People Are Sharing Unexpected Green Flags In Relationships, And Some Of These Are Very Surprising
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us which relationship red flags they think are actually green flags. Here are the surprising results.
1."Being up-front about what they want within the first couple of dates, if not the first. It’s historically been a no-go saying if you want kids and marriage early on."
"Especially as you get older, it can feel like a waste of time dating someone who isn’t sure if they want kids and you definitely do. Waiting for them to decide is unfair to both parties. My boyfriend and I agreed on our first date about the families we both want. Hopefully mine will be with him, but regardless, we both know where we stand on the subject."
2."Not introducing your S.O. to your family until you are ready."
"I feel like so many people put pressure on the idea that if you don’t meet each other’s family, it’s a red flag. But I think you should be in a long enough relationship before you jump to that. Plus, isn’t it just about you getting to know your S.O.? Not all family life is healthy, so getting it involved right away could have less benefits."
3."Arguing. It's healthy! There's no way you can live with someone for 20 years and not."
"You have to be able to argue about something trivial, get it off your chest, and shake it off. It took years to understand the difference between being truly angry and just ranting or being mildly annoyed at someone who always happens to be there. If you can argue with your partner and then laugh at something 10 minutes later, you're going to be fine."
4."Sleeping in separate rooms."
"My friend has a terrible, loud snore, and he's tried everything but just can't get rid of it. His wife is an extremely light sleeper. When they traveled together and slept in the same room, she couldn't sleep a wink. After they got married, they agreed to sleep in separate rooms, and their relationship and intimacy hasn't worsened or changed."
"I also advocate for sleeping apart. My partner and I sleep in the same bed a fair amount, but quite often, he'll take the guest room. Honestly, we both get a better night's sleep when he does since we both snore. It's nice to get some space at night without having to be angry at each other first."
5."Not being close with their parents/disowning their family."
"A lot of times, it’s because their fam is toxic AF. Blood does not equal family. You do NOT have to have a relationship with them if they add no value or positivity to your life."
6."Criticizing one another — not in a rude or nitpicky way."
"For a long time, I thought I wanted my partner to be a 'yes man' and just blindly support everything I do and say. But I've learned so much about myself having a partner who tells me when I'm doing something careless, etc. I don't want someone to enable my worst habits and personality traits. I want someone who makes me take a step back and be introspective about what I'm doing and how I'm acting. Also worth mentioning he has never told me, 'No, you can't do that,' or any other controlling sentiments. Just offers an honest perspective."
7."Being able to disagree about something — without it turning into a fight."
"You don’t always have to agree, but you can still accept the other person’s point of view even if it’s different than your own."
8."Giving respect to your partner by telling them where you are — not in a clingy way. The partner can do what they want. I like to know just in case."
"A quick 'running to CVS' text message or a 'going to the movies with blank and then this bar' I believe is considerate to your partner."
9."Enjoying moments of silence and getting bored together."
"Every day in a relationship doesn't need to be a rom-com."
10."Openly discussing your feelings. Some people avoid talking about how they feel (and why they feel like that), thinking they can simply brush it off."
"The resentment from avoiding talking about it will come out eventually in different, more complicated ways. Having a partner who’s willing to discuss their feelings, fears, anxiety, etc. was SO drastically different and better for my own mental health than dating emotionally stunted people. Also, a partner who goes to therapy and isn’t ashamed of talking about it. Therapy isn’t a red flag, people; it means they are willing to admit and work on their sh*t. It’s a huge green flag."
11."Going to bed angry."
"Trying to work things out while tired and cranky when you have to work in the morning makes things worse than just going to bed angry and figuring it out at a later time."
12."Having more than a few former partners."
"It means you’ve made mistakes and learned from them (hopefully). If you’ve 'been around the block,' I trust we won’t be playing games or dealing with immaturity."
13."Seeing that he has a woman as a best friend!"
"I know it sounds like a red flag, but for me, it shows that he can be friends with people without wanting to sleep with them, and that he sees women as real people — not just potentials."
14."Being able to tell them you are frustrated — at a situation and not at them."
"Sometimes, when someone is upset, they say things that come off the wrong way, and it's reassuring to hear that it's not anything that you did. Then, you can better help them work through frustration."
15."Keeping finances separate."
"Just have a communal fund for necessities like food and shelter. Have your own accounts, and buy things for yourself without having to ask permission from the other or feeling guilty about your purchase."
16."Having long-standing friendships outside the relationship."
"This is extremely important to make sure your significant other isn't COMPLETELY leaning on you for companionship and making you the center of their social life. It isn't a fair burden on you to provide them with all sorts of company, nor is it healthy for them to not be able to form relationships outside of the one they have with you."
17."Being protective."
"I don't mean your partner should throw a punch if someone breathes in your general direction, but it's nice to know you have someone in your corner."
18.And finally: "Having a healthy balance of spending time without each other."
"Just because you're with your partner doesn't mean you have to do everything together to the point that you morph into one person. I feel that's unhealthy in a relationship."
What do you think of these? What are some other unexpected relationship green flags? Let us know in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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