People Are Sharing Their Most Infuriating Experiences With Weaponized Incompetence
In case you're not familiar with the term, "weaponized incompetence" is when someone pretends to be bad at something so they won't have to do it.
The term often comes up in feminist spaces where women discuss their male partners' bizarre refusals to do basic household tasks, like loading the dishwasher or making a bottle for the baby.
Of course, men aren't the only ones who engage in this behavior, but gendered ideas about who's responsible for domestic tasks lead men in our culture to exhibit this behavior more often in the home.
Recently, on Reddit, a woman shared her story of dealing with weaponized incompetence, and in the comments, people shared even more extremely annoying examples. Here's what people had to say:
1.The thread kicked off with this story: "The kids had to be fed, and I started a pot to make mac and cheese. I left it cooking to move on to the next task — to bathe our dog. I asked my husband to finish up the mac and cheese so I could continue bathing our dog. I'm elbow-deep in dog hair and soap, and the next thing I know, he had the nerve to ask me, 'What do I do after draining the pasta?' EXCUSE ME? Our kids are 13 and 5, so he has done mac and cheese MULTIPLE TIMES by now. Additionally, the instructions are, literally, ON THE BOX."
"I just stared at him and told him that some of the best chefs in the world are male and he should figure it out. If this isn't weaponized incompetence, I don't know what is.
Mind you, my husband is an IT engineer. I can't help but think we've set up the bar for guys waaaay too low."
And in the comments, more stories kept flooding in:
2."My husband tried saying he didn't know how to work our washing machine. I asked, 'In the six years you were single and living alone, you never washed your clothes?' 'Yeah, but that washing machine was different!' There are literally instructions under the lid, with pictures."
3."I usually slice up the fresh loaf of bread I bake, but one day, my soon-to-be-ex-husband came to me, 'The bread isn’t sliced.' I responded with, 'I trust you to figure it out.' He did NOT like that."
4."When our eldest was still an infant, my husband and I were arguing because I was pissed that he didn’t do any of their care without being asked. When things were really whipped up and heated, he had the nerve to say, 'But you’re so much better at it!' So I screamed, 'THEN GET GOOD! Jesus Christ, do you think I instinctively knew any of this shit or enjoy changing dirty diapers? Man the FUCK UP!' Most of his weaponized incompetence pretty much stopped that day."
5."My adult daughter told me recently she could never understand why her dad and I argued so frequently and hotly over rice when she was growing up. Then, she learned about weaponized incompetence. I would work 10 hour shifts and come home to the expectation that I immediately cook rice (to go with the dinner I put in the crock pot before work, of course). Fam, it was Minute Rice. Literally boil water and pour the rice into it. And he just…couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Expected and demanded that I do it. One of many reasons that he is an ex-husband."
6."Talking of weaponized incompetence... My boyfriend leaves most things up to me to complete when it comes to bills or anything electronic. We went on a vacation (that I planned completely). The only job I gave him was to check us in for the return flight home. He literally flung his arms up in the air and said, 'I don't know how to do this. It's asking me a bunch of questions.' Me: 'Okay, they are only yes and no questions. They aren't hard.' Him: 'I don't know, are we citizens?' Like... dude. Come on."
7."I got asked the other day if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean while I was on the couch in the living room and he was literally standing next to the dishwasher. I about lost my mind. Dude's a doctor for fucks sake."
8."If I said I was too tired to cook, my ex would order in or occasionally cook. When he cooked, it would always be one of a few dishes he had cooked several times, e.g., fajitas or stir fry, and it was more effort for me not to cook it than cook it. 'What shape do I cut it up into? What do I add to the pan first? When do I add the other stuff? Is it cooked enough for the sauce/fajita mix? What do I serve with it?'"
9."My entire first marriage happened before I learned about weaponized incompetence. If I had known sooner, marriage would have gone differently. When we were sending out wedding invitations, I wanted them addressed by hand. I thought it would be nice if he addressed the one to my parents. He made me sit beside him and dictate the address and spelling of the names. That's not too bad; he really was dyslexic. But he appeared to have forgotten how to write!"
