The reason you can’t find the clothes you want when you search online
Once upon a time, if you needed a new blue shirt, you’d go to your favourite retailer and buy one – a straightforward act made all the easier by the ability to grab two sizes and try them on in a changing room. But along came online shopping, and with it, a phalanx of confusion. For while your favourite retailer will have ensured there are copious photographs of your blue shirt, crisply lit and painstakingly shot from the front, the back and up close so that you can see all the details, it matters not a whit. To see the pictures, you first have to navigate the search engine – and that has a mind of its own.
Typing ‘new blue shirt’ into the search box isn’t going to cut it. Or even find it. For the internet rewards an exacting degree of specificity. What shade of blue? Light? Dark? Sky? Mid? Is “mid” a shade? It is now. But is it a shirt you need, or more of a blouse? And what’s the difference? You’ve never really thought about it. Nor do you particularly wish to. You simply want a blue shirt – only its purchase is proving to be anything but simple.
As any dedicated online shopper knows, some garments are more difficult to find than others. Take jeans. There are many styles of jeans, of course, but equally, there are many varying terminologies within each style. This season’s divisive horseshoe jean, for example, also goes by the descriptor ‘barrel leg’. Matters become even more confusing when extra adjectives are thrown into the mix. How relaxed is ‘relaxed’? How cropped is ‘cropped’? Since clothes are always photographed on models – minimum height, 5ft 7in – a substantially shorter person is likely to find said cropped jeans skimming the floor.
Skirts are another tricky item, especially those in longer lengths. While a mini is self-explanatory, you’d need more than a PhD in fashion to understand the difference between a midi, a maxi and a midaxi. The fashion industry’s penchant for making up new words, or forming hybrids out of existing ones, isn’t always helpful. While most fashion lovers are familiar with terms such as ‘jegging’, ‘shacket’ and ‘coatigan’, they wouldn’t always think to search for them – and if they did, it’s unclear what they would find.
But the most vexatious searches surely pertain to colour. While retailers thankfully know better now than to use descriptors such as ‘nude’ or ‘flesh’ (in the early 2000s, these would always throw up peachy-coloured hues, as though everyone in the world was Caucasian), neutral tones continue to be a minefield. Nothing is beige any more: it’s always taupe, oatmeal, sand, buff, ecru or oyster. Even brown has been fancified into brick, latte, chestnut, chocolate or bay. You are only trying to buy a winter coat – not a horse.
If the search process is opaque and time-consuming for the customer, its labour intensiveness is of little benefit to the retailer. How many of us have given up trying to find an item because we’ve run out of patience or time? For customers and retailers alike, the goal isn’t a fruitless search, but a completed purchase. “Several teams, including experienced copywriters and sub-editors, work collaboratively with the design team to ensure all product descriptions are customer-friendly, easy to understand and consistent across all collections,” says a spokesman for M&S, when asked about the rationale behind its search terms. They added that reliability and relevance were a particular focus – which likely explains why the retailer has more straightforward, understandable descriptors than most.
Alas, the same can’t be said for everyone. Here’s a list of search terms that should be consigned to fashion purgatory in 2024.
Borg
When I first encountered this word, I had to google it. “Borg is an acronym for ‘blackout rage gallon’”, quoth the internet, explaining that it was a potent mix of alcohol, popular at student parties. In fashion terms, borg is an artificial fabric akin to sheepskin. Basically, it’s fleece. Can we not still call it that?
Roll neck
What’s wrong with polo neck?
Rolled edge
Nobody ever searched – or arguably even wanted – a garment with a rolled edge. Namely because they don’t know what it is.
Flowy
This descriptor seems to exist solely on the Zara website, and tends to be applied to blouses and trousers. What does it mean? Loose? Flared? I’ve no idea.
Longline
Doesn’t this entirely depend on your height?
Comfy
Comfort is subjective, and that waistband doesn’t look very comfortable to me.
Relaxed fit
Ditto the relaxed fit. It’s all relative to the wearer.
Shift dress
Unless it’s the spitting image of the one Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, please use a different descriptor.
Tea dress
Currently applied to every dress in the world that comes in a floral print, regardless of the silhouette. Not helpful.
Textured
Can this really be a helpful term? Isn’t everything textured? I realise the retailer means shaggy/not smooth, but it’s still confusing.
Mum/dad/boyfriend jeans
Does anyone actually know the difference? Could anyone pick these out in a line-up? Exactly.
Co-ord
It’s a suit, or a matching set, but in recent years it’s been cooler to call it a co-ord. All well and good, unless you’re on one of the websites that only lets you view half of the pairing, because the trousers have already sold out.
