'Justified': The 30 Funniest Moments
Updated
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "Wrong Roads"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is in possession of one healthy ego, certainly when it comes to his appeal to the ladies. But when his latest fling, Allison (guest star Amy Smart), refuses his offer of a vacay to Miami on his dime, he drowns his shock and disappointment in drink. While at the bar, he meets Kayla, another attractive, younger woman, who lets it be known right away that she is interested. He's flattered, and asks if she would have turned down his gift of a new bikini and a trip to the Sunshine State. "Think I'd go with you right now, you wanted," she says, before landing another blow to Raylan's confidence. "My rate is normally $1,000 per day, but for you, knock it down to $500. — Kimberly Potts
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is in possession of one healthy ego, certainly when it comes to his appeal to the ladies. But when his latest fling, Allison (guest star Amy Smart), refuses his offer of a vacay to Miami on his dime, he drowns his shock and disappointment in drink. While at the bar, he meets Kayla, another attractive, younger woman, who lets it be known right away that she is interested. He's flattered, and asks if she would have turned down his gift of a new bikini and a trip to the Sunshine State. "Think I'd go with you right now, you wanted," she says, before landing another blow to Raylan's confidence. "My rate is normally $1,000 per day, but for you, knock it down to $500. — Kimberly Potts
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Hole in the Wall"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: "Let 'em keep thinking I'm a joke," Harlan County Constable Bob Sweeney (played by comedian Patton Oswalt) says when we first meet him in the Season 4 premiere. "They underestimate me at their peril." And yet that's exactly what we do with Bob — underestimate him. Even though the cuddly constable reminisces about putting a school bully in a coma and offers to mount up with Raylan ("When s--t gets serious, give me a call," Bob says), we still see Bob as a glorified security guard with serious Barney Fife syndrome. So when Bob bids goodbye to Raylan by saying, "Stay frosty" — as if they're brothers-in-arms — even Raylan looks like he's trying not to laugh. — Sid Lipsey
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: "Let 'em keep thinking I'm a joke," Harlan County Constable Bob Sweeney (played by comedian Patton Oswalt) says when we first meet him in the Season 4 premiere. "They underestimate me at their peril." And yet that's exactly what we do with Bob — underestimate him. Even though the cuddly constable reminisces about putting a school bully in a coma and offers to mount up with Raylan ("When s--t gets serious, give me a call," Bob says), we still see Bob as a glorified security guard with serious Barney Fife syndrome. So when Bob bids goodbye to Raylan by saying, "Stay frosty" — as if they're brothers-in-arms — even Raylan looks like he's trying not to laugh. — Sid Lipsey
SEASON 3 EPISODE: "Harlan Roulette"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan has spent most of the series running from anything that even hints at domesticity, so it's an amusing discussion that takes place when he and Winona (Natalie Zea) get into the specifics of their real estate wish list while sitting at a café and planning a house-hunting outing. "It's got two sinks. Double bowl vanity, that's what they called it," Raylan says. "Figure that, and a separate commode area… could add three, four years onto our relationship." Winona pokes a little fun at the fact that Raylan uses the word "commode." "I thought it sounded better than 'crapper,'" he replies. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan has spent most of the series running from anything that even hints at domesticity, so it's an amusing discussion that takes place when he and Winona (Natalie Zea) get into the specifics of their real estate wish list while sitting at a café and planning a house-hunting outing. "It's got two sinks. Double bowl vanity, that's what they called it," Raylan says. "Figure that, and a separate commode area… could add three, four years onto our relationship." Winona pokes a little fun at the fact that Raylan uses the word "commode." "I thought it sounded better than 'crapper,'" he replies. — KP
SEASON 2 EPISODE: "The Spoil"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Dickie (Emmy winner Jeremy Davies) and Coover (Brad William Henke) bring along a little friend when they try to intimidate Boyd (Walton Goggins) into stopping his work with the land-nabbing Black Pike mining company. Before the Bennett boys can unleash the creature, however, Ava (Joelle Carter) puts a bullet in the bag carrying it. "You killed Charlie!" brokenhearted Coover laments. Viewers never see the animal, but in the minds of the writers — who debated whether the idea, pitched by Olyphant and his driver, was too Coen Brothers or just Coen Brothers enough — Charlie was a pet badger. — Mandi Bierly
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Dickie (Emmy winner Jeremy Davies) and Coover (Brad William Henke) bring along a little friend when they try to intimidate Boyd (Walton Goggins) into stopping his work with the land-nabbing Black Pike mining company. Before the Bennett boys can unleash the creature, however, Ava (Joelle Carter) puts a bullet in the bag carrying it. "You killed Charlie!" brokenhearted Coover laments. Viewers never see the animal, but in the minds of the writers — who debated whether the idea, pitched by Olyphant and his driver, was too Coen Brothers or just Coen Brothers enough — Charlie was a pet badger. — Mandi Bierly
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Kin"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: For two guys on opposite sides of the law, Raylan and Boyd end up in shared predicaments quite often. During their first meeting in Season 4, they're both held captive by a violent family in the Kentucky hills. While they're locked up in a shed, Raylan comes up with what he thinks will be a life-saving get-out-of-jail-free card: an old photo proving that Raylan is related to his captors. But the family reunion doesn't go as planned. Not only do their captors not buy Raylan's claim of kinship, they drag Boyd out of the shed by his legs — as Boyd yells, "I DON'T LIKE YOUR PLAN, RAYLAN!" — and beat the crap out of him. In retrospect, maybe Raylan should have let Boyd do the talking. — SL
