People Are Sharing The "Smallest Hills They'll Die On" And I Cannot Stop Laughing
This week in a viral thread, redditor u/FunWithAPorpoise asked, "What's the smallest hill you'll die on?" and, Y'ALL, people came through with some absolutely A+ answers.
Bravo
So, with that in mind, here are the smallest, most specific hills that people are 100%, without a doubt, willing to die upon:
1."All taxes should be included in the price of the item, no exceptions."
2."Tall burgers completely nullify all the benefits of burgers, and are an abomination unto cuisine."
"A good burger is the perfect portable food. It should be edible using only your hands and mouth — without cutlery — and without making too much mess. You should also be able to sample every layer of ingredient in one bite, without dislocating your jaw."
3."The parents from The Parent Trap are WAAAY worse than the parents from Home Alone."
4."The words 'everyday' and 'every day' are different, and are not interchangeable."
"For example: 'An everyday walk in the park.' vs. 'I walk in the park every day.'"
5."The original Jaws must not ever be re-made, or retconned, or re-imagined, or re-anything. Ever."
6."Macaroons are not macarons. One has coconut, and one is a sandwich cookie."
7."You should always squeeze the air out of a Ziploc bag before you put it in the fridge or freezer."
"I don't understand why my wife still doesn't do this, and one of these days, I'll have a decision to make."
8."In the 'Han Shot First' argument: Greedo never even shot his blaster in the original theatrical release of Star Wars. Han wasted that sucker before he even had the chance to pull the trigger. The argument is moot."
9."Returning a shopping cart is not that hard. It's the least you can do when utilizing a service."
10."Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip are not interchangeable. They are drastically different."
11."There is no need for people to say '7 a.m. in the morning.' The use of 'a.m.' already let's us know it's the morning!"
12."Frozen isn’t a Christmas — or even a winter-time — movie."
"It's literally set in the summer, and a big part of the plot was that everyone was unprepared for the sudden summer freeze. I will die on this hill."
13."The word 'niche' is pronounced 'neesh,' not 'nitch.'"
"I’m fine with pretty much all Americanisms, but this one just feels like the auditory equivalent of stubbing one’s toe."
14."If you (person A) pulls open a door and someone (person B) is wanting to come through from the other side at the same time, HOLD THE DOOR AND LET THEM THROUGH FIRST. Similarly, if you are person B in this situation, don't dilly-dally, WALK THROUGH."
"Because the alternative is person A awkwardly trying to pass through whilst struggling to maintain holding the door open, leaving person B waiting awkwardly for them to finish. This happens a lot at my office in the corridors, and it does my head in."
15."Speaker phone is not meant for using in public."
16."When putting cheese or salami onto a Ritz cracker, you put it on the non-salted side, so that you can taste the salted side on your tongue when you bite down on it."
"My wife feels the opposite, and we've been arguing about this for 15 years."
17."There's zero reason for there to be two Dakotas. Just fucking merge North Dakota and South Dakota into one big Dakota."
18."You should always use your signals when turning or changing lanes. If you don't, you're lazy and the worst."
"Communicate what you plan to do with your screaming metal death trap before you are in the process of doing it!"
19."Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for people who like sports."
20."The Oxford comma is NOT OPTIONAL."
21."You should always put your plates in the freezer for a bit before you serve your salads on them."
"You’ll never go back."
22."If it doesn't have shelves, drawers, and/or any storage space — it's a table, not a desk."
23."Nobody should be telling other people how to eat their food. Ketchup on hot dogs, pineapple on pizzas, well-done steaks, mustard on pumpkin pie — I don't give a fuck."
"Leave people alone and let them eat what they like."
24."You should never burn candles or spray room sprays in a public or shared area."
"Some people are legitimately allergic to certain scents, and we shouldn’t have to have a migraine all day just because you wanted the office to smell like pumpkin spice."
25.And finally: "Anything with glitter on it can fuck right off."
Well, you've read theirs — but what are yours? What's the "smallest hill" you're 100% willing to die on? Do you agree with any of these? Share all of your thoughts in the comments below!
Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. H/T: Reddit.
