Spencer Pratt Recaps This Week's "Siesta Key"
On this week’s episode of Siesta Key, viewers were forced into a full-body cringe as Pauly Paul’s rap dreams came crashing to the ground, Garrett and Juliette tried to make their new relationship work - to Kelsey’s dismay - and Brandon and Madisson got even closer, although that story line’s getting a little stale.
Elsewhere, Alex realized that he loves Madisson, Kelsey got it from all sides, and the facade was finally dropped: Kelsey admitted that she’d cheated on Garrett at The Gatsby gala, but since we’ve known about it for the past month (thanks, Chloe!), it didn’t create as much of a ripple as we had hoped.
We caught up with reality king Spencer Pratt to talk about what went down, how Pauly Paul should recover from his latest career setback, and whether such a thing as "girl code" actually even exists.
On Chloe’s narration
"She sounds like a wicked witch watching a crystal ball from her castle tower."
On Kelsey
"Why did Kelsey keep talking about 'girl code?' I thought that was only in movies. That doesn’t exist. And if it did, it wouldn’t apply to jacking other people’s boyfriends. I’m so confused by Kelsey, so confused by this girl. I don’t get her thought process. If Alex didn’t have his shark thing going on, she would easily be the show’s villain. She makes him look likable."
Heidi Pratt: "I think there’s no such thing as girl code, especially when you're not friends. I think she just thought it was a good line to say. Some producer told her that line, so she's like, 'Oh, good, I'm going to go with that!' No, you're not even friends! And you cheated with her boyfriend. I don't even understand what you're talking about here. Playing victim like that when you're the killer is not a good idea. I think she's realizing her future, that she's become this character. She definitely doesn't want to be this kind of this cheating, slutty character, that's not the image that she went in with. She's like 'Wait, I was supposed to be Juliette.'"
On Kelsey and Juliette’s confrontation
"I don't even know why she's talking to Juliette about Garrett. It's like, you bailed on this fool, you cheated on him. Who cares what he knows? Who cares what any girl is telling him? I guess it's for storyline, but she looks really emotionally invested in it. I’m changing my mind. I think she wanted to date Garrett for all his nice notes, and for how he treated her; and she wants to date Alex for the mansion, the TV show, and the boat."
On the "new Juliette"
"This Juliette would have been the narrator of the entire season, if she'd come episode one with this much personality. I know that it’s story and that’s why she let it slide, but the Juliette I’m rooting for? The second Kelsey touched Garrett's arm to motion for him to come talk to her at the club, that Juliette would have showed up right there, grabbed Garrett's arm, and been like, 'Fuck that! Go outside with her, you and I are done!'"
On Kelsey’s reaction to Garrett and Juliette kissing
"She's insane, calling Garrett an asshole. I don't know Garrett at all, but I would pretty much say he's the least asshole in the Siesta Key. No one tuning in thinks he’s the asshole, okay? Garett’s not a fucking asshole for getting a new TV-star girlfriend and not needing you for airtime. Garrett’s middle name is 'nice.' I'm just so happy for him. It's so amazing watching him get to win, you know? He was always this loser on the show, and now he's just the man. Both these girls are now fighting for him and he's poor! He doesn't even need a boat to get the girls!"
On Garrett and Juliette
"I think my favorite part was when when they were talking about the dessert on their date. I thought for sure that there was no way Garrett could eat any dessert, and then when he had the bite, and she mocked him with, 'Oh, my meal plan,' or whatever, I was like, damn, girl’s got jokes, she needs to talk way more. At least she keeps it real for us non eight-packers that don’t know what it takes. I used to eat two whole entire pies every night for like two years, and this guy’s not even eating a bite?"
On Garrett and Juliette’s date
"Juliette ordered surf and turf. Juliette forgot she’s not on a date with Alex. I hope she brought Alex’s credit card."
On Chloe "giving it" to Kelsey
"Chloe had so much fun giving it to her. She's like, 'Oh, how much fun is it being the skinny model now?' Did you see the look on Kelsey’s face? The only other time I've seen a face that shocked on this show is when Brandon asked Madisson what she thought of his music and she actually told the truth."
On Alex going after Madisson now that she’s with Brandon
"You know, I wonder if it was always the plan to do this for the end the season, so we can get a season two. Is that supposed to hook us, as an audience? That we want to see if they get back together? It's working, because I definitely want to see."