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: For two guys on opposite sides of the law, Raylan and Boyd end up in shared predicaments quite often. During their first meeting in Season 4, they're both held captive by a violent family in the Kentucky hills. While they're locked up in a shed, Raylan comes up with what he thinks will be a life-saving get-out-of-jail-free card: an old photo proving that Raylan is related to his captors. But the family reunion doesn't go as planned. Not only do their captors not buy Raylan's claim of kinship, they drag Boyd out of the shed by his legs — as Boyd yells, "I DON'T LIKE YOUR PLAN, RAYLAN!" — and beat the crap out of him. In retrospect, maybe Raylan should have let Boyd do the talking. — SL
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "Shot All the Hell"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Every now and then we get reminded why Art (Nick Searcy) is the boss. After confronting one of Theo Tonin's hitmen (guest star Alan Tudyk) in the parking lot of a diner, Art goes inside and joins Wynn (Jere Burns), Mikey (Jonathan Kowalsky), and the mark, Picker (John Kapelos), at their table. The hitman follows, and when the standoff reaches a pregnant pause, Wynn loses patience: "Does anybody mind if I order?" When Art gives the hitman 10 seconds to leave before he shoots him, Wynn offers the guy some friendly advice: "FYI: That's kind of a thing with these Marshals." It's one of Season 5's best scenes. — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Every now and then we get reminded why Art (Nick Searcy) is the boss. After confronting one of Theo Tonin's hitmen (guest star Alan Tudyk) in the parking lot of a diner, Art goes inside and joins Wynn (Jere Burns), Mikey (Jonathan Kowalsky), and the mark, Picker (John Kapelos), at their table. The hitman follows, and when the standoff reaches a pregnant pause, Wynn loses patience: "Does anybody mind if I order?" When Art gives the hitman 10 seconds to leave before he shoots him, Wynn offers the guy some friendly advice: "FYI: That's kind of a thing with these Marshals." It's one of Season 5's best scenes. — MB
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "The Weight"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: This episode will be remembered for two things: Danny Crowe’s death (which, spoiler alert, is higher up on the list) and the return of Dickie Bennett. Raylan pays his wheelchair-bound nemesis a visit in prison and asks where he can find Dewey Crowe (Damon Herriman). Cue Dickie describing how Raylan should get a map, follow Route 9 southbound with his finger until he's pointing at his a--hole, then stick his hand (and the rest of him) up inside until he winks out of existence. All Olyphant can do is rest his head on his hands and watch Davies work his magic, complete with sound effects. —MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: This episode will be remembered for two things: Danny Crowe’s death (which, spoiler alert, is higher up on the list) and the return of Dickie Bennett. Raylan pays his wheelchair-bound nemesis a visit in prison and asks where he can find Dewey Crowe (Damon Herriman). Cue Dickie describing how Raylan should get a map, follow Route 9 southbound with his finger until he's pointing at his a--hole, then stick his hand (and the rest of him) up inside until he winks out of existence. All Olyphant can do is rest his head on his hands and watch Davies work his magic, complete with sound effects. —MB
SEASON 2 EPISODE: "Full Commitment"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: When Gutterson (Jacob Pitts) is assigned to be Raylan’s bodyguard, they both know Raylan will eventually try to ditch him. "I gotta talk to some people, alone. So, either you let me go, or I'm gonna have to give you the slip," Raylan explains. "I love this s--t. This s--t makes me hard," Gutterson responds. "Well, then, we’ve both been warned," Raylan says. Ultimately, Raylan ducks out at a convenience store during an ice cream run, and Gutterson (who we also learn is a fan of The Bodyguard) continues to use that colorful metaphor to describe his excitement level for seasons to come. — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: When Gutterson (Jacob Pitts) is assigned to be Raylan’s bodyguard, they both know Raylan will eventually try to ditch him. "I gotta talk to some people, alone. So, either you let me go, or I'm gonna have to give you the slip," Raylan explains. "I love this s--t. This s--t makes me hard," Gutterson responds. "Well, then, we’ve both been warned," Raylan says. Ultimately, Raylan ducks out at a convenience store during an ice cream run, and Gutterson (who we also learn is a fan of The Bodyguard) continues to use that colorful metaphor to describe his excitement level for seasons to come. — MB
SEASON 1 EPISODE: "Long in the Tooth"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Fugitive cartel accountant-turned-dentist Rollie (guest star Alan Ruck) finds himself caught between a sniper and Raylan's sense of humor on the Mexican border. In between shots, Raylan asks Rollie why he became a dentist. Injured Rollie hesitates because he knows Raylan will laugh. The answer: because of Hermie, the elf who makes toys but wants to be a dentist in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. "Oh, the little gay dude!" Raylan yells. "He's not gay!" "Rollie, you tryin' to tell me you’re gay?" "I'm not gay!" It's the biggest smile we'd ever see on deadpan Raylan's face. — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Fugitive cartel accountant-turned-dentist Rollie (guest star Alan Ruck) finds himself caught between a sniper and Raylan's sense of humor on the Mexican border. In between shots, Raylan asks Rollie why he became a dentist. Injured Rollie hesitates because he knows Raylan will laugh. The answer: because of Hermie, the elf who makes toys but wants to be a dentist in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. "Oh, the little gay dude!" Raylan yells. "He's not gay!" "Rollie, you tryin' to tell me you’re gay?" "I'm not gay!" It's the biggest smile we'd ever see on deadpan Raylan's face. — MB
