Say 'Thank-yous' often…and accept them graciously | Studer

“Thank you.” “No, thank you!” One thing we will never agree on is who should be thanking whom.

In 1996, I met Norm Adams. Norm was older than me and served as a life guide until his passing. His teaching lives on. In late 1999, I was considering starting my own company. I shared with Norm that I did not know what to do. The idea of leaving a secure job, in which I was happy, for a role in which no salary was guaranteed was scary. As the conversation unfolded, he helped me see how fear was getting the best of me. I made the decision to start my own company. As I was leaving, I told Norm, “Thank you.” He looked me in the eye and said, “The one thing we will never agree on is who should be thanking whom.”

A few weeks back, the Houston Astros were in New York City playing the New York Mets. Joe Espada manages the Astros, and Carlos Mendoza manages the Mets. Both men had played on an independent team I owned in Pensacola, Florida, after being released from minor league affiliate teams. They played in Pensacola for two years. Both left the Pensacola Pelicans for coaching positions. In 2024, on the same day, they were announced as managers of major league baseball teams.

Over the years, I have stayed in touch with both men as they worked their way to their current positions. As their teams were playing against each other in New York City, I sent each a text letting them know it’s been a joy following them these past 20 years. I shared how blessed I am to know them.

They both wrote back thanking me. While I feel they would have been successful even if they had never played in Pensacola, the “who should be thanking whom” conversation with Norm came to mind. They were thanking me for the opportunity, and I was thanking them for the experience of watching their lives unfold.

Today, I understand what Norm meant. I see thousands of people do very well, many much better than me. At one time, I would have been jealous and found fault with them in some way. Today, I enjoy seeing the impact these individuals are having and taking the opportunity to learn from them.

Last week's column: How to help leaders accurately assess their own performance | Studer

Another issue I struggled with in the past is receiving compliments. When I was 31, I experienced depression and sought help. My therapist Amy Storm noticed that when she gave me positive feedback, I turned away and pushed back. Her observation was that I filtered out the positives. Yes, I should also accept the less-positive feedback…but if I filter out the positives, and let in only the negatives, of course I will not feel good. This was life-changing for me.

I notice this trait in others. I will compliment a person, and they will push back, saying, “It’s nothing,” or, “I was just lucky.” I then share my story on filtering out the positives and suggest they simply say, “Thank you.”

A few tips:

1. When Carlos and Joe thanked me and wrote that Pensacola was a considerable influence on their success, it felt good. When I thanked them for the blessing of staying in touch all these years and being able to watch their success, I meant it. Yes, we should all be thanking each other. We all won.

2. Accept a thank-you without pushing back.

3. Be generous with thank-yous. Bad news travels fast, and good news may not get out of the starting gate. I was on a flight scheduled for 6:00 p.m. that kept getting delayed. The person at the counter kept updating the situation. We ended up leaving at 9:25 p.m. I thanked the person for the effective communication. I have experienced times when frequent communication did not happen. The person said she needed to hear that.

Do not underestimate the difference you make.

With that…thank you. I am blessed that I get to do what I do. I have not worked in years in the literal sense. Why? I love writing and teaching. You provide me with the opportunity to do both.

We are the lucky ones.

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Quint is the coauthor (with Katherine A. Meese, PhD) of The Human Margin: Building the Foundations of Trust, a leadership resource that combines the latest workplace research findings with tactics proven to help people and organizations flourish. His book Rewiring Excellence: Hardwired to Rewired provides doable tools and techniques that help employees and physicians find joy in their work and enhance patients’ and families’ healthcare experiences. His book The Calling: Why Healthcare Is So Special helps healthcare professionals keep their sense of passion and purpose high. In Sundays with Quint, he shares a selection of his popular leadership columns for leaders, employees, and business owners in all industries.

Quint is the cofounder of Healthcare Plus Solutions Group, a consulting firm that specializes in delivering customized solutions to diagnose and treat healthcare organizations’ most urgent pain points.

For more information on Quint, visit HealthcarePlusSG.com.

This article originally appeared on Pensacola News Journal: Quint Studer | Say 'Thank-yous' often…and accept them graciously