, I suppose — see you there, rose lovers!

Bachelor in Paradise premieres Tuesday, August 2 at 8 p.m. on ABC

Related: 5 ‘Bachelor’ Couples Who Deserve Their Own Reality Show