Applying for a private school is stressful. Here's what parents need to know

Most parents across the country send their children to their local public school. But some prefer private schools, and that often comes with the stress of getting into the "right" preschool or grade school.

Travel blogger Marquita Wright recently went through the process for her 5-year-old twins, one of whom had a stroke last year and has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) to make sure his needs are met. Her family decided they wanted to send their son to an art-based school. "We discovered he learns best through dramatic play and art, not the typical liberal arts style." she tells Yahoo Life.

"It was stressful," Wright says of the application process. "In addition to the application requirements, I had to provide supporting documentation [for his health]. Although he’s been cleared by his doctor, additional information was requested. All in all, I had more than a handful of conversations with the admissions director and teaching staff." Wright says she also thinks the process still would have been stressful without the need to provide medical information.

Wright says she and her family had to provide "an in-depth amount of information, including a 'play date,' parent interview and follow-up discussion, along with documents from his previous schools." Wright's son was accepted to the school of their choice for kindergarten, while his twin goes to a private Catholic school.

Christine Valenti tells Yahoo Life that her children went to a private school in San Francisco before her family moved to the East Coast. Valenti says the move was a "tough adjustment," noting that her kids started public school after they relocated. Her son has been waitlisted for a private school for fourth grade.

"I did what was required with the application, but didn’t feel much pressure to go above and beyond with the application because we’d had such an easy time with their prior applications," she says. "We did an online application for my son, which required multiple referrals and making him do essays, which was a little like pulling teeth for a fourth grader. We also took a tour and they conducted interviews with us and with him."

Valenti says she left it up to her son to write the essays and "didn't give input on things like his favorite book." While she says she's disappointed that her son is waitlisted, her family has taken a fairly laidback attitude about the process. "We are fortunate that this is an option for our kids but, to be honest, my husband and I went to relatively crappy public schools in middle and high school and turned out OK," she says.

Both parents say they're surprised at how much work was involve in the application process. What does it take to apply for a private school and how can parents navigate the stress involved in it? Here's the deal.

What is the private school application process like?

Each private school has its own unique process — even in the same city, Whitney Shashou, CEO and founder of Admit New York, tells Yahoo Life. "It's quite complex," she says. "It's a multi-step process and involves everything from submitting basic applications for interviews for both students and parents, to drafting and submitting parent essays, writing samples, activity surveys, teacher interviews and admissions testing."

Parent statements, which involve questions about who their family is, who the child is, what educational environment best suits the child and their extracurricular passions and interests, are also important, Shashou says.

The process involves "a lot of information-collecting" for parents, as well as keeping track of when things are due. "Families can tour schools when they interview and they can also go to an open house," she says. "But they do need to submit an application for a tour."

Rachel Blankstein, co-founder of Spark Admissions, tells Yahoo Life that it's important for parents to be aware that every interaction they have with the school is part of the interview process. "Parents who are kind, polite and respectful in the process will be favored," she says.

Blankstein adds that "interview preparation, test preparation and writing strong essays are all extremely important."

What are schools looking for?

In general, "the most important thing that private schools will care about is whether the student fits the academic and social environment that the school is trying to cultivate," Blankstein says.

In preschoolers and young children, schools mostly look at a child's behavior and their ability to interact in an age-appropriate way with other kids, Blankstein says. "Do they share? Can they ask questions politely to teachers and peers? Also, schools will want to see that the child shows age-appropriate intellect through their conversational skills and knowledge of basic concepts," she says.

Blankstein says that schools are "very much evaluating the parents," too. "Are the parents people who will contribute positively to the school community? Are the parents displaying appropriate levels of maturity and do they have reasonable expectations of the school? Schools don’t want parents that are too demanding or unrealistic about what the school can provide," she says.

Shashou says the "family fit" is important. "The family needs to understand the school's philosophy and their program, and that they are in line with the value system of that school," she says. Shashou notes that it's also important that the school has the resources to adequately support the child's needs.

How can parents navigate the process without stressing out?

Experts don't try to downplay how tough this process can be. "There is no question that applying to private school is an extremely stressful process for most parents," Blankstein says. "Parents wrap their hopes and dreams for their children into this process."

Shashou says that staying organized can help relieve some of the stress. "Having some sort of system, whether it's a spreadsheet or Google Doc, where they can keep track of user names and passwords, interview dates, essay prompts and testing dates is important," she says.

It's also important for parents to understand that this is only one moment in their child's life and that there's not one particular school that will make their child happy or successful, Blankstein says. Shashou agrees. "The biggest key to success in this process is remaining open-minded," she says. "A lot of parents are very laser-focused on one school or a certain group of schools that they're most enthusiastic about. But the goal is to find the school that's best suited for their child."

"Families that remain focused on fit above all else end up with the best results," Shashou adds.

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