Candace Cameron Bure: I Want My Husband to Lead

Photo by Candace Cameron Bure

Former “Full House” actress Candace Cameron Bure has been married to her husband, former NHL player Valeri Bure for 19 years (in celebrity land, that’s a lifetime) so she knows a thing or two about making love last. The couple juggles their careers — Cameron stars in an upcoming film series “Aurora Teagarden: A Bone to Pick” debuting on the Hallmark Channel in the spring and Valeri oversees their family wine label  — with caring for their three children ages 12, 14, 16. In an exclusive interview, Cameron opens up to Yahoo Parenting about the secrets that makes her marriage tick— and she addresses that “submissive role” comment that earned her so much controversy.

Make decisions as a family: [Last year] I used the word “submissive” [to describe my role in the marriage] because it’s from the Bible but people who don’t understand that see that as offensive. My husband is not a dictator. We work together but I don’t want to dig my heels in and I have no aspirations to be the ruler of my family. We are two equal people but I love my husband and I want him to lead. With big picture issues such as where we live or what schools the kids attend, if he feels strongly about something and I think our family would benefit from it, I am going to share my thoughts. But ultimately, I trust that my husband has our family’s best interests at heart, so I wouldn’t fight him on that. And when I feel strongly about something, he agrees with me. It goes both ways.

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Put each other on a pedestal: I honor my husband and encourage him to the best man and father he can be. I put him on a pedestal so he can grow. And he does the same for me. Men and women are different in how they want to feel love and respect. To go back to the Bible, men are told to love their wives and women are told to respect their husbands. When a man feels respected, that is love to him. For example, my husband does 98 percent of the cooking and I remind the kids to say thank you or I specify what I appreciate, whether it’s a new ingredient or recipe.

Photo by Candace Cameron Bure

Don’t argue in front of the kids: It’s only happened once or twice. If we get into something heated and see that it’s becoming a bigger issue, we say, ‘We need to stop now’ and take it behind closed doors. We don’t want our kids to see yelling but we want them to see what healthy arguing looks like. We want to be on the same team when it comes to making rules so we talk privately to decide what works and then present a unified front to the kids. We’ve had our differences — my two sons play hockey and it consumes our lives and I’ve had an issue when it becomes more important than church or family time. I see it as an activity but my husband is a former professional hockey player and views it as priming our kids for the NHL. I don’t have the experience or knowledge in that area so in that situation, I defer to him.

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Make time for romance: It’s easier for my husband and I to have dates now that our children are older but a few years ago, we struggled to find time for date night or an afternoon lunch. But it’s worth it to make it a priority, otherwise, you see how it affects a marriage. Friendship is the foundation of marriage but you also need private time…You need that intimacy — not just romantic but also through conversation.

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