SEASON 3 EPISODE: "Harlan Roulette"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: To quote Raylan when he finds pawn shop owner/drug dealer Fogle (Pruitt Taylor Vince) at the home of Wade Messer (James LeGros), "I think the question you should ask is whether I care if you ride out of here cuffed in the back of my car or get carried out of here in a coroner's bag. The answer is me and dead owls don't give a hoot." But actually, Raylan doesn't want to shoot Fogle, who takes the time to ask Raylan which neighborhood he's house-hunting in ("The greater Lexington area of kiss my a--," Raylan says) before offering to turn on Wynn Duffy. Just when Raylan appears to have the situation under control, Fogle's high associate (Eric Ladin) decides he wants to rat on Fogle. The two argue over who's going to make a deal with Raylan as he pleads with them to lower their weapons. They end up shooting each other. To quote Raylan again, "S--t." — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: To quote Raylan when he finds pawn shop owner/drug dealer Fogle (Pruitt Taylor Vince) at the home of Wade Messer (James LeGros), "I think the question you should ask is whether I care if you ride out of here cuffed in the back of my car or get carried out of here in a coroner's bag. The answer is me and dead owls don't give a hoot." But actually, Raylan doesn't want to shoot Fogle, who takes the time to ask Raylan which neighborhood he's house-hunting in ("The greater Lexington area of kiss my a--," Raylan says) before offering to turn on Wynn Duffy. Just when Raylan appears to have the situation under control, Fogle's high associate (Eric Ladin) decides he wants to rat on Fogle. The two argue over who's going to make a deal with Raylan as he pleads with them to lower their weapons. They end up shooting each other. To quote Raylan again, "S--t." — MB
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "The Toll"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: This one makes the list as one of the most darkly funny moments in Justified history, and as a method of execution that proudly honors the spirit of Elmore Leonard’s writing. Boyd, all too aware that he's on Detroit mobster Picker's hit list, takes some preemptive action. While in a meeting with Picker, Wynn, and Katherine (Mary Steenburgen) in Wynn's hotel room, Boyd stirs up a ruckus with Picker that causes Wynn and Katherine to leave the sitting area. Boyd then takes out a pack of cigarettes, stealthily clicks the pack, and tosses it to Picker. "S--t'll kill you," Picker says, a split second before the pack explodes and does just that. Bomb expert Boyd had rigged the cigs with Emulex, leaving parts of Picker splattered all over Wynn's room and immediate danger averted. —KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: This one makes the list as one of the most darkly funny moments in Justified history, and as a method of execution that proudly honors the spirit of Elmore Leonard’s writing. Boyd, all too aware that he's on Detroit mobster Picker's hit list, takes some preemptive action. While in a meeting with Picker, Wynn, and Katherine (Mary Steenburgen) in Wynn's hotel room, Boyd stirs up a ruckus with Picker that causes Wynn and Katherine to leave the sitting area. Boyd then takes out a pack of cigarettes, stealthily clicks the pack, and tosses it to Picker. "S--t'll kill you," Picker says, a split second before the pack explodes and does just that. Bomb expert Boyd had rigged the cigs with Emulex, leaving parts of Picker splattered all over Wynn's room and immediate danger averted. —KP
SEASON 3 EPISODE: "The Devil You Know"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan catches up with dirty guard Ash (Todd Stashwick) and runs him over with his car. Twice. Why? Because as Yost told Entertainment Weekly, "Hitting a guy once with a car? That's OK. Twice? That's funny." Particularly when the guy rises like a zombie after the first hit and fires his gun with his arm bent backwards. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan catches up with dirty guard Ash (Todd Stashwick) and runs him over with his car. Twice. Why? Because as Yost told Entertainment Weekly, "Hitting a guy once with a car? That's OK. Twice? That's funny." Particularly when the guy rises like a zombie after the first hit and fires his gun with his arm bent backwards. — KP
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "A Murder of Crowes"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Of course, Dewey Crowe would take his $300,000 settlement, buy Audrey's, and hire Messer as his bartender. Messer's classic greeting, "Hey, Raylan… Can I get you a blowjob or somethin'?" was inscribed on LeGros's goodbye cake later that season. But it's Dewey playing naked Marco Polo with two prostitutes in a large inflatable pool — that Raylan could shoot a hole in when Dewey failed to provide information on the Florida Crowes — that's truly inspired. — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Of course, Dewey Crowe would take his $300,000 settlement, buy Audrey's, and hire Messer as his bartender. Messer's classic greeting, "Hey, Raylan… Can I get you a blowjob or somethin'?" was inscribed on LeGros's goodbye cake later that season. But it's Dewey playing naked Marco Polo with two prostitutes in a large inflatable pool — that Raylan could shoot a hole in when Dewey failed to provide information on the Florida Crowes — that's truly inspired. — MB
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Kin"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan's never been much for long, drawn-out interrogations (this is "Justified," not "Law & Order"). So when retired scam artist Josiah Cairn (Gerald McRaney) proves uncooperative when Raylan seeks him out for information, Raylan goes to Plan B: He handcuffs Josiah to his rearview mirror and drags the old thief alongside the moving car until Josiah gives up what he knows. Effective, although not exactly textbook. "You can't do this!" a winded Josiah yells. "Sure I can," replies Raylan, "as long as I got gas."— SL
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan's never been much for long, drawn-out interrogations (this is "Justified," not "Law & Order"). So when retired scam artist Josiah Cairn (Gerald McRaney) proves uncooperative when Raylan seeks him out for information, Raylan goes to Plan B: He handcuffs Josiah to his rearview mirror and drags the old thief alongside the moving car until Josiah gives up what he knows. Effective, although not exactly textbook. "You can't do this!" a winded Josiah yells. "Sure I can," replies Raylan, "as long as I got gas."— SL
