'Boyhood' Shines Light on Unlikely Superhero: The Single Mom

PHOTO: Matt Lankes/IFC Films/Courtesy Everett Collection

Recently, I watched the film “Boyhood” with my 19-year-old daughter. We laughed and teared up and not always at the same moments. We saw the film through our own personal lenses, and maybe that’s why the movie is striking a chord with so many. The film is attracting a load of attention for its celebrated lack of attention to big drama, usually found in feature films. And in this lack of major story plot, we see lives unfold and unravel, rev up and rescind.  All of it hinged on one essential character – a single mom.

It is through the character of Olivia, who is played to great acclaim by Patricia Arquette, that the essence of the film is told. Like many fictional mothers before her, she is the foundation of the family.  But unlike what usually appears in a classic mom movie, this film’s most memorable moments are in the mundane. Olivia’s failed marriages, educational path and career moves give the film its structure. Olivia turns a Single Mom into a Superhero in perhaps the most undramatic superhero movie of all time. There is no sexy spandex for this superhero, only a growing pile of bills and everyday worries.

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For all the criticism that Hollywood receives for failing to capture authentic, nuanced and complicated women, “Boyhood” manages to do all of it magnificently. But more importantly, the film focuses on the life of a struggling, single mother – arguably the most under recognized and under-served figure in our society.

In some circles, single motherhood seems downright trendy with well heeled and well educated women choosing to become moms on their own, for a whole host of personal reasons. But for the vast majority of women, the reality is not nearly as empowering. About one quarter of all families in America today are headed by single mothers. According to the Statistics of Single Parent families, 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 – a total of about 17.5 million are being raised without a father and nearly half live below the poverty line.  In fact, the poverty rate for single moms was nearly five times higher than that for married-couple families.  For the majority of American women, single motherhood can be stressful, exhausting and financially devastating.  In my practice, I’ve seen many of these women, struggling, determined, and just trying to get through life.

Patricia Arquette, a single mom herself, has spoken about channeling her own experience into her exquisite performance as Olivia. Maybe that is why she registers as one of the most real characters I have ever seen in a feature film. We are with Olivia on her journey as she raises two small children without child support or a present father.  She uproots her kids to be near her mom so she can go back to college.  We root for Olivia to get her degree and land a job as a professor.  We feel for Olivia through two bad marriages and applaud her for getting out of an abusive relationship.  She zig zags along, picking herself up and dragging her kids along, doing the best she can.

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In another small moment in the film, Olivia suggests to a Mexican worker who is replacing her busted pipes that he should go to community college because he’s smart.  It’s affordable, she tells the worker, and it can change the course of your life.  This sounds like a plug for President Obama’s new initiative to offer free community college to America’s students.  But again, this non-dramatic moment in the film was poignant in its subtleties. The payoff  is years later at a restaurant when the same man comes over to Olivia and her kids and reminds her that years ago she told him to go to college. He took her advice, is now the restaurant’s manager and is studying for a higher degree.  The message here is that you can re-direct your own narrative. My colleagues and I deal with many women who are stuck in their situations but by actively making changes, like Olivia and the pipe worker, people can change their story and ultimately their lives.

If you asked Olivia if she felt empowered in her single mom-ness, I bet she would just say she was too exhausted to feel much of anything, except the love and loss of her children growing up.  At the Golden Globes, Patricia Arquette gave a shout out to the millions of underappreciated single moms.  It’s a role she and millions of other women in our country know well.

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Watching the film with my daughter was an exercise in mutual empathy.  It raised questions and thoughts about divorce, the collateral fallout of failed marriages, the overall joys and struggles of both parenting and growing up.  It showed my daughter you could make bad choices, but still be a good mom.  It also raised my daughter’s awareness about an unlikely heroine - a strong, female character who can ultimately control her life, bumps and all, and get to the other side.

Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, author and TV commentator.  She is also the mom to three girls.