Why I talk to my kids about my period
My daughter was 2 and a half the first time she followed me into the bathroom when I was menstruating. It was my first postpartum period after having her younger brother, and she startled at the unexpected sight of blood when I emptied my menstrual cup. I remember reassuring her, telling her that it was OK and explaining to her what a period was and why the blood meant my body was healthy and not making a baby right now. That was her first impromptu lesson about menstruation, and since that day, we’ve had many similar conversations.
As soon as my son began toddling into the bathroom after me, he received the same information about bodies with uteruses. It never occurred to me that I might not talk to him the same way that I talk to my daughter. That’s a good thing.
According to Melissa Pintor Carnagey, the founder of Sex Positive Families, “menstruation is a normal bodily function, so it’s not inappropriate for children to learn about it.”
Also, discussing periods is an opportunity to break the shame, the taboo and the misinformation surrounding menstruation in our culture, notes Justine Ang Fonte, an award-winning health educator and professor in New York City.
"It is crucial for kids to understand how bodies work even if it’s not something that will happen to their own body because it helps them develop empathy and emotional intelligence," she tells Yahoo Life.
Anna Rollins, a mom of two sons ages 3 and 6, has experienced this first-hand. Like me, she first began discussing her period with her oldest son when he followed her into the bathroom. Now, when he sees a box of tampons on the counter, he’ll ask her if she’s on her period and if there’s anything he can do to help her. Rollins hopes he continues to maintain this empathy in the future, and she’s glad that she’s been so open with both of her boys.
“I went into parenting knowing that I didn’t want my children to be ashamed of their bodies or how bodies naturally worked," she says.
Fonte says it’s important for kids to feel comfortable talking about bodily functions and body parts because it gives them the tools to tell a parent or doctor if something is wrong and get the help they need. She encourages parents to have frequent and informal conversations about periods instead of only discussing menstruation in special, sit-down conversations.
Jamie Beth Cohen, a writer and mom of a 10-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl, finds casual conversation works best in her household. Her essay “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex” went viral during the first year of COVID lockdowns, and she applies the same honesty she employs with sex to menstruation. Her family — both her daughter and son — talk about periods informally and all together whenever it comes up naturally.
In addition to talking about periods in daily life, Carnagey recommends parents take purposeful steps to work menstruation into conversation in case it never comes up naturally in a household.
“If we want to normalize this conversation no matter the gender of young people then things like walking down the period product aisle with a son can be a powerful way to open up the conversation and allow your young person to get curious, because if they aren’t curious with you then they will find another space or person to get curious with, and sometimes those aren’t trustworthy sources,” Carnagey tells Yahoo Life.
Fonte wants parents who haven’t established an open dialogue with their kids — especially their boys — about periods to know that it’s not too late. The first few conversations might be sit-down conversations, or it might look like a parent discussing a podcast or article they read or even sending that article to their kids to read too to get the dialogue started.
One of the struggles I’ve faced when discussing my period with my kids is that I have endometriosis, a disorder in which the tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus. It can make my periods extremely painful, and I’ve struggled with how to explain the symptoms to my children without scaring them. That's especially true for my daughter, who I don’t want to fear menstruation.
I asked Carnagey for any advice she had for discussing period pain. She said discussing the challenges of periods is a great opportunity to teach kids about the importance of pain as a body’s way of talking to you and letting you know how it is doing.
“It can be empowering for a child to know and understand that there are signals their body can send them if they need some extra help or need to see a doctor,” she explains.
Similarly, it’s important for parents to remember that puberty isn’t the only process of change bodies go through, and to acknowledge the physical changes that take place when bodies enter perimenopause. Carnagey views open discussions of perimenopause as another way moms can help normalize the human body and help their children understand physical changes they might be experiencing.
Ultimately, the important thing for parents to remember is that teaching kids — boys and girls — about periods empowers them with the knowledge they need to take care of their bodies and helps them develop empathy for bodies unlike their own, which Carnagey believes is especially important if they become lawmakers who make healthcare decisions for other people.
"We have a lot of lawmakers who are making healthcare decisions for people with uteruses and it’s clear they never had comprehensive education about menstruation," she says. "We change this for the next generation by teaching children early and ongoing about periods.”
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