Humor: Check out our new affordable healthcare plan "hope for the best"
A healthcare plan for the masses
Are you searching through healthcare options and finding the whole process daunting? We get that. That's why we created a plan specifically for consumers like you who are forced to find a plan they can afford on the open marketplace. Without further ado, allow me to introduce Hope for the Best.
For a mere $200 per year, you get a plan that guarantees you someone to talk to who isn't a health professional. The plan will allow you to respond "Yes" when anyone asks if you have healthcare. Oh, won't that feel so good? Also, it means no pesky fees to pay the government come tax season. Save that money for a visit to the emergency room since we sure won't pay for it.
Here's a fun fact. We won't give you much. You get one yearly checkup, as we are legally obligated to provide that if we want to call ourselves a healthcare provider. You can choose between tens of doctors living anywhere from five to one hundred miles from your current location. You don't have to see them though! You can always hope for the best!
Ah, I see you understand where our name comes from now. We did tons of market research and found out that most Americans were already hoping for the best. So why not capitalize on that? We're proud to help everyone out there who doesn't have access to stable healthcare get through their worst moments. But not with money. We will not pay for a thing.
Here's what we will do. If you have any concerns about your health, call our hotline. A representative will ask you about your symptoms. Then, they will look up those symptoms online and help you figure out the least scary thing it might be. You can hang up the phone knowing precisely what to hope for. This is the best we can offer with the basic plan.
Want a little more? For $250 a year, we will allow you to access our GoFundMe team once a year. These experts will craft you the perfect copy to get your campaign noticed by people with money. Money, I reiterate, that will not be coming from us. Also, please note that we don't make videos. Find a friend with a good phone if you want to have a better chance at getting funds for your health a better shot. We'll be rooting for you and hoping for the best.
Some might say this is ridiculous, that you shouldn't have to sign up for a plan like Hope for the Best in a wealthy country that could afford to care for its citizens. Unfortunately for you, that's how it is, and we're all you've got. What are you going to do? Pay for another plan that is outside your budget? I don't think so. If you could pay for that, you would already be a part of our premium plan, Screw the Small People I'm Going to Live Forever. If you haven't heard about it, you can't afford it, so don't fret your small, poor head.
Look, we're all in this crazy system together. We're neither doctors nor willing to pay for you to see a doctor beyond that one appointment a year. But with Hope for the Best, we'll do everything you already do for a small fee. Join us to get peace of mind and hope. But remember, that's it.
Join today!
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