SEASON 1 EPISODE: "The Hammer"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: When paramedics respond to an emergency call at the home of Judge Reardon (guest star Stephen Root), they find his honor splayed on his bed in nothing but a pair of bright yellow undies, ordering a woman named Brandy with her face in the general area of his nether regions to suck harder. But Reardon explains — and a quick pan to a dead cottonmouth on the floor confirms — that he was bitten by a snake when he slid into bed, and Brandy is merely trying to, um, rid his body of the poisons. "Cottonmouth about to fix its fangs right into my you-know-what. That would've been the case, I would have called Jack Kevorkian instead of 911," Reardon says. The head paramedic tells Reardon to "just relax, your honor. We'll get you squared away." And to Brandy, he says: "Ma'am, you can stop sucking." — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: When paramedics respond to an emergency call at the home of Judge Reardon (guest star Stephen Root), they find his honor splayed on his bed in nothing but a pair of bright yellow undies, ordering a woman named Brandy with her face in the general area of his nether regions to suck harder. But Reardon explains — and a quick pan to a dead cottonmouth on the floor confirms — that he was bitten by a snake when he slid into bed, and Brandy is merely trying to, um, rid his body of the poisons. "Cottonmouth about to fix its fangs right into my you-know-what. That would've been the case, I would have called Jack Kevorkian instead of 911," Reardon says. The head paramedic tells Reardon to "just relax, your honor. We'll get you squared away." And to Brandy, he says: "Ma'am, you can stop sucking." — KP
SEASON 1 EPISODE: "Blowback"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Prisoner Cal Wallace (W. Earl Brown) has taken two guards hostage at the marshals office, not because he thinks he can escape, but because he's upset about the way he's been treated by prison guards. Raylan decides a little conversation and a bucket of extra spicy fried chicken — Wallace's fave — from local eatery Zippy's might serve to satiate his appetite for snacks and revenge. But when Gutterson arrives at the chicken house to fetch the vittles, the cook tells him the fryer is shut down and the last order has been bagged for another customer. "I'm officially requisitioning this chicken," Gutterson says, grabbing the 24-piece and heading back to the office. What should he tell the customer whose chicken has gone MIA, the cook asks. "Tell 'em the U.S. Marshal Service is grateful for their patriotism," Gutterson says. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Prisoner Cal Wallace (W. Earl Brown) has taken two guards hostage at the marshals office, not because he thinks he can escape, but because he's upset about the way he's been treated by prison guards. Raylan decides a little conversation and a bucket of extra spicy fried chicken — Wallace's fave — from local eatery Zippy's might serve to satiate his appetite for snacks and revenge. But when Gutterson arrives at the chicken house to fetch the vittles, the cook tells him the fryer is shut down and the last order has been bagged for another customer. "I'm officially requisitioning this chicken," Gutterson says, grabbing the 24-piece and heading back to the office. What should he tell the customer whose chicken has gone MIA, the cook asks. "Tell 'em the U.S. Marshal Service is grateful for their patriotism," Gutterson says. — KP
SEASON 1 EPISODE: "Bulletville"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Trapped with Boyd and Ava inside a cabin taking fire from Miami thugs at the end of the Season 1 finale, Raylan is forced to join forces with Boyd. "You didn’t happen to bring your rocket launcher, did ya?" Raylan asks him. "I didn't think to pack one," Boyd says. The bad guys insist they just want Raylan. "I'm Raylan Givens," Raylan yells. "No, I'm Raylan Givens!" Boyd shouts. "You tryin' to be funny?" Raylan asks. "A little." — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Trapped with Boyd and Ava inside a cabin taking fire from Miami thugs at the end of the Season 1 finale, Raylan is forced to join forces with Boyd. "You didn’t happen to bring your rocket launcher, did ya?" Raylan asks him. "I didn't think to pack one," Boyd says. The bad guys insist they just want Raylan. "I'm Raylan Givens," Raylan yells. "No, I'm Raylan Givens!" Boyd shouts. "You tryin' to be funny?" Raylan asks. "A little." — MB
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "Wrong Road"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: It's the kind of scene Justified fans live for: Raylan and multiple bad guys in one room. First, Roscoe and Jay (real-life brothers Steve and Wood Harris) interrupt Boyd's negotiation with Daryl Crowe Jr. (Michael Rapaport) Wynn, and Picker, and a frustrated Boyd suggests they just pull their guns and see where the dust settles. Luckily, Raylan and DEA Agent Alex Miller (guest star Eric Roberts) enter next with their weapons drawn. "Miller, would you call this a herd, a gaggle, or a flock of a--holes?" Raylan asks. "I would call this a United Nations of A--holes," Miller responds. "Well, that's funny," Boyd quips, "because we were just discussin' ratifying some s--t!" The scene reaches its climax when Roscoe, who hasn't exactly been a talker up to this point, suddenly launches into a brilliant monologue about King Lear's "bitcha-- daughters" changing their deal with their father. Raylan admits he doesn't understand why Roscoe's quoting Lear ("Reason not the need"), but he's interested. "Well, in the analogy, we be Lear. And we just want what's rightfully ours, and then we out, never to be seen again," Roscoe explains. "And well,” he adds, looking at the other bad guys, "they the bitches. You can have them and their kingdom." Nice try, Roscoe. — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: It's the kind of scene Justified fans live for: Raylan and multiple bad guys in one room. First, Roscoe and Jay (real-life brothers Steve and Wood Harris) interrupt Boyd's negotiation with Daryl Crowe Jr. (Michael Rapaport) Wynn, and Picker, and a frustrated Boyd suggests they just pull their guns and see where the dust settles. Luckily, Raylan and DEA Agent Alex Miller (guest star Eric Roberts) enter next with their weapons drawn. "Miller, would you call this a herd, a gaggle, or a flock of a--holes?" Raylan asks. "I would call this a United Nations of A--holes," Miller responds. "Well, that's funny," Boyd quips, "because we were just discussin' ratifying some s--t!" The scene reaches its climax when Roscoe, who hasn't exactly been a talker up to this point, suddenly launches into a brilliant monologue about King Lear's "bitcha-- daughters" changing their deal with their father. Raylan admits he doesn't understand why Roscoe's quoting Lear ("Reason not the need"), but he's interested. "Well, in the analogy, we be Lear. And we just want what's rightfully ours, and then we out, never to be seen again," Roscoe explains. "And well,” he adds, looking at the other bad guys, "they the bitches. You can have them and their kingdom." Nice try, Roscoe. — MB
