29 Sexist Men Women Who Are Attracted To Women Have Had To Deal With
I asked women who are attracted to women in the BuzzFeed Community to tell me a sexist thing a man has said to them about their sexuality. Here are some of the infuriating responses.
1."Apparently it's a 'waste of a pretty face' for me to be a lesbian? This was said to me by a customer at a pub I worked at, who was significantly older than me and also has a wife and kids, but he used to try and flirt with me all the time. He later asked for me and my girlfriend at the time to send him videos of us having sex."
2."My sister (who was 14) came out weeks earlier and a maternal uncle said, 'I feel sorry for your dad. He wanted a daddy's girl and gets a scissor slag instead.' That happened before I was born and the uncle remains a persona non grata in our family today. I still find his comment a bit shocking, to be honest."
3."I came out as bisexual in high school while my identical twin sister is straight. When guys in our grade found out, a few asked us at a party if we would make out WITH EACH OTHER (regardless of the fact that she's straight and not to mention the INCEST). We were disgusted and I realized just how much straight cis men fetishize female sexuality."
4."I'm Panromantic (I feel attraction to all genders, but only romantic attraction) and I have female preference. Once a man said, 'Well if you can give me some time I can fix both problems.' Note: he's WAY older than me and it would be illegal."
"When I came out to my friends, my more conservative male friend kept asking, 'Are you sure you don’t want to try a dick? Just once?' He wasn’t interested in me, but he was convinced that it was because I hadn't ever had straight intercourse. He’s better about it now since a few of my other friends came out, but I’m still bothered by that comment." —lilyw4a4585705
"I'm Lesbian and a man once said to me, 'Well you haven’t had me yet. I guarantee that letting me fuck you will make you straight.' My response: 'If God can’t change me then you sure as hell can’t and definitely won’t.'" —monique1986
"You just haven't had good dick yet." —prekeles
5."So many. But by far the strangest was: One time a man told me I married a woman because I was 'too tall in heels' for most guys. I 'obviously' wouldn’t wear flat shoes 'to keep a man.' I had to marry a woman so I could keep wearing high heels."
6."My ex told me he wouldn't believe that I was bi until he got to watch me eat pussy."
Netflix / Via giphy.com
7."I'm bisexual and a guy I dated before I met my husband would always point out women they wanted to have a threesome with. Regardless of me saying that I wasn't comfortable with that. Or he would repeatedly ask me to call up ex-girlfriends and see if they wanted to join in with us. He honestly thought being bi meant that's the only type of sex I wanted. It even got to the point that he would only sleep with me if we watched porn that has a threesome and always two women and one man. Not all bi people are poly (and there's nothing wrong with being poly either)."
"When I told an ex that I was bi (which I had already told him, but he chose not to believe for some reason), his response was, 'How do you know? Damn, we missed out on so many threesomes.' Truly the most toxic man I’ve ever met, ugh." —jealousalligator44
"I was talking to this boy and his friend said that he and I should have a threesome with another girl." —abbysoot5
"As a queer woman (still don’t have a label and might just keep it that way), I can point to this one guy who asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I said, 'Oh no, sorry I like women.' He then says, 'Oh that’s fine, we can just threesome with my girlfriend.' It was so fucking gross. I CAME OUT to this one guy." —ikeasoul
"One I hear soooo many times and is pushed on me in relationships is, 'Oh you're bi? Threesome here we come!' Like no dude, just cause I love both men and women doesn't automatically mean I do both at once." —addictivesoul
"Nearly every guy I've dated has asked me for a threesome with another gal because I was bi. Yet they never like it when I respond asking if they'd be down for a threesome with another guy." —sammh4c9e37536
8."I was told that I'm not really a lesbian, I just had self-esteem problems and thought I was too ugly to get a man. They told me this like they were giving advice, by the way."
9."My last boyfriend would often get inappropriately jealous. If I said thank you to our waitress, if he noticed I was watching a woman do makeup tutorials on YouTube, he didn’t like me showering at the gym, those are some examples I can think of. I finally had enough when he got jealous of me going on a bachelorette trip. He had absolutely no reason to question my loyalty to him and never had any problem with me interacting with other guys, but god forbid I even look at another woman."
"He didn’t like that I was nice to the waitress because it could’ve been flirting. He was a dick to her the whole meal. I should’ve left my number along with the huge tip I gave her. —amandaj41c1eea46
10."One of my friends' boyfriends heard I was bisexual and asked me, 'Do you need a cameraman?' Yes, because my sexuality means that all we do is porn."
11."A man said to me, 'I'm only gay 'cause I'm scared of men.'"
12."I myself am not bisexual, but my friend is and she always talks about how whenever she's dating a man, people are like, 'Oh, so you're straight now! CONGRATULATIONS?!' Like WTF?"
