How Not To Raise A Bully

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Bullying has gotten a lot of buzz lately, which is no wonder, as nearly one in three students report that they’ve been faced with the problem at school, according to StopBullying.org, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’s anti-bullying website. Add to it the steady stream of headlines pointing to a tee suicide or school shooting linked to relentless bullying and it’s clear that something has to give.

So what can we as parents do to try and keep our kids from becoming bullies? Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and author of books including “Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men,” sketched out five ways to cultivate kind kids, not bullies.

1: Be a do-gooder.

From an early age, teach your kids how to be considerate of other people and model that charitable spirit in front of them. “When you bring a housebound neighbor a meal, bring your kids with you,” Meeker suggested. “During the holidays, make volunteering an activity the entire family does together. When parents actively involve children in projects that involve helping others, children learn how to be compassionate from an early age.”

2: Model humility.

In short, your goal should be to teach your kids that all men, women and children have equal value as humans. “Humility doesn’t mean behaving like a doormat or having low self-esteem,” she said. “On the contrary, it means understanding that we’re not more important that others and that they are no more important than we are.”

3: Dial down the competition.

If you teach your kids to compete with their friends and peers or push your kids to outshine other kids, you’re the one who is ultimately responsible should they begin acting like a bully. “As we know, parents can become more aggressive than their kids, putting down their children’s friends, teammates and competitors in sports, and this teaches kids that their desires are more important than anyone else’s,” Meeker explained. “By being pushed to outshine others, kids do whatever they can to make themselves look better, which often leads to bullying behavior.”

4: If you see bullying in action, handle it. 

If your child is already behaving like a bully, nip it in the bud. “Most parents see their children through rose-colored glasses and fail to see bad behavior because they feel that if their kids misbehave, they’re bad parents,” she said. “This isn’t true, but parents must first and foremost see their kids as realistically as possible.”

5: Trace back to the roots of all bullying. 

What we know about bullying is that it tends to stem either from a low self-esteem or a sense of entitlement. “Address this with your child and ask why he’s hurting others through either his speech or behavior,” Meeker said. “If entitlement is the issue, then you need to work with your child to help him understand that nothing comes to people without effort.”