40 Tweets About Parenting With Today's Technology

3yo: can you play with me?

Me: in a minute

3yo: Alexa, set timer for 1 minute

Fuuuuck

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 3, 2020

My kid meant to shout “Alexa” but instead she just yelled “Mom” and I cant believe we’re alive at a time where she’s getting her robot assistant mixed up with her real life assistant.

— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) February 16, 2020

8-year-old: Hey Google, what day is it?

Me: It's sad that you have to ask.

8: Then you tell me.

Me: Let's see what Google says.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2020

7: (silently sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder)
Me: Yes?
7: (whispers into my ear) Do not trust Siri. She doesn’t have eyes. (Walks away)

Who needs scary movies when you can just have kids?

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 30, 2018

Get Alexa so your kid can ask it how to spell fart anytime you get on a phone call

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) February 9, 2020

My 6yo carried our Google Home Mini around the house all day asking it question after question to the point where I found it locked in the bathroom crying with a glass of wine.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 8, 2019

me, after scolding my kids: *walking away*

son: ALEXA, play the Imperial March

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 1, 2019

Me: Hey Siri

Siri: *silence*

Me: HEY Siri!

Siri: *silence*

Me: Hey SIRI!!

Siri: *silence*

Me: 🎵hey Siri 🎶

Siri: *silence*

——————
Me: *talking to my kids and say anything with an “s” sound*

Siri: How can I help?

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) May 16, 2019

*1yo falls and the Google Home falls too*

4yo: OH no! GOOGLE! Is Google ok?!*rushes to check on Google while his brother cries a foot away* Mommy, Google isn't talking, can you make sure it's ok?!

Me: Your brother is fine, thanks for asking

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) August 26, 2020

Normally I would get annoyed with my kids asking Alexa one thousand questions but they’re not asking me so basically it’s the best day ever

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 2, 2020

Thought we were going to have a fun family night but so far it’s just my sons taking turns asking Alexa inappropriate things.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 26, 2018

6y.o: “Hey Google... what’s the best way to annoy your big broth-“

14y.o: “-I HEARD THAT. Knock it off.”

6 *whispers*: “Hey Google... what’s the best way to annoy a boy who’s in your family & was born before you?”

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 4, 2020

Alexa, mute my children.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 11, 2019

“Alexa, I mean... Mom”

- my kid, confusing me with the other caretaker in our house.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) January 27, 2020

When you first get Alexa how long does it take for your husband and kids to get bored of asking her to make fart noises? It’s been 42 hours, 33 minutes and 18 seconds

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 18, 2020

My 4yo just told Siri to play Thunderstruck by AC/DC and started his own dance party in the kitchen. This might be one of my proudest moments as a parent.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) June 25, 2020

Thanks to my kids I learned that amazon echo will play a song called Regge Farts. And now you know too.

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 20, 2020

When I was growing up, I thought my parents knew everything.

My kids have a Google Home Mini so they are already well-aware that I clearly don’t know anything

— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) July 22, 2019

Pretty sure I heard Siri get annoyed with my kid.

Hey, Siri. I get it.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 24, 2019

I said Alexa three times and she didn’t respond so she’s family now.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 14, 2020

4: Hey Google, BUY ME MORE TOYS.

— Manic Mama (@JannaKillHimNik) January 3, 2021

My kid just yelled “Alexa, put pear on the shopping list.” We do not have Alexa.

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 18, 2017

My toddler has accidentally used Siri more than I have intentionally used Siri.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 12, 2017

Child: Hey mom-
Wife: OMG WHAT NOW
Child: NEVER MIND I'll ASK ALEXA. Hey Alexa-
Alexa: OMG WHAT NOW

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 1, 2019

Alexa, homeschool my kids today

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) September 18, 2020

My 9yo figured out how to use "Hey Google" voice commands on his computer so long story short in about five minutes he's gonna need a new computer.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 10, 2020

My kid just tried to argue with Siri, and it reminded me of nearly every comment thread in 2020.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 25, 2020

Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, "Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?"

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 30, 2019

Making my kids watch old-school episodes of Knight Rider and my daughter said, "So, it's pretty much just a car with Siri built in?"

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) August 18, 2014

Some people out there are afraid that our children will develop bad habits from today’s technology.

All I’m saying is this morning, my Amazon Echo made me repeat myself 9 times and then completely ignored my commands, so I think we might have that backwards.

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 14, 2019

Me: Hey Siri, who is this?
Siri: Listening..
Me: [holding phone up to houseful of kids]
Siri: This sounds like Hell.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 29, 2020

me: ALEXA put the dishes away

her, 8: really...

alexa: I think I should go home now

me: ALEXA make dinner

her, 8: mom she's my friend! stop!

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 16, 2019

Today my son’s whole zoom class overheard me screaming “ALEXA! STOP IT!” in the background. In my defense I was saying “Play Beastie Boys” and she launched into “Barbara Ann” 3 times.

— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) October 24, 2020

6y.o., from kitchen: “Does Google Nest know everything?”

Me: “It can answer most questions.”

6: *whispers* “Hey Google... how do I, I mean PEOPLE, get marker off a cat’s tail?”

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 1, 2019

Need a laugh? Have your three year old start a random conversation with Siri. You're welcome.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 17, 2014

Alexa, tell my kids mommy left while I hide in the closet eating candy.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) March 6, 2020

8: Alexa, play ‘enter sandman’ by Mallencia

Me: you mean Metallica?

8: it’s fine, she knows what I mean

— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) July 18, 2020

My 3yo has figured out how to use Siri. Their alliance makes me uneasy.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 7, 2014

Sitting in the car with a sleeping baby while jotting down notes for a future story, Siri play Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag

— Kwame “Big Denim” Mbalia (@KSekouM) January 22, 2021

[2 hours after setting up an Amazon Echo]

3 year-old: ALEXA! TELL ME-

Alexa: FUCK [initiates self-destruct mode]

— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) March 26, 2019