SEASON 2 EPISODE: "The I of the Storm"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Dewey Crowe is all about retrieving a big bag of Oxycontin that was stolen by rival thugs. He tries to buy a ski mask — a hapless proposition in Kentucky, a store clerk points out to him — but settles on a cowboy hat, instead. He wears the topper to bust in on the Oxy pilferers, announcing, "I'm Federal Marshal Raylan Givens! Don't nobody mess with me around these parts," and demanding the drugs. Dewey fires his gun and makes the robbers get down on the floor, where they finally tell "Marshal Givens" the Oxy stash is hidden in the microwave. "Do you have any idea who you're messing with?" the men ask fake Raylan. "Hmmm, let me see, is he a federal marshal like I am? Then I don't give a s--t," Dewey says, continuing his Raylan ruse, and for one brief moment, enjoying the kind of badass Givens antics on which he usually finds himself on the receiving end. He attempts to regale Boyd with the tale of his adventures, and enjoys a brief romp with a pair of Ava's girls before, of course, Raylan brings a swift end to his fun. But you have to love it when a Dewey plan comes together, no matter how briefly it might last. —KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Dewey Crowe is all about retrieving a big bag of Oxycontin that was stolen by rival thugs. He tries to buy a ski mask — a hapless proposition in Kentucky, a store clerk points out to him — but settles on a cowboy hat, instead. He wears the topper to bust in on the Oxy pilferers, announcing, "I'm Federal Marshal Raylan Givens! Don't nobody mess with me around these parts," and demanding the drugs. Dewey fires his gun and makes the robbers get down on the floor, where they finally tell "Marshal Givens" the Oxy stash is hidden in the microwave. "Do you have any idea who you're messing with?" the men ask fake Raylan. "Hmmm, let me see, is he a federal marshal like I am? Then I don't give a s--t," Dewey says, continuing his Raylan ruse, and for one brief moment, enjoying the kind of badass Givens antics on which he usually finds himself on the receiving end. He attempts to regale Boyd with the tale of his adventures, and enjoys a brief romp with a pair of Ava's girls before, of course, Raylan brings a swift end to his fun. But you have to love it when a Dewey plan comes together, no matter how briefly it might last. —KP
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Hole in the Wall"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: It's a typical Justified standoff with a hilariously explosive twist. Raylan has a gun pointed at the head of wanted murderer Jody Adair (guest star Chris Chalk), who's sitting in a parked car with his own gun pointed right back at Raylan. "You're not gonna shoot me," Jody says, taunting the marshal. Raylan responds, "No, I ain't," and then fires at the steering wheel — deploying the airbag right in Jody's face. After watching Raylan do his Wyatt Earp act so often, it's fun to watch him pull a MacGyver. Honorable mention: Raylan vs. Jody: Part II, in the Season 4 episode "Money Trap." Despite being one of the few people in Justified history to survive an armed standoff with Raylan Givens, Jody is determined to push his luck. He challenges Raylan to a rematch in an unconventional way: a bizarre video (with proper end credits) that looks like David Fincher did a Nike commercial. "That's how I see the world — goin' around like this basketball," Jody says to the camera while handling a basketball as well as can be expected from a wounded fugitive. "We gonna take it to the edge." Jody does get his rematch. Unfortunately for him, it's not an airbag Raylan ends up shooting. — SL
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: It's a typical Justified standoff with a hilariously explosive twist. Raylan has a gun pointed at the head of wanted murderer Jody Adair (guest star Chris Chalk), who's sitting in a parked car with his own gun pointed right back at Raylan. "You're not gonna shoot me," Jody says, taunting the marshal. Raylan responds, "No, I ain't," and then fires at the steering wheel — deploying the airbag right in Jody's face. After watching Raylan do his Wyatt Earp act so often, it's fun to watch him pull a MacGyver. Honorable mention: Raylan vs. Jody: Part II, in the Season 4 episode "Money Trap." Despite being one of the few people in Justified history to survive an armed standoff with Raylan Givens, Jody is determined to push his luck. He challenges Raylan to a rematch in an unconventional way: a bizarre video (with proper end credits) that looks like David Fincher did a Nike commercial. "That's how I see the world — goin' around like this basketball," Jody says to the camera while handling a basketball as well as can be expected from a wounded fugitive. "We gonna take it to the edge." Jody does get his rematch. Unfortunately for him, it's not an airbag Raylan ends up shooting. — SL
