Victoria, season 3, episode 3, ITV, review: Pert period drama enjoys its own Poldark moment

Anything Poldark can do, Victoria can do more royally. After all, the two dramas are made by the same production company, Mammoth Screen, which seems to specialise in pert period posterior-baring.

Victoria (ITV) enjoyed its own Poldark moment when unfeasibly handsome footman Joseph (David Burnett) stripped off his red frock coat - along with the rest of his clothing - for a bracing swim, like a downstairs Mr Darcy.

When he ran naked into the sea, you could almost hear half the audience at home sighing approvingly, while the other half harrumphed and rustled their newspapers. As Victoria herself might say, we are bot amused.

The third episode of the lavish historical saga, titled “Et In Arcadia”, saw the royal family settling into Osborne House, their estate on the Isle of Wight. For Albert (Tom Hughes), the solitude was a chance to educate his children but sulky seven-year-old Prince Bertie (Laurie Shepherd) was proving tricky to teach.

When Albert rowed with Victoria (Jenna Coleman) over his stern parenting style, she threw a glass of wine in her husband’s face. Don’t worry about wastage - it was a disappointing white rather than the good stuff.

Increasingly frustrated by being away from her adoring public, Victoria tried to “make the most of the amenities” by taking a dip herself - fully clothed, of course - but had to be rescued by her devoted dresser Skerrett (Nell Hudson).

“I think we have established that the Queen Of England is not a fish,” declared the Queen in slightly surreal style. Skerrett soon broke the news of her resignation, so she could spend more time with her husband’s scene-stealing hirsute chest.

The outside world intruded when foreign secretary Lord Palmerston (smirking, swaggering Laurence Fox), stirred up trouble by welcoming a controversial Hungarian freedom fighter to Westminster. To quell the kerfuffle in Parliament, Victoria summoned both Palmerston and the Prime Minister, John Russell (John Sessions, all bulging eyes and bushy sideburns), for a regal talking-to.

Whilst beside the seaside, incorrigible scoundrel Palmerston became embroiled in a game of intrigue with Victoria’s scheming half-sister Feodora (Kate Fleetwood) and made amorous advances on the Duchess of Monmouth (Lily Travers). Just as courtly tongues were wagging, their nocturnal liaison was foiled and descended into bedroom farce.

Writer Daisy Goodwin did her best but this was soporific, deeply middling drama. An upmarket soap stretched to fill an hour. German accents occasionally veered into ‘Allo ‘Allo territory, while the handsome production design couldn’t compensate for the paper-thin plot.

The frisky footman came as a welcome distraction. A Mellors-and-Lady-Chatterley romance is brewing with the Duchess Of Monmouth, who seemed to be up for flirting with anything. Even the ornamental hedges weren’t safe from her eyelash-fluttering.

Headline-grabbing, Twitter-titillating TV bottom-baring has traditionally been the BBC's domain, with Poldark’s Aidan Turner, The Night Manager’s Tom Hiddleston and Bodyguard’s Richard Madden in Bodyguard all showing their cheeky sides in recent years.

Now ITV got in on the act. Well, the commercial channel needed something to compete with the hit police thriller on the other side. The BBC might have Line Of Duty but ITV had signs of booty.