How to overcome ‘downsizers’ block’ – and make the right property move
Downsizing is the most unique and psychologically difficult house move you’ll make. Whether it’s the upset of moving from your family home or being unwilling to settle for a smaller property, many older homeowners end up putting it off – sometimes forever – suffering from what is nicknamed “downsizers’ block”.
“Downsizers’ block represents a negative emotional response that we might have to the idea of downsizing,” says Georgina Sturmer, a member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy. “It can lead us to present all kinds of practical reasons why downsizing isn’t an option: the stress, the expense, the difficulty of decluttering, the challenge of finding somewhere that ticks all our boxes.”
Research by Zoopla found that one in four homeowners over the age of 65 believe they are living in a home that is “larger than they need”. Separate data shows 71pc of over-65s live in homes with three bedrooms or more, despite 88pc living alone or just with a partner. This means nearly nine in 10 (87pc) have at least one spare bedroom: there are 10 million spare bedrooms owned by over-65s across the country.
This doesn’t make economic sense; on average, those who own a home that’s too big spend an extra ￡91 each month, and 12.6 additional hours maintaining it.
Even if you need to pay stamp duty, downsizing is often a financially savvy move but the reasons people hold off are extremely nuanced. “By default, humans are creatures of habit, which means they often don’t like change or find change difficult. When we don’t like change, our subconscious brain will find reasons not to go ahead with it,” says Kamalyn Kaur, a psychotherapist.
Common reasons for not downsizing tend to include moving being too stressful, not liking smaller properties as much as you like your current home and having too many belongings. These are all valid issues that will take some time to figure out, but they can sometimes be masking other more subtle psychological reasons that don’t always have a practical basis. Getting over these issues is vital to making the best downsizing decision for your finances and future comfort.
What’s putting people off downsizing?
The problem: Ageing
Inevitably, downsizing is linked to the idea of getting older as it often becomes a consideration once children have left home, and when the effort of cleaning and maintaining a larger property and garden starts to become more difficult.
“[Downsizing] involves the acceptance of ageing, the reality of doing something you haven’t done for maybe over 30 years and perhaps doing it alone for the first time,” says Susan Gregory, founder of Turners Oak, an estate agent specialising in older movers.
“We have a real problem with how we view ageing and even dying in the UK, which impacts how we then choose to live in our later years. If we don’t have a positive relationship with ageing, then we aren’t going to have a positive relationship with downsizing.”
The solution:
There’s little you can do about getting older but, considering the alternative, it’s also something to be grateful for. A more hopeful approach could be to focus on what you want the future to look like.
“Focus on all the benefits of downsizing – less maintenance, less housework, less financial stress, more safety and security – particularly if you are living alone in a big house,” says Ms Kaur.
If the thought of moving itself is what’s overwhelming, don’t be afraid to ask for help. “Write down all the things you are worried about and seek advice and support, whether from professionals or family,” says Ms Gregory. “You may be surprised how many people are willing to help if they know what you need.”
The problem: Embarrassment
“We have a complex relationship with our homes,” says Ms Sturmer. “They are part of who we are: our memories, our social status, our self-esteem, our place in life. And so the idea of downsizing can feel like a threat to all of these aspects of our life.”
Downsizing isn’t just about the practicalities of moving home – it involves leaving behind who we were and have become and moving to a new, unknown reality.
Unlike other moves we make in our lives, downsizing is rarely seen as aspirational. “Depending on our circumstances, downsizing can be linked with a sense of embarrassment. The need to downsize sometimes comes due to financial constraints, or the end of a relationship,” adds Ms Sturmer.
Ms Kaur agrees: “You may worry that by downsizing you are coming across as someone who is no longer financially successful.”
The solution:
Having the option to downsize and free up equity from a larger property can bring a great deal of freedom to your later years, so you might need some help reframing the situation.
“If we are feeling embarrassed about downsizing, then it might be that we are worried about what other people will think,” says Ms Sturmer. “If that’s the case, then it’s worth challenging this sense of embarrassment. Exploring our worries and considering who we are trying to please or impress.”
Given the act of downsizing can unlock equity, it could give you a chance to live a more comfortable life, be it helping out your family financially, being able to spend a bit more day to day, or ticking off experiences on your bucket list.
The problem: Guilt
There are commonly feelings of guilt associated with downsizing because it’s often not just your home that you’re selling, but that of your family. “If we are downsizing from our family home, we might feel guilty about how our children, or other family members, might feel about the process,” says Ms Sturmer.
There may also be financial issues to consider. “There can be family dynamics at play, as well as future financial planning and inheritance tax considerations,” says Ms Gregory. “It’s a move that can have a far-reaching impact, and not just for the homeowner, so there are often concerns about ‘making the wrong decision’ or displeasing people.”
The solution:
Keeping your family involved in your decision to downsize should help to reduce any feelings of upset for them, and guilt for you. You can take steps to make sure the family home isn’t forgotten.
“Create memory books compiling photographs, stories, and memories of the family home into a book or digital format that can be shared with all family members,” suggests Ms Kaur. She adds that you might also host a farewell gathering to allow everyone to say goodbye and share their emotions before leaving.
Regarding the financial issues, this could also provide a time to have an open discussion with your family. As already discussed, downsizing can stir up emotions around ageing and coming to the end of a life, but it’s not all negative.
Depending on your circumstances, moving to free up equity could offer a chance for you to give money to your loved ones while you’re still around, see them benefit and even reduce the inheritance tax costs when you’re gone if the gifts fall outside of the seven-year rule.
Finally, there’s a chance it is not actually guilt you’re feeling at all – but grief. “Guilt is an emotion that is often related to loss and grief,” says Ms Kaur. “Just because you are feeling guilty, it doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong or making a mistake – the guilt could be you grieving the loss of the house.”
The problem: Christmas
Perhaps surprisingly, Christmas often has an important part to play when it comes to the psychology of this move. Zoopla’s research found that 27pc of those living in a home that’s larger than they really need were concerned they wouldn’t be able to host Christmas if they downsized – even though only a third of those hosted Christmas every year.
“What does not hosting Christmas actually mean? It means no longer fulfilling their role as head of the family and that’s the part that can be difficult to accept,” says Ms Gregory.
“Christmas is one day of the year,” adds Ms Kaur. “You need to think about the impact that living in your current property is going to have on you for the remaining 364 days. Is it really worth it?”
The solution:
First, make a list of the things you enjoy about hosting Christmas and whether these things can still be done if you were to go to someone else’s home instead. “See if you can still incorporate some of the things you enjoy, such as a certain tradition or being responsible for the pudding,” says Ms Gregory.
Alternatively, Ms Kaur says there are ways to remain the “host” without staying in your original property: “If you are worried about hosting, you can always hire a home, cottage, or bigger space to host.”
