The Secret Benefit of Generosity

“I need your help.”

It was my girlfriend and she sounded uncharacteristically panicked.

“My car just broke down. I’m about a half-mile down the road, on El Prado.”

“Do you need me to come down there?”

“No, I’ll just pick up the car and carry it to your house.”

Her comment wasn’t as hostile as it might have just read. We barbed each other quite a bit. She wasn’t hard to spot when I got there. There was a big white truck, stuck on the side of a busy two-lane road. She insisted on having an oversized gas guzzler because it made her feel safer on the road.

I parked across the street, jumped out of my car, ran over, and got behind the truck. I started pushing with everything I had, leaning in hard to initiate some momentum.

She held the steering wheel and asked, “Are you pushing?”

Then the truck snailed forward with cars zooming past us. I was already starting to breathe hard and we had more than 100 yards to go until we’d arrive. It was going to be a long journey. Then, suddenly, two men appeared on both sides of me. They leaned into the truck and it accelerated forward until we were moving at a slow jog. A few moments later, we turned into the parking lot.

I thanked them profusely. They smiled and waved it off as no big deal. They walked back to their truck across the street. They’d pulled over just to help us. You rarely forget acts of kindness. They remind you that not everyone is selfish and that people have empathy and a desire to help.

Giving to others isn’t just a lofty ideal. It is proven to bring more joy into your life, in more ways than initially thought.

An experiment on happiness

Generosity and happiness are scientifically linked — and you may not notice it at first.

For example, a study published in The Journal of Social Psychology recently examined this very subject with a test:

• They split people into two groups and asked one group to do a random act of kindness each day for 10 days straight.

• The other group was asked to live normally.

The group that gave acts of kindness saw significant increases in satisfaction versus the group that lived normally. In a Harvard Study, research groups were instructed to spend $20 on someone else versus themselves. They saw the exact same result as the prior study, feeling much better about their lives.

The pleasant insight from these studies: most people genuinely care about others. People aren’t as selfish as they might seem. Sometimes, they just need some external motivation to see the light. There are easy ways you can start today.

Kindness isn’t just about throwing money at people

The next time you are out and being helped by someone — it could be a barber, a waitress — someone repairing your car, working on your house — and you are satisfied with their work, make it a point to say, “You did a good job.”

Even better — say why they did a good job.

Just today, I went to Subway. There was a middle-aged Haitian man who is always there when I go. He always has amazing energy and smiles at each customer. Last week, I went in and he had four Hispanic maids getting sandwiches and they didn’t speak a lick of English. He made a great effort to speak Spanish and get their order and did so with a grin. I rarely see that enthusiasm in workers these days — especially in such thankless jobs. So I told him I appreciated his great attitude.

He smiled and said, “I’ve always believed that when you do something, you should go all in — no matter what it is.” You can compliment someone’s attention to detail, and the effort they put in.

Affirming a person’s performance makes them feel competent, respected, and appreciated. You’ll feel happier. It’s the opposite of the hangover after losing your temper and saying something stupid. Even further, these acts often cause contagious kindness. It’s a phenomenon UCLA’s Kindness Institute studied, finding that people who observe an act of kindness are more likely to perform an act of kindness.

In essence, “paying it forward” is backed by research.

One last example

I took my significant other to a nice restaurant.

Our waiter was like a trained assassin. He was in character, like an actor who’d been hired to play a fine dining waiter in a spy movie.

His attitude was perfect. He had the entire menu memorized. If you asked him a food question, he could instantly recall all of the details of each item without any signs of mental effort. Everything this waiter did was in perfect character, standing up straight, looking you in the eyes, with a great charisma. He often gave a small smile — without overdoing it.

Many people would write off being a waiter as a transition job, or something just to pay the bills. For this man — it was a lifestyle. My significant other is a vegetarian. She wanted to modify her order and made a very specific request, “Can I have this with tofu instead and also change this and this?”

Without missing a beat, he said, “You can have anything you want!” His lack of even the smallest hesitation and his eagerness to serve, made us feel welcome and in good hands. When everything was said and done, my girlfriend said to him, “I don’t say this lightly — but you might be the best waiter I’ve ever had. Keep doing what you are doing.” He seemed very appreciative.

Of course, we tipped him well after that. It would have been a Scrooge McDuck move to stiff him out of a tip after a big compliment. After all, compliments don’t pay the bills.

The takeaway on being kind

Bring positive energy into the world and the world will send it back. Tip extra when it’s deserved. Compliment when it’s unexpected and be specific. Mention the employee to the manager. Write a great, detailed review.

Go out of your way to send out good vibes and you can become the start of a virtuous cycle. You will have the satisfaction of knowing you made this world better, one tiny nudge at a time. There’s an old quote by Confucius, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” (The second grave is your own.)

Per the research, the inverse seems to be true with acts of kindness — before embarking on an act of kindness, prepare for two smiles.