“The Way of Integrity” Reader’s Guide
"Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may earn commission or revenue on some items through the links below."
Everyone who follows Oprah's Book Club is by now aware that Oprah’s 94th OBC selection is Martha Beck’s The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self (The Open Field/A Penguin Life Book). Beck is a longtime life coach and bestselling author who, in this latest work of nonfiction, challenges readers to confront their fears and to reexamine their goals and yearnings—to embark on a journey toward purpose.
On February 8, Oprah sat down with Martha Beck on an Oprah Daily livestream as part of her new “The Life You Want” Class series. For those who want to deepen their experience of the book and class, check out this reader’s guide, which lights the way. —Leigh Haber, books director, Oprah Daily
Questions and Topics for Discussion
At the beginning of The Divine Comedy, Dante says that in the middle of life, he “came to” to find himself lost in a confusing, frightening wilderness. Martha says this can be a metaphor for any of us losing our real purpose or our joy. It happens when we learn to follow paths that don’t match our inner truth; we’re like machines that have lost their structural integrity.
Have you ever had the experience of realizing your life wasn’t what you wanted it to be, or what you expected? Did you find yourself struggling to figure out where you went wrong? This is the “dark wood of error” most people face when they’ve unwittingly lost their integrity.Dante sees a golden mountain he calls “Mount Delectable.” In The Way of Integrity, Martha refers to this mountain as a symbol of all the ways our culture tells us we should strive for success. When Dante tries to climb the mountain, he runs into wild animals that make him feel terrified, depressed or desperate. For Martha, Mount Delectable looked like academic success at Harvard. What about you? What’s an example of when you’ve gone after some kind of “success” only to find that it didn’t fulfill you?
Martha says that when we commit to getting out of the Dark Wood of Error and return to integrity, we encounter “soul teachers” who help us, often in unexpected ways. They may be books, circumstances, or people. Whatever form they take, though, they can surprise us by appearing “anomalous, annoying, incomprehensible, or downright weird.” Martha’s greatest soul teacher is her son, Adam. Can you identify any of the soul teachers who have come into your life? Why were they important to you?
Dante’s way out of the Dark Wood lies directly through hell, which he calls the Inferno. Most of the demons trapped there never meant to do wrong. They simply learned beliefs and habits from other people that led them away from their deepest integrity. Martha calls these “errors of innocence.” One of hers was adhering to the religion of her childhood, thinking it would lead to spiritual fulfillment. What errors of innocence can you see in your own life, actions that took you away from happiness even though you were doing your best to be good?
Deeper in the Inferno, Dante encounters people who attack each other, either physically or psychologically. Martha says that these people have committed “errors of righteousness.” Our brains are designed to fear anything unfamiliar, and this often leads to rejecting people who seem different from us in any way. We may see them as “the other” and consider them a threat to our way of life—a huge division from our deeper longing to connect and appreciate others. Taking racism as an example, what are some ways that we as individuals and society can overcome this tendency so that we can undo the “errors of righteousness” in our social systems?
Martha writes, “When we go to war on something that we see as a war on us, the ultimate winner isn’t either side of the conflict, but war itself.” For example, when two people have an argument that turns into shaming and blaming, rather than problem-solving, the problems only multiply. What’s an example of a time you’ve experienced this or witnessed it in the world?
In The Divine Comedy, the deepest, most painful part of the Inferno is occupied by those who have betrayed the innocent. Martha says that most children unconsciously betray themselves. When they believe that others don’t completely approve of them, they conclude that they are fundamentally unacceptable and unloveable. She writes that our worst suffering is “driven by some version of one single lie: I am not loved.” Do you agree? Why or why not?
Most of us assume that our beliefs are simply the truth. Martha asks us to radically question our own beliefs, some of which might not align with our integrity. Was the idea of questioning the truth of your own thoughts and beliefs a surprising or challenging one for you? If so, what was the most surprising?
In Purgatory, we learn that it isn’t enough to bring our beliefs into integrity. Once we know the truth, we have to “walk our talk.” This is so frightening that many people never begin. They’re too afraid to leave the toxic job or defy the prejudices of their parents, and live their own truth. They may stay silent in situations of injustice. Have you known people who are stuck at the base of Purgatory and can’t seem to take that first step? Or have you ever felt stuck in the base of Purgatory?
Martha embarked on her first integrity challenge at age 29, when she decided not to tell a single lie for one calendar year (she extended that time limit for subsequent “integrity challenges”). Would you ever voluntarily give up all forms of lying for a day, a week, a month? In what areas of your life do you think this would be hardest?
Would you be prepared to endure a full year of total integrity, including all the changes it would bring if you knew that at the end of that time, you’d experience:
Better physical health
A lightness of spirit and a joyful heart
Fulfilling relationships
Work you love, and
A sense of alignment with your life’s purpose?
Martha says that once you have reached alignment of body, heart, mind, and spirit (full integrity), you will experience the unlimited joy that Dante describes feeling in Paradise. Do you believe this is possible? Do you believe this is possible for you?
Just before he enters Paradise, Dante is immersed in a river that makes him forget everything he’s ever done wrong, and remember everything he’s ever done right. This eliminates his remaining shame and fear, leaving him in complete integrity and ready to enter Paradise. If you could step into this river, do you think Dante’s unlimited joy would be more accessible to you? How can you shift your focus from dwelling on your mistakes to remembering all your “good deeds”?
Martha mentions the psychological term “negativity bias,” which describes the way our brains tend to focus most of our attention on what’s wrong and ignore what’s right. She sees this as a lapse of integrity, something we must change to live in truth. Where in your life do you see this playing out? What do you think would happen if you shifted to a “positivity bias,” where most of your attention went to appreciation, gratitude, and self-approval?
Martha talks about “fractals” as patterns that repeat in our lives. Your inner state affects the people and events around you, bringing them into alignment with whatever you’re feeling. If you were to live in a state of joy, how might this affect your surroundings— your friends, your family, your workplace? If we all worked to get closer to this state, coming into integrity with one another as well as ourselves, what might the world look like?
You Might Also Like