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Decoy"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: In another of the series' best episodes, Constable Bob Sweeney plays a key role in the marshal office's efforts to keep bank robber-turned-cop Drew Thompson (Jim Beaver) alive and spirited out of Harlan before mobster Theo Tonin can have him killed. Everyone has underestimated Bob as a guy capable of doing little more than serving legal papers, but when Tonin thug Yolo (Bobby Campo) beats Bob bloody, he still refuses to share intel on Thompson's whereabouts, instead making references to Dr. Drew, Nancy Drew, and Drewbacca. His defiance angers Yolo into pounding him to within an inch of irreparable damage, until a fierce Bob rebounds, stabbing Yolo and shooting him, just as Raylan arrives. "Bob, can you walk?" Raylan asks. "Why don't you carry me," jokes the heroic Bob, who Raylan later describes as "a tough sonofab----."— KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: In another of the series' best episodes, Constable Bob Sweeney plays a key role in the marshal office's efforts to keep bank robber-turned-cop Drew Thompson (Jim Beaver) alive and spirited out of Harlan before mobster Theo Tonin can have him killed. Everyone has underestimated Bob as a guy capable of doing little more than serving legal papers, but when Tonin thug Yolo (Bobby Campo) beats Bob bloody, he still refuses to share intel on Thompson's whereabouts, instead making references to Dr. Drew, Nancy Drew, and Drewbacca. His defiance angers Yolo into pounding him to within an inch of irreparable damage, until a fierce Bob rebounds, stabbing Yolo and shooting him, just as Raylan arrives. "Bob, can you walk?" Raylan asks. "Why don't you carry me," jokes the heroic Bob, who Raylan later describes as "a tough sonofab----."— KP
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Get Drew"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Art has been around long enough to have seen more than his fair share of bad guys, but even he is impressed by the audacity, skills, and longevity of Drew Thompson, the bank robber he and his team are furiously trying to capture in this episode. As Art — almost in awe of Drew's deeds — explains to Raylan, "First thing we're gonna do is, we're gonna acknowledge that this guy's awesome. I mean, he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in a spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan County with enough coke and cash to jump-start the economy of a small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement, not once, but two times. He spends a couple of days riding around with you, while you're looking for him, and now he's run off with a hooker that's half his age. That's some badass s--t." Raylan: "It's pretty badass." — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Art has been around long enough to have seen more than his fair share of bad guys, but even he is impressed by the audacity, skills, and longevity of Drew Thompson, the bank robber he and his team are furiously trying to capture in this episode. As Art — almost in awe of Drew's deeds — explains to Raylan, "First thing we're gonna do is, we're gonna acknowledge that this guy's awesome. I mean, he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in a spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan County with enough coke and cash to jump-start the economy of a small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement, not once, but two times. He spends a couple of days riding around with you, while you're looking for him, and now he's run off with a hooker that's half his age. That's some badass s--t." Raylan: "It's pretty badass." — KP
SEASON 3 EPISODE: "Thick as Mud"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Dewey Crowe, easily the dumbest criminal in Harlan's rogues gallery, hits new levels of dim-wittedness in this episode. Dewey is drugged and awakens to find himself in a bloody bathtub with two incisions in his abdomen. His captor, crooked prison medic Lance (Clayne Crawford), tells Dewey he's removed both of his kidneys and will sell them on the black market unless Dewey comes up with $20,000 to buy them back. Convinced he has four hours to get the money before he dies, Dewey embarks on the most ill-fated crime spree since the Wet Bandits in Home Alone — which ends with him barricaded in a convenience store with Raylan trying to talk him out. Raylan, skeptical of Dewey's kidney ransom claim, tells Dewey to test for his kidneys' presence by... relieving himself. When he finds he's able to do so, a still-clueless Dewey yells, "Holy s--t! You mean I have four kidneys?" — SL
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Dewey Crowe, easily the dumbest criminal in Harlan's rogues gallery, hits new levels of dim-wittedness in this episode. Dewey is drugged and awakens to find himself in a bloody bathtub with two incisions in his abdomen. His captor, crooked prison medic Lance (Clayne Crawford), tells Dewey he's removed both of his kidneys and will sell them on the black market unless Dewey comes up with $20,000 to buy them back. Convinced he has four hours to get the money before he dies, Dewey embarks on the most ill-fated crime spree since the Wet Bandits in Home Alone — which ends with him barricaded in a convenience store with Raylan trying to talk him out. Raylan, skeptical of Dewey's kidney ransom claim, tells Dewey to test for his kidneys' presence by... relieving himself. When he finds he's able to do so, a still-clueless Dewey yells, "Holy s--t! You mean I have four kidneys?" — SL
SEASON 4 EPISODE: "Hole in the Wall"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Ellen May (Abby Miller), one of the working girls on Ava's roster, has never been the sharpest tool in the trailer, but after she snorts up some of the drugs customer Arnold (Brian Howe) shares with her — using a rolled-up million dollar bill she thinks is real — Arnold tells her to close her eyes and wait for a surprise. He emerges growling and wearing what is admittedly a not-so-unrealistic looking bear costume. Ellen May, in her enhanced state, thinks she's really being attacked by a bear, so she pulls a gun from her side table and begins firing away at her furry john. Arnold survives, fortunately... or maybe not, from his point of view, as the powerful local businessman becomes a favorite blackmail target of Boyd's. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Ellen May (Abby Miller), one of the working girls on Ava's roster, has never been the sharpest tool in the trailer, but after she snorts up some of the drugs customer Arnold (Brian Howe) shares with her — using a rolled-up million dollar bill she thinks is real — Arnold tells her to close her eyes and wait for a surprise. He emerges growling and wearing what is admittedly a not-so-unrealistic looking bear costume. Ellen May, in her enhanced state, thinks she's really being attacked by a bear, so she pulls a gun from her side table and begins firing away at her furry john. Arnold survives, fortunately... or maybe not, from his point of view, as the powerful local businessman becomes a favorite blackmail target of Boyd's. — KP
