How moving to a farm cured my anxiety
One morning last week I stepped away from my laptop. Instead of making tea and wading straight back in as I used to, I went into the garden. There, I chatted to my rescue gosling as it followed me around, and when I headed back to work at the kitchen table, the wildlife came with me, a quiet cheeping coming from the sick chick in my dungaree pocket.
My family moved to a two-acre smallholding in Kent 18 months ago, and our life here is helping me recover from anxiety and depression. Thanks to the 30 animals and hundreds of plants that rely on my care, I am forced outside regularly. Surrounded by the changing seasons, with life and death everywhere, my perspective returns and worries retreat.
Before our move, life was very different. We lived in a semi-detached house with a small garden in Ramsgate. I was increasingly snappy and stressed by the demands of motherhood and my career as a journalist, author and CEO of a human rights charity. Then we went on holiday to the idyllic Welsh retreat, Fforest, where I was shocked by how clear-headed I was in its open spaces. My husband and two children fell equally in love with the pace of life and simplicity, and we decided to make a permanent move to the country.
Despite raised eyebrows from friends, we arrived at our very own rural escape six months later. The flexibility of my work, and my husband’s job as a film-maker, made it possible and though our children were unsettled by the change, they love being able to run around and climb trees.
Our land and creatures have given me much more than they have taken
But moving here was no magic panacea. Several months in, I was still unaware that the amount of worry and anxiety I was feeling was abnormal; instead of freeing up time to enjoy the outdoors, I let other responsibilities overwhelm me. My light-bulb moment came six months after moving, when a good friend asked me if I might be unwell. I’d just told her that I woke panicked every morning and was so distracted by stress that I couldn’t enjoy anything – let alone my new home.
I was stunned by her question. I hadn’t realised that the buzz I got from deadlines had spun out of control, but she was right. On my worst days, even simple decisions like what to make for dinner left me in tears. My new GP diagnosed me with depression and anxiety – leaving me both frightened and motivated to change.
With hindsight I see that becoming a mother, at 27, had made me forget to look after myself; while managing career ambitions, a relationship and a social life had cut me off from the things that help me feel calm and connected.
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I believe now that our move was partly prompted by my subconscious desire for balance. And once the GP had convinced me to take a break from work and start therapy, I was able to prioritise my family, my animals and my mental health. I began to recover, helped by the nature on my doorstep.
Research backs this up: spending time with animals has numerous mental health benefits, and simply going outside combats stress. But it’s not always easy. In February this year I was snowed in, juggling work and kids, while trying to keep the animals supplied with water rather than ice. And there have been many mornings when I wished I didn’t have to get out of bed to open the doors of the coops.
But our land and creatures have given me much more than they have taken. My body is stronger and my mind is getting there. Today, if stress threatens to overwhelm me, I’ll drag myself to our field where the first sunflowers are out, and our neighbour’s lambs play. It has given me a new way of coping that has transformed my life.
‘Your No Guilt Pregnancy Plan: A Revolutionary Guide to Pregnancy Birth and the Weeks That Follow’ by Rebecca Schiller is published by Penguin Life
More from #One Day 11/07/2018