13."I told this guy that I was dating at the time that I was bi and his only response was, 'That’s so fucking hot.'"
"Guy I used to sleep with got dumped. Messaged me. Told him I was happy with my girlfriend. His response: 'Hot! Let me know if you want a third ;)'." —laureng4f05340e1
14."In seventh grade, a boy sat on my desk and started rubbing his ass on it, then he proceeded to ask if he should pretend he’s a girl."
15."I had brought up that I was bi in conversation with this guy, and he literally responded with, 'I think that’s a bad choice but whatever,' then he proceeded to tell me all about how it was either a choice or a mental illness and I was going to hell, etc. Before I just blocked him he had said something along the lines of, 'You women only think that you can act this way because of all those lesbians in suits on TV.' Like what???"
16."Once on a first date with a straight man, he straight up asked, 'Do you give good head?' I choked on my drink and said, 'Excuse me?' He replied with a moan, 'Yeah, you're bi, of course you give good head. Bi girls are freaks. No need to be bashful, baby.'"
17."Had an old man basically ask me out in front of his GRANDKIDS (I’m 24) and I said, 'No thank you, and I don’t swing that way anyway.' Then he said, 'Can I watch?' Fucking absolutely sick. In front of children in a store."
"After my girlfriend (now wife) and I told a guy who had been chatting us up (yes, both of us) that we weren't interested and we were a couple, he blinked, then replied, 'That's OK, I love lesbians! I watch them all the time in my porn.'" —glamorousanarchist
18."'You can cheat on me with a woman, but never cheat on me with a man.' ??????."
ITV2 / Via giphy.com
19."A coworker was talking about the queer people in the store who were managers and mentioned the two people he knew of. I, a pansexual woman, said, 'And there’s me,' to which he felt entitled to assume, since I’m married to a masc-presenting person, 'Yeah but you haven’t been with a woman, right?' Both the assumption that sapphics who haven’t had sexual experiences with other women aren’t valid and the fact that he felt entitled to know this information about me stunned me into silence. Bonus: he got fired after sexually harassing a lesbian manager."
20."'The only work you'll ever get is in the porn industry.' –several men I've met in my life."
Warner Bros. / Via giphy.com
21."Because I don't 'look gay' – what even IS it to 'look gay??!?' – I have to 'come out' to every person I meet. You learn to see a particular look in men's eyes when you drop 'my wife' into the conversation. Every single time, they look 'shocked' and then one of two things happens: Either they bend over backwards to tell you about their friend's sister's uncle who is gay and how amazing it is, or they make a creepy comment about how they never would have guessed, and act like it's a compliment. Why is being mistaken for a straight woman supposed to be something I'm flattered by?"
22."A guy I dated for a while in my twenties told me that, since I'm bisexual, we both could look at women on the street together, like he really thought that the fact I am attracted to women meant I will see women, look at them, or treat them as I were a man. WTF?!"
23."'I always forget you are a lesbian. Are you sure?'" Two months later, he’s angling for a threesome with me and my wife."
24."My ex-husband (who I left for a woman and never looked back) thought he got to ask me how we could define it as 'sex' because there was no penis and he assumed that it couldn't be satisfying because we couldn't get off at the same time. For one thing, buddy, yeah we can, and for another, it's bold of you to assume that you EVER got me off."
25."My ex-boyfriend told me I wasn’t really bi because I was dating him."
Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com
26."My girlfriend and I were at a bar and ended up joking and chatting with two guys and a gal at the table over. They invited us to sit with them. As soon as we sat down, one of the guys said, 'So, are you guys lesbians or just friends? We've been placing bets.' We tried to laugh it off and they KEPT PRESSING, despite our obvious discomfort. They even tried to guess which of us is the 'butch' and the 'femme.' I was livid and wish I would've told them off that very moment. We left the table and I made sure to tell the bartenders about it. Not your fucking business, dudes!!!"
27."I had a boyfriend who thought it would be hot if I made out with his bisexual friend. We both started to get really into it and he got pissed off at me for the whole situation."
28."I was working a shift in retail and some old man came up behind me and asked, 'Can I take you to dinner?' I was startled (literally didn’t even hear him come up) and I said, 'No I have a girlfriend.' His response? 'She can come too.' ??????."
29.And finally, "Honestly, where do I start? The majority of these comments come from creepy guys in clubs/bars when they get talking to me and my girlfriend: 'That’s sooo hot, I love lesbians,' 'Go on, kiss each other for me,' 'So do you use strap ons?,' 'How can you both have sex without a guy?,' 'You just haven’t had the right dick yet.' Honestly, it’s the main reason I get anxious in bars and clubs these days. I can’t just be me, or even hold my fiancé's hand."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.
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