Mon dieu! The pompous French crave our fast food — shocked Americans say they’re très stupide

Do you want le fries with that?

France, the oui-oui nation with a notorious reputation for poo-poo-ing American culture has a dirty, delicious little secret — one that sometimes catches tourists by surprise.

The land of boeuf bourguignon harbors a burning love for two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun, along with the rest of the McDonald’s menu — France is now home to more outlets of the Golden Arches than anywhere in Europe.

“An appetite for the American way of life has built in France, a big appetite,” Xavier Expilly, president and founder of French consulting firm EXPM, told CNBC.

Expilly’s company oversaw Popeyes’ French debut in 2023, with a familiar menu of chicken dinners, sandwiches and tenders. The brand hopes to open 300 restaurants in the country by 2030, according to Forbes.

Why on earth are the French, who eat better than almost anybody else in the Western world, so obsessed with American drive-thru cuisine? Does the South of France actually need a little south in its mouth?

Yes, according to Expilly. As much as France might like to stereotype American fast food culture, they’re suckers for branding, like any other consumer — even if its driving their tastebuds to merde.

The McDonald’s Big Mac, Burger King’s Whopper, and Popeyes chicken sandwiches are “iconic products that anchor the brand in customers’ minds,” according to Expilly.

“When you explain that [culture] with a good story, with an iconic burger, you succeed,” he said.

Having had the biggest head start, McDonald’s, which debuted in France in the 1970s, currently dominates the French market, with over 1,500 stores.

That hasn’t stopped plenty of other homegrown brands from hopping the pond — and staying there.

Burger King currently has 520 locations in France, while KFC celebrated its 300th location in the country in 2022.

Starbucks, which naysayers said would never work in cafe-loving France, reported 238 stores of last year, while bougie burger chain Five Guys clocked 27 locations.

Even Chipotle has entered the fray, with five locations scattered across Paris and one in Lyon.

“These concepts kind of set their sights internationally to say, ‘Okay, it’s a very tough race in the United States; where internationally can we find success?’” Andrew Charles, a senior restaurant analyst at TD Cowen, told CNBC.

“They saw that as a ripe opportunity for growth, really sparking off the rush into France for a lot of these burger and other quick service concepts,” Charles said.

Ironically, the biggest critics of the seemingly irreversible shift tend to be American travelers, whose can often be seen registering their confusion — and expressing their disapproval — on social media sites like Instagram and TikTok.

“We need to shut down France while we find out what is going on,” one upset visitor recently posted on X.

Another, evoking the old R.E.M. lyrics, called the ongoing shift “The end of the world as we know it and I don’t feel fine.”

Others, however, are enjoying the idea of giving France a taste of the states — in lieu of escargot.

“‘Merica, they’re lovin’ it,” wrote one patriot.