An Ode to Jason Momoa's Workout Videos
Jason Momoa, also known as Khal Drogo and Aquaman, has a new show premiering on Netflix this week. It’s called Frontier, and it’s about fur traders who live in the forest and fight about who gets to kill which beavers or something. I don’t know, because every time I see Jason Momoa’s face I turn into the egg from the “this is your brain on drugs” commercial, only less coherent. It doesn’t matter if he’s scowling in a fur the size of a small house and screaming about badger pelts, or standing still on a red carpet in a crazy hat and leather vest, because I know what bountiful gifts Jason Momoa has to offer the world. Those gifts are his workout videos.
These videos began appearing in March 2016, when Jason was preparing for his role as Aquaman in the upcoming Justice League movie, but I know I speak for many when I say that I have returned to them time and time again. Prior to seeing these masterpieces, I was not aware I even liked men with muscles this big who weren’t part of the Magic Mike cast. (Why has Jason Momoa never been asked to be a part of the Magic Mike cast?) But look at this one:
It’s perverse. It’s not technically NSFW, but it feels like it should be. You couldn’t watch this in front of your mom without feeling weird about it. You couldn’t tell your boyfriend about watching this unless you felt comfortable with making him sad his biceps aren’t the size of your head.
Jason Momoa is obviously not the first jacked famous man to post videos of himself working out - the Rock’s Instagram is basically one long feed of gym selfies - but it does stand out for several reasons. First, there’s his attire, which is truly singular among famous gym-going men. He doesn’t wear a shirt, which makes sense, because why would you cover that real estate if it looked like that, but he does wear really bizarre pants. They’re real pants, not workout pants, kind of like cargo pants without the pockets. If you saw a dude wearing these pants in your local gym, you would immediately run in the other direction to avoid the small talk that you know he would try to make. You would also question his reluctance to purchase at least one set of real gym clothing, which seems feasible given his ability to pay for the gym membership.
Jason knows that his workout look is ridiculous but doesn’t care. “I go train and, like with Conan, I’m in leather, and with Drogo I’m in leather or armor or something else,” he told Ask Men. “I’m not in my Adidas sweatsuit or my matching tracksuit pants to go workout. I’ve got too busy of a day for that.” Mmm, leather.
Then there’s the grunting. Once again, I had never considered workout grunts as a source of attraction, because every man I’ve known who’s grunted during a workout was doing it so they seemed more badass than they actually are. You know that’s not what’s happening with Jason Momoa though. This dude puts 88 pounds - basically the equivalent of a very small teenager - around his waist and does pull-ups like it’s no big deal to lift up your whole body while also carrying another body. He crawls across the floor with weights in his hand like it’s a perfectly normal way to crawl across the floor. He sets the weight machine to the highest setting and says nothing, just lets Jimi Hendrix blast in the background. Lou Ferrigno, the bodybuilder who played the Hulk in the ’70s has this to say about Jason’s workout: “It’s like a caveman kind of workout.”
And finally, there are the muscles. There’s not much to say about them besides “look at them, please, look at them,” but in a world full of sprayed-on abs and noodle arms that can barely open a pickle jar, the muscles are truly special. They can make you care about Aquaman even though you know the world doesn’t really need another superhero movie. They can make you want Khal Drogo to come back to Game of Thrones even though you know Daenerys is better off without a man. They can make you Google things like “what is a pec fly” and “how do I get my boyfriend to do them.” If they could be bottled and sold as a drug, they'd be more addictive than caffeine and heroin combined. They are perfect.
So sure, watch Frontier this weekend. But while you’re at it, maybe also petition Netflix to give Jason Momoa his own fitness show. The people need this.
Follow Eliza on Twitter.
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