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "Good Intentions"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Wynn Duffy is usually one cool customer, but when he becomes unhinged, it's a funny thing to behold. Like when he became "apoplectic," as Boyd so accurately described him, with drug dealer Cyrus (Bill Tangradi). While Boyd interrogates Cyrus verbally, Wynn takes notice of the BB rifle Cyrus brought with him. "The more you pump, the harder it shoots?" Wynn asks, but he isn't really interested in getting an answer; he prefers to go ahead and test his knowledge of the air rifle, on, at, and near Cyrus, over and over again, tormenting the flunky until he reveals the woman who may have played a part in ripping off Boyd and Wynn's product. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Wynn Duffy is usually one cool customer, but when he becomes unhinged, it's a funny thing to behold. Like when he became "apoplectic," as Boyd so accurately described him, with drug dealer Cyrus (Bill Tangradi). While Boyd interrogates Cyrus verbally, Wynn takes notice of the BB rifle Cyrus brought with him. "The more you pump, the harder it shoots?" Wynn asks, but he isn't really interested in getting an answer; he prefers to go ahead and test his knowledge of the air rifle, on, at, and near Cyrus, over and over again, tormenting the flunky until he reveals the woman who may have played a part in ripping off Boyd and Wynn's product. — KP
SEASON 3 EPISODE: "The Gunfighter"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Woe to those who underestimate Raylan Givens, whether it be a situation requiring his quick-draw skills or his quick-thinking abilities. Bad guy Fletcher "Ice Pick" Nix ("Dexter" alum Desmond Harrington) finds that out when he takes Raylan and Winona hostage inside Raylan's motel room home. Nix orders Winona to count down from 10, then places a gun in the middle of a table between him and Raylan. As Winona gets closer to one, Nix plans to stab Raylan in the hand when the marshal reaches for the gun, but Raylan doesn't slide his hand towards the center; instead, he merely pulls the gun right to himself with the tablecloth and fires a shot into Nix's shoulder just after the cocky Dixie Mafia enforcer slams his pick into an empty table. "Sorry about your tablecloth," a very calm Raylan tells a very stunned Winona. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Woe to those who underestimate Raylan Givens, whether it be a situation requiring his quick-draw skills or his quick-thinking abilities. Bad guy Fletcher "Ice Pick" Nix ("Dexter" alum Desmond Harrington) finds that out when he takes Raylan and Winona hostage inside Raylan's motel room home. Nix orders Winona to count down from 10, then places a gun in the middle of a table between him and Raylan. As Winona gets closer to one, Nix plans to stab Raylan in the hand when the marshal reaches for the gun, but Raylan doesn't slide his hand towards the center; instead, he merely pulls the gun right to himself with the tablecloth and fires a shot into Nix's shoulder just after the cocky Dixie Mafia enforcer slams his pick into an empty table. "Sorry about your tablecloth," a very calm Raylan tells a very stunned Winona. — KP
SEASON 2 EPISODE: "Blaze of Glory"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: It's the frail leading the frail — or chasing him, anyway — when Art, with his bad knee, has to run down terminally-ill bank robber Frank Reasoner ("The Walking Dead's" Scott Wilson). Art's got his gun drawn at Reasoner, who's trying to lam it on foot while dragging an oxygen tank and hooked up to a breathing mask. "My knees are not going to hold up to a foot chase. If you run, I'm going to put a bullet in that tank," Art warns. "You remember the end of Jaws?" Reasoner says he does, and slips off the mask and tank, slowly making his way to his getaway airplane. Art begrudgingly begins his own crawl-paced chase, after stopping to pick up the tank and mask, and neither gets more than a few yards before they're out of breath and taking a break on the ground. Art gets his man — and his man gets his oxygen mask back in the nick of time — but Raylan later points out another indignity for the chief when he spots Art's new hearing aids. — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: It's the frail leading the frail — or chasing him, anyway — when Art, with his bad knee, has to run down terminally-ill bank robber Frank Reasoner ("The Walking Dead's" Scott Wilson). Art's got his gun drawn at Reasoner, who's trying to lam it on foot while dragging an oxygen tank and hooked up to a breathing mask. "My knees are not going to hold up to a foot chase. If you run, I'm going to put a bullet in that tank," Art warns. "You remember the end of Jaws?" Reasoner says he does, and slips off the mask and tank, slowly making his way to his getaway airplane. Art begrudgingly begins his own crawl-paced chase, after stopping to pick up the tank and mask, and neither gets more than a few yards before they're out of breath and taking a break on the ground. Art gets his man — and his man gets his oxygen mask back in the nick of time — but Raylan later points out another indignity for the chief when he spots Art's new hearing aids. — KP
SEASON 2 EPISODE: "Bloody Harlan"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: We rarely see Raylan look like the fool, which is what makes this moment so unexpected. With the help of Messer, Dickie hangs Raylan from a tree and takes some poetic swings with a bat. It’s the sight of Raylan dangling by one leg rather than two that does it. Well, that, and Boyd being the one to save Raylan: "I don't know whether to shoot him now, or let him have a couple more swings and then kill him," Boyd says, appearing out of nowhere. "I vote for the first one," Raylan answers. — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: We rarely see Raylan look like the fool, which is what makes this moment so unexpected. With the help of Messer, Dickie hangs Raylan from a tree and takes some poetic swings with a bat. It’s the sight of Raylan dangling by one leg rather than two that does it. Well, that, and Boyd being the one to save Raylan: "I don't know whether to shoot him now, or let him have a couple more swings and then kill him," Boyd says, appearing out of nowhere. "I vote for the first one," Raylan answers. — MB
