The 20th anniversary of gay marriage is on May 17. How far have LGBTQ+ rights come since?

Twenty years ago, on May 17, 2004, a groundbreaking event happened as Massachusetts became the first state in the nation to legalize same-sex marriage. For Andrew Pollack and his partner Jeff Schmalz, it was finally an opportunity to get married.

"It was really a celebration not only of our wedding, but of the institution that was now available, along with all the hundreds of civil rights and privileges and economic benefits that go along with it,” said Schmalz.

For Pollack, this was a significant moment in his journey as a gay man.

"I grew up in an evangelical household, so being gay was not seen as a good thing," he said. "In college, I was president of a large Christian Union at Penn State, and after college I went to work for the same Christian Union. And for that organization, to this day, if you're gay, you're fired.”

Pollack worked as a campus staff worker for four years while attending grad school, but he struggled with the organization's anti-gay policies.

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"I wanted to be right with God and right with the culture that I was proud of. I dated women and almost got married twice. But after my father's death, I realized that life is short and I needed to be true to myself,” he said.

Despite the fear and discrimination he faced, Pollack ultimately came out to himself and to others. "It was a scary time. There's always this question of safety," he said, referring to the AIDS epidemic of the early 1990s.

"You come out and people assume you're HIV-positive. It was a double-edged sword."

He said he knew that the only way to combat this was to come out and educate people while doing it.

Pressured to keep his secret in the military

As a veteran and former musician in the army, Schmalz said that his career played a role in postponing the development of his sexuality. "Back then, it was before 'Don't Ask Don't Tell,' and I had to sign a document saying that I was straight," he said.

The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy meant that if someone found out you were gay, you could be discharged from the military and labeled a "homosexual" on your file.

“There are 11,000 veterans that were discharged dishonorably with a homosexual stamp,” Pollack said.

"It definitely postponed the development of my sexuality, but when I met Andy, I knew I had to come out, including to my family,” Schmalz said.

To prevent losing out on the benefits, he decided to leave the military ahead of coming out to his family in fear of being discovered and the retributions that followed.

Fighting for the next 20 years on marriage equality

When the opportunity for marriage equality arose in Massachusetts, Pollack said, he was ready to fight for it. After the bill was passed, along with two other individuals, Pollack formed the Marriage Equality Coalition, a group committed to ensure that equal marriage rights remain in Massachusetts.

Soon after the May 17 announcement, Pollack and Schmalz applied for a marriage license in the Fall, but their church refused to bless the marriage. So they turned to the Quakers, who welcomed them with open arms and allowed them to hold their ceremony at the New Bedford Friends Meeting.

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“It felt surreal,” Schmalz said. "It wasn't anything that I ever thought was on the horizon for same-sex marriages, ever. I never thought I would be able to be married.”

At the time, same-sex marriage was not recognized in any other state in the country. Schmalz said they didn't have many friends in the gay community who had been married, so they felt like pioneers in a sense.

“It was a very different time back then, and it was quite edgy to be getting married as a gay couple,” he said. "We had friends in their late 70s and early 80s who were just astonished by the whole thing.”

The wedding was a widely attended event, with 150 guests.

"It was beautiful," Pollack said. "We had people of different religions there and they all embraced us and supported us.”

Looking back after 20 years of gay marriage rights

Looking back 20 years later, even though same-sex marriage has been legal in Massachusetts, there is still a long way to go for LGBTQ+ equality, according to Schmalz and Pollack.

"It's great that it's been around for 20 years, but that's tempered with other issues still a problem in this country such as transgender rights," Pollack said, who now serves as the president of the South Coast LGBTQ+ Network.

"We see it also happening with abortion rights. But we have to remain hopeful and continue to fight for our rights.”

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June is just around the corner, which means it's almost time for Pride Month. Across the country, cities and towns will be celebrating the LGBTQ+ community with parades, festivals and events.

The South Coast LGBTQ+ Network is kicking off Pride month with an event at the Eagle Event Center in downtown Fall River on May 31.

Hosted by the fabulous drag artist Crystal Diamonds, and featuring music by DJ Tara, the evening will serve as a fundraiser for The South Coast LGBTQ+ Network.

"We think we're making progress, and we are in some areas," Pollack added. "But we also have to be aware of the threats that are still out there."

The LGBTQ+ community is still fighting for rights

With 500 to 700 bills introduced in statehouses across the country that aim to limit the rights of LGBTQ+ individuals, particularly in the south and the west, Pollack said although it may not directly affect Massachusetts, this state is seeing the ripple effects.

In fact, according to USAToday, the US doesn't make list of safest countries for LGBTQ+ rights with a "State of emergency" warning given by the Human Rights Campaign for LGBTQ Americans in June 2023.

"We're seeing people move here, seeking a safe haven from states where they feel threatened and fearful,” he said.

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The threat is not just limited to legislation, but also manifests in daily life for many LGBTQ+ individuals. "I'm working with a trans woman who's trying to get out of Texas. She's fearful and I’m helping her come here," Pollack added.

"But as we look at the nation, we see that these laws could become national policies, like national bathroom policies."

Coming together as a community as a whole

These ongoing challenges and threats serve as a reminder of the importance of Pride Month. It is a time to celebrate how far the community has come, but also to raise awareness and fight for continued progress.

One particular concern for Pollack is the lack of cohesion within the LGBTQ+ community, adding that many people in the LGBT community are unaware and don't seemingly care about what's happening politically.

"As we are progressing and the network is doing really well in terms of resources and budget, we also need to work on coming together as a community," he said.

"We need to organize and connect so that if these laws do impact us on a federal level, we can stand together and fight against them."

Standard-Times staff writer Seth Chitwood can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him on twitter:@ChitwoodReports. Support local journalism by purchasing a digital or print subscription to The Standard-Times today.

This article originally appeared on Standard-Times: Andrew Pollack and partner Jeff Schmalz on gay marriage anniversary