Joe Biden hasn't targeted a judge's daughter or sold a single Bible. What a LOSER!

There’s one question every patriotic American voter needs to be asking right now: How many $60 Bibles has Joe Biden sold?

I’ll tell you how many: zero! The man I’m supposed to believe “won” the 2020 presidential election has not sold a single $60 Bible. How can I know he’s a man of faith? By looking at the fact that he goes to church every Sunday? Please.

MY president – Donald Trump – is a true Christian, and I know that because he proudly stands in front of a camera and encourages people to put down $60 for a possibly-real-leather-bound Bible he’s endorsing and getting money from selling. That’s a pure marriage (traditional, of course) of faith and capitalism, the two things that make America great (again).

What kind of president DOESN'T sell $60 Bibles?

It baffles me how you liberals can support a man who doesn’t sell and occasionally autograph Bibles. You people are sick!

Let me ask you another question about your so-called presidential candidate. Has Biden endangered the life of a single judge's daughter relating to a hush money case that centers around an alleged affair with an adult-film star?

YOU WISH!

Trump is hawking Bibles. I hope he reads what it says.

A real leader will viciously attack a judge's daughter with no evidence

This past week, PRESIDENT Trump boldly took to his Truth Social account and lashed out bigly at Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan, who is overseeing the TOTAL WITCH HUNT criminal trial alleging Trump paid adult-film star Stormy Daniels to keep quiet about their affair prior to the 2016 election.

He also Christianly railed at the judge’s daughter, writing that she is “a Rabid Trump Hater, who has admitted to having conversations with her father about me” while not providing any evidence, which is a total alpha-male move.

In a later post, Trump even named Merchan’s daughter, making her a target for us loyal MAGA followers who devoutly abide by the part of the $60 Trump Bible (King Blames edition) that we assume says: “Thou shalt bring toil and online threats to all who Donald Trump assails on his Truth Social page, for thou apparently hast nothing better to do with thy time.”

Biden is clearly too old and frail to fleece his supporters

Now I will ask again: How many judges’ daughters has Sleepy Joe Biden publicly attacked lately? The answer is none. How can I trust a president who doesn't have the guts to do something abhorrent?

The fundamental differences between these two candidates doesn’t stop with Biden being too weak to sell Bibles or put targets on the backs of other people’s children.

How much donor money has old Stumblin’ Joe used to pay off his legal fees? You guessed it: zilch. What a dope. Trump spent more than $55 million of donor money to pay legal bills last year – LIKE A BOSS.

Can Trump afford to campaign? Biden and Trump are both in a world of hurt. But Biden has the cash to fix his problems.

Trump shows courage through nepotism and dishonesty

Has Biden appointed his daughter-in-law to run the Democratic National Committee, effectively taking full control of the party’s money and voter outreach apparatus and demanding absolute fealty? Yeah, right. He’s too busy “going to mass on Sunday” or “giving advice to a child with a stutter” or “pointing out that the economy is defying all expectations.”

So lame.

Did Biden have the guts to write a social media post this past week that misspells his opponent’s name and creates two new words? Hell no.

But Trump did, writing: “I’m not running to terminate the ACA, AS CROOKED JOE BUDEN DISINFORMATES AND MISINFORMATES ALL THE TIME.”

We need a president strong enough to cynically manipulate people

The superior candidate is clear as day. You expect me, a God-fearing lover of America, to get behind a man who can’t sell a single Bible, has leveled zero threats at a member of the judiciary or his children, isn’t embroiled in a criminal case involving Stormy Daniels, refuses to milk his own party for personal gain and, perhaps worst of all, knows how to spell words?

Gimme a break. Which not-$60 edition of the Bible have YOU been reading, loser?

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

You can read diverse opinions from our Board of Contributors and other writers on the Opinion front page, on Twitter @usatodayopinion and in our daily Opinion newsletter.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Trump sells Bibles, targets judge's daughter. Why would I vote Biden?