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "Weight"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Viewers had met Chelsea, the beloved (male) dog owned by Danny Crowe (AJ Buckley), back in the season's fourth episode, but they had no idea it was a set-up to a punchline coming 10 episodes later. While preparing to bury Chelsea, Danny is confronted by Raylan — and finally, we're going to see if a man wielding a knife really wins a fight with a gunslinger who's got his piece holstered less than 21 feet away. Danny charges ahead a few steps, trips into the hole dug for Chelsea, and stabs himself in the throat. Olyphant had pitched the idea — inspired by the death of White Boy Bob, the character who runs up the stairs, trips, and shoots himself in the movie adaptation of Leonard's Out of Sight. As Yost told Entertainment Weekly, "The way [director John Dahl] shot it with those feet sticking up, you know, that's Elmore. It’s funny and it’s horrifying." — MB
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Viewers had met Chelsea, the beloved (male) dog owned by Danny Crowe (AJ Buckley), back in the season's fourth episode, but they had no idea it was a set-up to a punchline coming 10 episodes later. While preparing to bury Chelsea, Danny is confronted by Raylan — and finally, we're going to see if a man wielding a knife really wins a fight with a gunslinger who's got his piece holstered less than 21 feet away. Danny charges ahead a few steps, trips into the hole dug for Chelsea, and stabs himself in the throat. Olyphant had pitched the idea — inspired by the death of White Boy Bob, the character who runs up the stairs, trips, and shoots himself in the movie adaptation of Leonard's Out of Sight. As Yost told Entertainment Weekly, "The way [director John Dahl] shot it with those feet sticking up, you know, that's Elmore. It’s funny and it’s horrifying." — MB
SEASON 3 EPISODE: "Slaughterhouse"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: When a series' dialogue is as finely written as it is on "Justified," you can not only forgive the rare use of quips, you can embrace them as being rather a delightful surprise coming out of the mouths of characters who often speak in poetry. Such as when psycho Season 3 baddie Quarles (Neal McDonough) takes Raylan hostage and shows up at Limehouse's (Mykelti Williamson) hangout demanding half a million dollars. Upon finding out that Limehouse keeps his rolls of cash stuffed up inside a dead swine, Quarles giddily yells, "Oh, s--t! It's a piggy bank!" Later, when Raylan is telling Winona how Limehouse killed Quarles by chopping his arm off with a meat cleaver, he says, "You know what they're saying at the office? I 'disarmed' him." (Plus, bonus points for the way Raylan moves Quarles's severed arm away from Quarles when he reaches for it.) — KP
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: When a series' dialogue is as finely written as it is on "Justified," you can not only forgive the rare use of quips, you can embrace them as being rather a delightful surprise coming out of the mouths of characters who often speak in poetry. Such as when psycho Season 3 baddie Quarles (Neal McDonough) takes Raylan hostage and shows up at Limehouse's (Mykelti Williamson) hangout demanding half a million dollars. Upon finding out that Limehouse keeps his rolls of cash stuffed up inside a dead swine, Quarles giddily yells, "Oh, s--t! It's a piggy bank!" Later, when Raylan is telling Winona how Limehouse killed Quarles by chopping his arm off with a meat cleaver, he says, "You know what they're saying at the office? I 'disarmed' him." (Plus, bonus points for the way Raylan moves Quarles's severed arm away from Quarles when he reaches for it.) — KP
30. Half-Price Lovin'
1 of 30
SEASON 5 EPISODE: "Wrong Roads"
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is in possession of one healthy ego, certainly when it comes to his appeal to the ladies. But when his latest fling, Allison (guest star Amy Smart), refuses his offer of a vacay to Miami on his dime, he drowns his shock and disappointment in drink. While at the bar, he meets Kayla, another attractive, younger woman, who lets it be known right away that she is interested. He's flattered, and asks if she would have turned down his gift of a new bikini and a trip to the Sunshine State. "Think I'd go with you right now, you wanted," she says, before landing another blow to Raylan's confidence. "My rate is normally $1,000 per day, but for you, knock it down to $500. — Kimberly Potts
LAUGH UNTIL IT HURTS: Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is in possession of one healthy ego, certainly when it comes to his appeal to the ladies. But when his latest fling, Allison (guest star Amy Smart), refuses his offer of a vacay to Miami on his dime, he drowns his shock and disappointment in drink. While at the bar, he meets Kayla, another attractive, younger woman, who lets it be known right away that she is interested. He's flattered, and asks if she would have turned down his gift of a new bikini and a trip to the Sunshine State. "Think I'd go with you right now, you wanted," she says, before landing another blow to Raylan's confidence. "My rate is normally $1,000 per day, but for you, knock it down to $500. — Kimberly Potts
Horrifying and hilarious — that's a phrase viewers have to be comfortable with if they're fans of FX's Elmore Leonard adaptation Justified. For five seasons, we've watched Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) trade barbs and bullets with the Big Bads who pass through Harlan, Kentucky and call it home. We've seen him be both frustrated and amused by the hapless characters he's forced to contend with and not shoot. We've learned that the best lines often come when the action heats up and Raylan stays frosty.
Related: 'Justified' Producers Still Not Sure How Series Will End
As Justified enters its sixth and final season — with Raylan and his old coal-mining buddy, outlaw Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins), set for one last showdown — we look back at 30 of the moments that capture the series' signature, dark sense of humor.
Justified's final season premieres Tuesday, Jan. 20 at 10 p.m. on FX.
Additional reporting by Kimberly Potts and Sid Lipsey.
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