My family moved from California to Germany. I expected we'd travel throughout Europe with the kids, but I realized no one was enjoying it.
I moved from California to Germany while pregnant with my second child.
My kids are now 8, 5, and 3 years old, and traveling with them wasn't enjoyable.
I had to adjust my expectations and plan trips that everyone could enjoy.
When I relocated from California to Germany four months pregnant with my second baby, I fantasized about the places my husband and I were going to take our children — swimming on the Greek islands, exploring Slovenia's rugged mountains, and taking in plays in London's West End.
My wanderlust was amplified by Instagram travel influencers espousing the virtues of traveling with little ones.
The reality was different
But when we traveled to Greece, to an Airbnb a mile from the Ionian Sea, I spent more time worrying my kids would break the glass coffee table or ornate glassware than enjoying my time.
At the Eiffel Tower, I said, "Stop yelling," instead of marveling at the incredible views.
At home and in day care, they spent hours with their friends on the playground every day. They laughed, screamed, and behaved like children. But on a vacation — in airplanes, museums, and our rented accommodation — I expected them to act like mini-adults.
I wanted so badly to open their minds to new experiences. But the trips my husband and I painstakingly planned with our three offspring — ages 3, 5, and 8 — weren't fun for anyone.
I changed my approach to vacations
I needed to change my approach. I looked for kid-themed getaways nearby that worked for the whole family. There was the trek to Kassel, a stop on Germany's fairytale route and home of the Brothers Grimm. There was the week in Leipzig — the zoo was a hit, the Bach Museum not so much.
I needed to give up trying to get my children to explore the world and just let them enjoy it.
For our August holiday, we hopped on a three-hour train ride to a spot where the local art scene was displayed in the craft room. The culinary offerings consisted of a bratwurst and ice-cream stand. In other words, we went to a family camp.
Because I lowered my expectations of what we could do and let my kids just be kids, it was the most fun we've had together on a holiday.
Changing our vacations allowed me to relax
Giving my kids unadulterated fun allowed me to relax, at least as much as I could as a mom of three young ones.
I'm not the type of parent who wants to spend all my time off at an indoor water park with dozens of other screaming families, but I'm learning that we need to have age-appropriate fun. And that looks different from what I'd imagined (or what I saw on social media).
As they age, I'm sure we'll be able to take the trips I've dreamt of — cycling across Europe or getting to see the surprise on their faces when they realize how small the "Mona Lisa" really is. That thought helps me sit through a 45-minute puppet show in a language I barely understand.
Our next school break is to a small amusement and indoor water park. We plan to spend our days outside in the cold, bundled up in jackets, screaming as we ride roller coasters and fill ourselves on overpriced cotton candy and homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. At no point do I plan to tell my children to "be quiet."
These trips aren't significantly cheaper than before, but the local, low-key vacations we're taking now provide me with something a stay at a fancy hotel in Paris or Barcelona never could — a chance to enjoy my family.
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