The X Factor 2017 - first Six Chair Challenge: it's all about Alisah but Simon Cowell gushes over Grace Davis

“The most brutal-est game of musical chairs ever” was how one of the contestants waiting in the wings described the medieval torture/light entertainment hybrid that is Six Chair Challenge.

The most cruel X Factor stage of all kicked off with the girls and their reluctant mentor, Sharon Osbourne, sitting all by herself in MC Hammer trousers while her fellow judges Simon Cowell, Nicole Scherzinger and Louis Walsh heckled her from across the room. Meanwhile, Dermot O’Leary stayed well out of the way, providing commentary where required. Much like us…

Some of the decisions were a little predictable

While it was hard to call exactly which combination of girls would land in the final six, it was easy to disregard a few of them from the start. It was fairly obvious, for instance, that Sky Saron-Wermerling, Elysa V and Kelsey Gill wouldn’t end up in Sharon’s final line-up, since they’ve had barely any airtime on previous stages of the show, and there’s no way someone without a documented backstory would be making it to Judges’ Houses. The likes of Grace Davies, Deanna and Georgina Panton, on the other hand, were dead certs. The show’s been obsessed with them for weeks.

When did 16 year-olds get so confident?

When we were 16, we sloped around in a Pulp t-shirt, had a problematic fringe and only communicated via penpal letter, but the two youngest girls on Sharon’s line-up are more confident than most women double their age. When Sharon remarked – somewhat patronisingly - that Rai-Elle’s song choice, an a capella version of Bridge Over Troubled Water, was “a big song for a little one”, the student from Croydon had the perfect response - “That’s why I’ve chosen it” – and then proceeded to sing the hell out of it.

Next up was Holly Tandy, also 16, who came over all teary and faux-humble (“I don’t know how I’m going to follow that”) and then put in a similarly fearless performance. Unsurprisingly, both girls will be heading to Judges’ Houses.

What, no Shanaya?

Perhaps Shanaya Atkinson-Jones, 19, could have learned a thing or two from her younger rivals. She showed so much promise in her first audition, but has since been overshadowed by more outgoing, energetic girls. Sharon felt that she “lacked a connection” with the singer so, despite her initially bagging a chair, it wasn’t really a huge surprise when it was subsequently pulled out from under her. Simon, however, was flabbergasted, muttering “bloody hell” as Shanaya sloped off stage for her consolation prize: a cuddle with Dermot.

Simon was in a funny mood all night

The drama of the Six Chair Challenge seems to do strange things to Simon Cowell. He was so overcome with affection for 20 year- old single mum Georgina Panton that he had to take a second to gather his words, causing us to panic momentarily that we’d accidentally muted our TV, before telling her “the competition wouldn’t be the same without you.”

All-round favourite Grace Davies also turned him soppy. “I wouldn’t give you a chair, I would give you my table, my chairs, my water, my tea, my prawn cocktail Skips, that’s how much I like you,” he gushed, like something out of a Richard Curtis film (or a Skips advert). We assume he’ll have gathered his composure in time for his turn to brutally sever a few acts next weekend.  

It was all about Alisah

Not for the first time, it was Alisah Bonaobra, from the Philippines, who was at the centre of most of the night’s drama. First, she got a seat, but Sharon called her “dated”. Then, she lost it to Grace Davies, causing the audience to go collectively crackers and shriek that they should’ve ditched one of the other girls instead.

Then, Sharon “spontaneously” – apart from the fact that this happens every year – called Alisah back for a sing-off with Rai-Elle (clearly utter nonsense; as if she was going to be sent home) and Scarlett Lee, whose face had been growing increasingly crumpled throughout the night as it gradually dawned on her that she was the weakest singer still in possession of a chair.

Alisah, who’s been all about the big ballads and show tunes until now, decided it was time to come over all contemporary with a Jessie J number; she even pulled a rap out of the bag. It was inevitable that Scarlett would be the one to go; she knew it, we all knew it.

But can she host The Xtra Factor instead?

On a singing level, it was right that Scarlett was sent home. But the show will be lacking without her personality. We know there’s no Xtra Factor proper this year, but perhaps Scarlett could do her own version on YouTube? Or failing that, step up to provide her make-up artistry services for Fright Night?