‘Transitioning Is What Made Me Feel Most Comfortable In My Own Skin’
It’s not easy to love yourself when you’re told your existence isn’t valid, and that you shouldn’t be here. Being a trans woman of color can be especially lonely if you don’t have a network of support. If you don’t fit in with society, you create your own community, which is what I did. Sharing my transition publicly, especially on my YouTube channel, has been one of the most empowering things for me.
When I first started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) seven years ago, I was in the middle of high school, in the later stages of puberty (right when I was experiencing typical teen issues like hormones, emotional fluctuations, and acne). And because I was presenting as a woman, my concerns around my skin, hair, and anything looks-related were heightened. I decided to start my channel to experiment with different hair and makeup styles, and so other people could see what I was going through.
At that time, I was hyper-conscious of everything about my appearance, including making sure my brows were always groomed and my body hair was invisible. Every other day I shaved my face, leaving behind scars on my newly delicate skin (estrogen softens the skin).
Over time, though, my facial features shifted. My cheeks filled out, my brow bone went down, and my nose started thinning. Every change felt like an accomplishment—and positively affected the way I saw myself.
That progress came to a halt in 2017 when I was dealing with drug addiction and stopped HRT. When I quit taking the hormones, my breasts stopped developing, and it affected my whole body. I felt as if I had lost my womanhood and myself. I went dark on my social media.
Depression and anxiety were part of my struggle in overcoming addiction, but I was determined to pick up the remnants of myself with therapy to work on my mental health, as well as long-distance running to cope with my anxiety. That self-work pushed me to get back on HRT, back to posting on YouTube, and back to who I am.
Now I think of my skincare and self-care routines as a reflection of being mentally healthy—it’s about having the energy, drive, and focus to take care of myself and what I’m going through. When I look at my skin today, compared with when I first started transitioning, I’m proud of it. Being a medium-skinned Latina, I was told I was too dark, always “too” something. Now I look at my deep bronze skin tone, my soft cheeks, my cellulite, and I love it all.
Seven years isn’t that long, but when you’re constantly going through change, you forget to reflect on how far you’ve come. I’m happy to express myself as Trinity. I’m sober, and I’m proud to be here. But I’m not done. I don’t want to ever say that I’m finished evolving, because where’s the beauty in that?
Medical experts explain how a male-to-female transition can change your body—and how to care for your skin through it all.
HRT affects your appearance from head to toe.
You’ll probably stay on gender-affirming hormone therapy for life because your body doesn’t produce those sex hormones otherwise. Hormones like estrogen are key for maintaining solid bone health, too, explains Maurice Garcia, MD, director of the transgender health and surgery program at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.
Taking estrogen and progesterone during HRT changes your facial features. You might notice rounder cheeks and a less angular jawline, softer skin texture, and more body fat. The distribution of your body fat will shift too, and you might see thicker upper thighs, more fat in the lower abdomen area, and cellulite in places you've never had it. “Adding progesterone can improve breast growth, may enhance some of the side effects of estrogen, like softer skin, and can dampen the effects of testosterone, including hair growth,” adds Dr. Garcia.
While taking estrogen, you may notice more dry or dark spots on your skin.
Increased dryness is common when you’re undergoing estrogen HRT. That's because testosterone can cause oiliness in your skin, and that’s being blocked. Plus, you may also be prescribed a T-blocker during your transition. There’s also a chance more estrogen could contribute to melasma, the appearance of brownish patches or darker spots on your face, as it stimulates melanin production in your skin, according to Jennifer MacGregor, MD, a dermatologist at Union Square Laser Dermatology in New York City, who regularly treats and researches transgender patients and their skin concerns.
If you're a trans woman of color, you might see subtle differences in the color of your skin, which could be due to lack of moisture, Dr. Garcia adds. But regardless of your skin tone, if you notice new moles or dark spots, talk to a dermatologist about scheduling frequent body checks.
To find a directory of LGBTQ+ and trans-allied medical professionals, check out resources like the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association or the World Professional Association For Transgender Health.
The products on your vanity will need to adapt along with you.
For your basic skincare regimen during your transition, it’ll benefit you to switch to a heavy-duty moisturizer. “Any moisturizer that’s thin enough to pump out of a bottle is generally not adequate for really dry skin. Look for a jar or squeeze tube,” Dr. MacGregor says.
Trade harsh exfoliants (like glycolic acid pads or salicylic acid products) for hydrating cleansers and gentle glycolic acid washes or products containing polyhydroxy acids. Beyond that, tailor your routine to your skin type, whether you’re naturally acne-prone, rosacea-prone, or have combination skin. Dr. MacGregor suggests chatting with a dermatologist specifically about finding a new skincare routine that's right for you.
A version of this article originally appeared in the June 2021 issue of Women's Health. For more great advice, pick up a copy of the issue on newsstands now.
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