"He was writing in big, poorly drawn letters like a first grader. I was so confused because he had normal handwriting. I literally asked if he'd hit his head. He did finally get what he wanted — I dismissed him and did all the work myself.
It wasn't until years later that it clicked. He was just flat-out faking to get out of it. A head injury occurred to me before faking. No wonder he chose me; I never saw it coming."
10."My dad will literally just skip meals if my mom isn’t around to cook for him (and Taco Bell is closed, lol). Once, she angrily asked how he would feed himself if she dropped dead. His answer was, 'Your mom would feed me.' ?????♀?."
11."Once, I was sick in bed and asked my then-boyfriend to make me some (boxed) mac and cheese. He brought to me cooked and dry noodles with the cheese powder 'mixed' in. It looked a little weird, so I asked how he made it. He didn’t add any milk or butter. When I told him he had to add other ingredients, not just what was in the box, he was flabbergasted, exclaiming that he didn’t know how to make it; how was he supposed to know? It’s literally on the box. He then refused to add milk or butter, saying it was fine. Obviously, no longer my boyfriend."
12."Mine asked me how to make hot chocolate. Dear readers, he is an accomplished cook with cooking classes under his belt and makes high-end cuisine. FUCKING HOT CHOCOLATE. How do you even answer that without sounding condescending? You... scoop the powder in the cup and add hot milk, honey. I'll never get over that one."
13."My ex once got out of the shower to ask which bottle was the shampoo. I told him it was the one that said shampoo on it, and he told me he hadn’t read them ??."
14."I asked my ex to finish making the pizza while I finished a task. He kept yelling, 'What's next?' even though he worked in the kitchen of a pizza place for years."
15."Mine asked me how to make scrambled eggs. This is a 50+-year-old man who lived on his own for years before we got together. I took him at his word and narrated every step while he did them. ('Get out the pan, turn the stove to medium. Crack two eggs). If he had just asked me, I would have done it for him because he is generally a great husband and partner, but I wasn’t playing games."
16."This morning, he asked me to wake up our daughter at a certain time so they could leave for an appointment. I deflected that and said to set an Alexa reminder, which he did. But why even ask me in the first place? I also always get asked what’s the date or time, or when is this happening? Like, no. I am not letting that take any of my headspace. Anything you can Google or do with Alexa use them, not me. And check the family calendar."
17."The first shower I went to take after my kid was born, this man looked at me and asked if it was ok that the baby’s feet were below his head the whole time I was gone because he was afraid the blood wouldn’t make it back up or something. Idk, at that point, I was just like, 'Motherfucker I will be out of the room for ten minutes. Are you serious?'"
18."There is a great Instagram account with a guy who points out these kinds of things, and as a 'recovering manchild,' he really nails how ridiculous they can sometimes be. A funny example he uses of one he did unthinkingly is that his wife had cooked muffins, and their toddler was asking for one. So he asks his wife if they’re too hot."
"It’s funny and also infuriating, but I love it because he really breaks down how to NOT create additional mental load on his partner, even in situations where it may not be perfectly obvious (like, if she says she’s exhausted and hopes to just get take out, don’t turn it around and tell her, 'Okay, I’ll get it, just tell me where you want me to go?').
@realzachthinkshare if you’re interested! Or if you think your guy might be."
19.And finally, "My thoughts always go to the man who can disassemble and reassemble a car engine but can't figure out how to turn on a vacuum cleaner. (Yes, it's exaggerated, but it's this mindset of men and their weaponized incompetence that they want to try to get away with.)"
"My boyfriend's dad helped design the Hubble telescope. Like the one that's in outer space. He had to ask my boyfriend how to work the washing machine when he was a teenager. You're not exaggerating. My dad is a crypto linguist and a tech genius. I had to explain the washing machine to him and how to make canned ranch beans to him when I was 8. And it pissed him off."
Do you have a story to share about weaponized incompetence? Tell us all about it in the comments.
