Why You're So Shook By Celebrity Breakups
Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears’ 2002 split legit changed my life. As a 14-year-old girl, I proclaimed “Love is dead!!!” I mean, they wore matching denim outfits to an awards show... how could they not stay together forever? Then, in 2004, when America’s sweethearts Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston divorced, it marked the end of romance as I knew it. From there, the hits just kept coming: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, Chris Pratt and Anna Faris, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan. Ugh, please make it stop...
For real: I still feel genuine shock and palpable sorrow every time I learn of a new celebrity breakup. But I don’t even know these couples, so why do I, and so many young women, react to such news as if it is the worst upset ever? Are we getting all shook for no reason?
No, actually. Feeling devastated about failed Hollywood romances is normal, says therapist Kathryn Smerling, PhD, especially when you consider that these relationships often unfold in the public eye. The over-the-top-romantic vacations, the engagements, the weddings: These milestones dominate pop culture headlines and our social media feeds, making us feel like we’re part of every step. “When we see couples that seem really strong, we can’t help but romanticize their relationships and become seriously invested in their success,” says Smerling. “They seem like real-life examples of fairy tales, like love conquers all and dreams do come true.” In other words, we start actually believing that famous people have some sort of secret power when it comes to getting love right.
Of course, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. What we’re getting from these A-list relationships is a false depiction of reality. “Our culture has raised up celebs to the point that they’re perfect-we’ve forgotten that they experience real emotions and problems,” says therapist Cortney S. Warren, PhD. So when a high-profile marriage or whirlwind affair bursts into flames, bam! We’re blindsided. Distraught.
Keep this in mind the next time your fave famous duo releases a statement about consciously uncoupling. Go ahead and feel traumatized for a beat (same!), but then return to focusing on your own life, since that’s what’s in your control. As Warren says, “You have your own goals to worry about.”
If you find that you’re beyond obsessed with the latest divorce alert-and the news is affecting your happiness or overtaking convos with people who clearly DGAF-you may need to take a hard look at your own situation. You could have similar issues you’re not addressing, says Smerling. For example, freaking out about Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian may be triggering the betrayal you still feel from when an ex stepped out on you. You need to tend to and heal from these personal emotional wounds. Once you do, a celeb’s pain won’t rock you as much.
Oh, and one final thing: Try to ease up on comparing your own love life to that of the stars’ you idolize. “It reinforces the notion that this is the only kind of romance that you should aspire to, or the only one worth having,” says Smerling. Holding out for such a seemingly picture-perfect bond is a risky move. Especially since, if/when your number-one public relationship goes poof, you’ll likely bemoan: If they can’t make it work, what are the odds that I can? Believe it or not, this is a form of self-sabotage, says Smerling. “By using celebrities as measuring sticks against your own romantic connections, you may turn away from great relationships that don’t seem as ‘perfect.’” And honestly, that’s sadder than John Cena and Nikki Bella.
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