‘Why It’s Important For Me To Have A Black Therapist’
When I was in high school, I was suffering from intense suicidal ideation but didn’t want to tell my family. My dad is British and Nigerian and my mom is from South Central L.A. Their cultural background didn’t give them a lot of room for exploring mental illness, particularly how it could affect a Black teen growing up in an affluent household.
They couldn’t grasp how I could be feeling suicidal when they had provided me with a stable life and love and care. I only told my parents how bad my mental health had really gotten after a friend said he would tell them if I didn’t.
My mom took me to the hospital, where I stayed for five days. Back then, I thought I could fix my mental illness. Now, I know it’s always going to be a part of my life and I can accept that and learn how to deal with it.
It hasn’t always been easy to find therapists and therapy modalities that work for me. As a Black woman, I’ve found I feel most comfortable when my therapist is a Black woman or Black femme. It’s so hard feeling like I have to explain every part of what it’s like to be a Black person to a white therapist. You shouldn’t have to explain your very existence in therapy, you know?
Once, I had a white therapist who was very sweet but would get so sad when I would tell her about racist things that happened to me. It started to feel like I was the one comforting her, which isn’t the point of therapy! Patients deserve to have therapists who understand their lived experience.
I’m lucky that my parents have come a long way in their understanding of mental illness and that I’ve been able to work through mine in different kinds of therapy—cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is my favorite so far—with a therapist who makes me feel understood.
My therapist was able to help me realize, through CBT, that when I’m struggling with suicidal ideation, it’s not because I don’t want to live, it’s because I’m just not happy with the current way I’m living, and even though there are things I cannot change (like the way I’m treated in the world), I have control over me.
While I can’t change that I have a mental illness, I do have the power to make adjustments to my life. That shift in thinking has been huge for me.
This story is part of Women's Health’s coverage of Mental Illness Awareness Week, which takes place from October 3rd through October 9th. If you feel like you're struggling with your mental health, don't hesitate to reach out for help. You can get support and information from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) by calling 1-800-950-NAMI (6264). Volunteers are available to speak with you Monday through Friday, from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. EST. If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, where help is available 24/7.
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