Sleeping In Separate Beds Is OK, And 20 Other Things Married Folks Wish All Unmarried People Knew About Marriage
Recently, Reddit user u/New_Presentation5105 asked r/AskReddit, "Married people of Reddit, what's something you wish unmarried people knew?" Here's what they had to say, for those who are curious.
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1."Go on a road trip together. Travel together before marriage. Close quarters and tough situations will give you insights into who that other person is."
2."Be honest always! Once you break trust, you never really get it back. Even if that honesty might cause some momentary discomfort, in the long run, you’re better off because your spouse will trust you."
3."Live together for at least a year before getting married."
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4."Talk to your partner before you make decisions. I can’t even tell you how much shit I get from my single friends when I tell them I’ll 'check with my husband' before agreeing to do something, but usually it’s just to make sure we don’t have something else going on that I forgot about. It’s not asking permission, it’s being considerate of your partner."
"It’s especially true if you have kids. No, I don’t ask my husband to 'babysit,' but it would be pretty shitty for me to just say, 'Oh, hey, I’m going out tonight. Have fun with a couple of toddlers by yourself and with no notice!' And he treats me with the same respect."
5."Talk about whether you want kids or not before things get serious."
6."Finances are something you manage together. It isn’t something you cede to one spouse for whatever reason. I say this as someone who had to teach my dad how to use an ATM and the online banking site after my mom died."
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7."You marry a family. Even if your partner has mostly severed ties with their biological family and has set clear boundaries, and even if you think you love your partner’s family and they’re amazing."
"Your spouse's family is not going to do things the way you and your family do, but now you have a certain amount of responsibility for this extended family. And even when you have an amazing relationship with your partner, their family will sometimes affect your relationship. Pay attention to the family you are marrying into."
8."Know that whatever the darkest part of your life you’ve previously experienced was, you're probably going to go through something equally dark, but with your partner. Having someone who will support you rather than leave you in that moment is pivotal."
9."It’s your relationship. It’s something that belongs to you two. No one else."
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10."It's totally okay to sleep in separate beds or even separate rooms if that's what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleep."
11."Adult up. Both partners need to take in the mental load of managing the house."
12."Getting married doesn't mean you're never going to feel lonely again."
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13."Being married 20 years, I'm guilty of it sometimes too, but being in a long-term relationship like that just makes you an expert on your own relationship. Not on relationships in general."
"We can sometimes forget that just because it works well in our own life doesn't necessarily mean it will work for others. When you're a young couple, dozens of older couples are going to tell you what works for them. The best thing to do is understand that it's coming from a place of caring, and some of it will be good advice, but you've got to just find what works for you."
14."The 'dating phase' of your life never ends, if you're doing it right."
15."Have things you enjoy doing with your spouse that don't involve sex. The most stable marriages are ones where you and your spouse could be friends if you weren't married. Goes for dating, too, IMO."
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16."Love is a choice, not a feeling."
17."I would urge people to consider a low-key wedding. My wife and I eloped, and as far as I can tell, all we missed out on was months of stressful planning, spending an obscene amount of money, and the existential nightmare of having to stand up in front of everyone you know and tell your partner how you feel about them. It was intimate, precious, and the best day of my life, and we didn’t even have to bankrupt our parents for it."
18."Once the butterflies go away, it's your job to create butterfly moments."
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19."Focus on your marriage and not just on the wedding."
20."Decide whether a fight is worth having. If it doesn't matter tomorrow, does it really matter today?"
21.And lastly, this: "Getting married will NOT help solve any issues in your relationship."
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What do you think is the most valuable marriage advice? Let us know in the comments below!
H/T: r/AskReddit.
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