People Are Sharing How To Self-Identify Your Own Red Flags, And It's Actually Eye-Opening And Kinda Genius

On Friday, Reddit user u/saddumbpotato asked, "How does one recognize their own red flags?" It's something that's not always discussed, and I found the examples/methods super interesting.

Here's what they said:

1."Ask yourself, 'Is it something I can tolerate if done to me?' It's a good starting metric. Then grow and think of what others within reason would consider."

—AdNorth9228

2."By doing mental/emotional counseling. Think about it. We get physical evaluations to ensure we don’t have any physical red flags. We should also be getting mental/emotional evaluations to ensure we don’t have any personal red flags."

—u/Marimbagirl2020

3."When people say things like, 'When I first met you I thought...'"

—u/deqb

4."When people leave your life or cut you off and you think it's just them. Sure, maybe after the first couple times, but if you can never hold onto friendships and people are constantly leaving your life, it might be something that you're doing wrong."

—u/daqauriousdingleden

5."Look at the red flags in your parents. There's a good chance you got them, too."

—u/thatwasmyfootasshole

6."Just be aware and be real with yourself. Think about some red flags and ask yourself if maybe you do the same thing. For example, I find myself being stubborn and always wanting to be right. Now, I catch myself and try to end a fight that probably won’t end up mattering."

—u/coolbeansgal

7."If I'm being entirely honest, I think most of the time people don't realize their own red flags until the consequences of their actions affect themselves or someone they love and care for."

—u/muddywuddy

8."Observe how others act around you. Observe how others treat you. I didn't acknowledge my red flags until I started to realize how others treated me — and how it was typically based off of my behavior and actions."

—u/whycantyoustay

9."If everyone is avoiding eye contact with you, you might be doing something that makes them uncomfortable or nervous."

—Anonymous

10."Write stuff down and try to be as totally objective as possible. In the future when you reflect on your writing, you will hopefully be able to see your patterns and habits and decide what you want to work on."

—u/SnooBananas8065

11."If you're getting the same reaction from everyone you meet, it's not them, it's you."

—u/lessmiserables

12."Sometimes, it might be by watching something funny on TV where there is a trope and I realize I do the thing they are mocking. Or, I'm reading something online where people might say why they don't like a certain character on TV because of their behavior. Obviously, this isn't scientific or anything but sometimes it just makes me check myself or review past behavior."

—u/niamhweking

13."I have noticed that the people often surrounded by drama are causing it partly themselves — and sometimes unconsciously. If you notice you always end friendships in big conflicts, burn bridges, and only recollect bad memories from everyone in your past, then it's probable that you have some things you should work through with a therapist. It doesn't have to be any severe personality disorder. It might also be an unhealthy coping mechanism you learned through trauma. Go to therapy if you have the possibility, and discuss your issues when you feel they are affecting your life in any way. You can only get better."

14."Record your conversations to see how much you talk compared to the other person, and see if it's really a conversation or if it's really just a monologue."

—

15."Ask someone you trust and will believe to point them out for you."

—u/Own-Mountain-8725

And lastly:

16."Actually LISTEN when people tell you about your red flags."

—u/berael