"I love that Madisson’s sister narced her out and told us that Madisson is secretly obsessed with Alex, still. We didn’t know, as an audience, that it was still like that and she’s out here talking about 'take your mind off Alex.' I love when Madisson was like, 'He was looking at me so much,' and Paige was like, 'Oh, big fucking whoop! Your cheating shady, womanizing player ex-boyfriend was looking at you while he was on a date with this other girl? I'm so surprised!' Shit!"
On Brandon and Madisson openly discussing race
"That was WHOA! I thought you were just trying to bang her and you're over here trying to have a, fuck, what are those forums that Hillary Clinton would have? The town hall? Are you having a town hall on the pier? Why are you trying to make me feel some type of way? You think someone going to have you on their talk show to discuss this?"
On Pauly Paul’s refusal to quit smoking weed
"I mean, from all the research I've seen online, allegedly marijuana is not addicting, so Pauly Paul is just choosing to be a marijuana user, and I think that's his choice, and he should move out of Florida. He’d love it in Cali, or Colorado, or Nevada, and then he can drive around with up to four ounces in his car at all time. But the marijuana might be code for something else. So, listen, for Pauly Paul we’ll say marijuana is a gateway drug. He can’t quit it, though, because that’s part of his brand identity."
On Pauly Paul not apologizing for body-shaming Chloe
"Heidi hit the nail right on the head. She’s like, 'At least offer to buy Chloe a shot.' He’s like, 'This isn't going well, let me get another shot.' I think Pauly Paul making fun of Chloe's weight is his way of being like, 'if you get skinny, you and I could be a couple.' I'm waiting for the Chloe comeback bikini body revenge, though."
On Pauly Paul’s performance
"I think he definitely has the energy. It seemed like he was a real rapper. You know? I think that chick earlier in the episode seemed very suspicious when she was talking to him. She didn’t seem like she was there to make sure he got the performance of his life. When he was quizzing her and asking questions, she didn't offer any little detail, she didn't tell him about that mic button. Yeah. It definitely felt very... who'd they set up? Mariah Carey on New Year’s Eve. It was Mariah on New Year’s all over again."
On Pauly Paul getting drunk after his performance
"I was like, 'Oh, my God, thank God they're filming this show, because this dude would have drank and drove his ass right off the Siesta Key.' I thought it was a really real moment, because it is Pauly's life, that's his biggest performance ever - on MTV? And it was a disaster! I think what I’d say to him, though, is that it’s not like he lost American Idol or The Voice."
"When he was telling Chloe that he was a terrible person? When he said 'I want to bring you down to my terrible level,' I was like…'Oh, he's not making this dialogue up.' Doesn’t he have no parents? He has Scott Disick-level problems."
On watching Pauly Paul cry
"It was hard for me to focus on his tears with all that sweat all over his face. I guess Siesta Key probably is really that hot, but I was like, damn, that's a lot of sweat bro. Don’t feel bad, Pauly Paul. Even the greats have mic issues. Look at Ashlee Simpson. What he should have done is blame somebody, right then on the stage, like Ashlee."
"Maybe his album sounds way better recorded, have we heard any of his music on Apple Music like, Brandon's? I thought Brandon was the best self promoter out here, how did he not get the big show of the season performing his music at the biggest club in Siesta Key? I think him and Pauly Paul should team up and combine their hustle together, and become the new Chainsmokers. Call themselves the Coke Snorters."
On the mystery of Alex’s house
"Can we talk about the producers finally listening to us and showing us this whole fucking mansion? They did a full crib style reveal of all the rooms. It looked like the footage you'd use if you were trying to sell your house. You know? That house is dope as fuck. I can’t believe they didn’t just film in there all season. I’m actually upset I’m not at that Fourth of July party they’re having next week."
On what’s next for Kelsey
"Kelsey's a walking metaphor for 'the grass is always greener.' I think she's realizing that Garrett was going to be the way better person for her, and that Alex doesn't care about her one bit, and she was just a notch on his belt or however this guy keeps track of all his Key girls. I hope there's a season two, so she can reinvent herself as the internationally-traveled, super-likable new girl to the Key."
On the best scene of the episode
"Chloe making Kelsey sweep sand is everything I needed on a Monday."
On loving the show
"I just can't believe how much I love this damn show, now. I feel like I should probably talk to Chloe's therapist. I need professional help."
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