20 Downright Wild Things Doctors Have Actually Said To Patients
Sometimes, going to the doctor can really be a "if I don't laugh, I'll cry!" kind of ordeal. Truly, imagine waiting weeks to get in with your doctor, being stuck in that waiting room waaay later than your scheduled time...only for them to say the most wild, out of pocket thing when you actually get in the exam room. Well, besties, that's what we're talking about today! Redditor u/ThisIsExxciting asked, "What was the strangest thing a doctor has ever said to you?" From the hilarious to the disturbing, here are 20 of the very wildest tales:
1."I asked my doctor, who had just performed brain surgery on me, how he got inside my head. He literally giggled, rubbed his hands together, and said, 'Power tools.'"
2."An older doctor was examining my breasts because they were lumpy and it concerned me. The doctor said, ‘Wow! Your breasts are just like my wife's…er, I mean you both have fibrocystic breasts.’ He blushed, and I just laughed."
3."I saw a specialist following a serious arm injury. He looked me up and down, glancing at my pink and blonde hair, and muttered with an eyebrow raised, 'Huh. That's an...interesting color.' This wouldn't be at all strange if his own hair wasn't BRIGHT BLUE."
4."I got a vasectomy, and the female doctor said, 'You've got really nice anatomy.' I couldn't believe what she had just said to me. She followed it up with, 'I just mean your skin (on your scrotum) is really thin...' Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions."
5."I asked him what a long acronym 'FUE' the ocular oncologist wrote that I had meant. He tried to pronounce it, shrugged, and said, 'We'll just call it Fucked Up Eye.' It's been called that ever since. During the same weird cancer episode, a neurologist said my brain was 'unremarkable.' I mean, he's right in so many ways, but I was delighted to hear it."
6."Told me my vertebra looked like someone put a saltine cracker on the floor and stepped on it. He was right, but that’s not exactly something I wanted to hear in that moment."
7."I had an MRI of my knee. Doc said two things that were unusual: 1) 'I’ve never seen them use the word 'macerated' to describe someone’s knee before.' And 2) 'How did you break your leg?' I was not aware that I had broken my leg."
8."'How the hell is there sand in here?' I got really hurt at the beach and had busted an eardrum. Went to the ER, was told my ear was fine. Got back in my home state and went to an ENT doctor — I had about seven pieces of sand embedded in the membrane of my eardrum."
9."Dr: Are you related to Dr [Blank] that works here? Me: Yes, he’s my uncle. Dr: Do you like him? Me: No he’s an absolute dick. Dr: *opens door, rushes down hallway. I can overhear him say 'told you! Even his own family hates him' to the other docs in the office.*"
10."My gynecologist said I had a 'textbook cervix,' and I’m still riding that high."
11."Doctor giving me an exam: 'You do realize that your left testicle hangs lower than the right?' Me concerned as fuck: 'Uhhhh yes....is that something bad?!' Doctor: 'No, not at all. Very common and normal. You can put your pants back on.'"
12."A male doctor declared that I was about to receive the best pelvic exam in my life. He then proceeded to chatter about how horrible they are for women so he asked his wife to help instruct him on making them as painless and comfortable as possible. He did not lie; it was indeed the best pelvic exam I’ve had in my life. Weird as fuck to start out that way, but bless him for caring so much."
13."'You made my day!' I had diphtheria. It was a teaching hospital, and the students made me feel like a combo of a celebrity and ET."
14."Proctologist inserting camera said, 'Let me know when this feels good.'"
15."'We got your blood work back, and it turns out that you’re a Type 1 Diabetic!' I responded with, 'Yes, for the last 15 years, thank goodness I came to see a specialist.'"
16."I was getting a Pap smear. I’d told my doctor prior to this visit that I’ve been asexual/celibate over 15 years. When she slid the speculum in, she looked up and said, 'How long has it been?' I told her again. With a straight face she said, 'Oh, I thought I’d need a smaller speculum, but this one just slid right in.' I could have died. Just died. That was over five years ago, and I can’t forget it."
17."'Stay here. I have to contact the state health department.' Turns out I had Zika."
18."'Have you considered that you’re making this up?' I was literally throwing up daily and in pain. That was a private doctor that I paid good money for. It took a kind public doctor to tell me gently that I must be extremely stressed and it had started to affect my body. I was very young, so I hadn’t found my voice to state my boundaries and assert myself. That incident taught me to be just as kind as that public doctor was."
19."He told me to repeatedly hit my wrist with a Bible to get rid of some fluid buildup (a Ganglion). It worked, too. For the record, any heavy book or hard object could work, he just advised a Bible."
20.And finally, "'You have by far the largest tonsils I’ve ever seen in all my years as a doctor, I mean my god they are huge.' Then proceeded to show two other doctors, literally pulled them out of a room to show them. I wasn’t even sick; they are just naturally huge."
Now it's your turn! Have you ever had a doctor tell you something wildly out of pocket? If so, tell us about it in the comments below or via this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
