This Mom Refused To Attend A Gender Reveal Party For Her Daughter's Lizard And Here's Why People Are Saying She's In The Wrong
Hello, internet people! So, as many of us already know, Reddit has a very interesting subreddit called "Am I the Asshole?" where users ask if they're assholes for how they handled certain situations. We've covered a lot of them in the past – and today we have a really thought-provoking one.
Starz
This predicament comes from u/ApprehensiveFix3425. She is a 48-year-old mother to her 23-year-old daughter who has a blue-tongued skink.
Our Original Poster's (OP) daughter adores her lizard, and she jokingly refers to it as her daughter. "I've found it weird, but she says it's because it's the closest thing she'd have to a child, and she feels a strong emotional bond similar to a child. She has decided to remain child-free for multiple reasons and I have been very supportive of this decision," the OP writes.
Continuing in the Reddit thread, the OP writes, "She recently took her skink to the vet for a checkup, and she was excited to find out her skink's gender. Afterward, I got a text asking if I'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. She explained it was just a small get-together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals)."
Well, the OP didn't go to her daughter's lizard's gender reveal. "I didn't see a point. It's just a lizard and I'm a busy person. She later called me and expressed she was kind of sad I didn't come cause it'd been a while since I'd seen her, but she understood I was busy. I told her she couldn't actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. She said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that it was more of a joke, and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone. I told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because I'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real granddaughter."
"She got quiet for a minute and then turned my words around, claiming I wasn't supportive of her decision to be child-free. I told her she can't possibly expect me to treat a lizard as a granddaughter. She said she didn't expect me to, but it was clear I didn't respect her bond with her lizard and her decision – she just wanted to see me, and my reason for coming was hurtful. I told her she was being ridiculous over a lizard. She claimed it wasn't over the lizard, and it was a gathering not even centered around the lizard, but I stick by what I said. It's ridiculous to have a gender reveal for a lizard."
City TV
The OP's daughter hung up, and the OP later got a call from her daughter's best friend saying that she was an asshole for what she said. Then the OP asks, "I don't think I'm the asshole for not wanting to go to a party for a lizard?"
WE TV
The OP updated the post to say the following:
"1. My issue is that she said the party was a gender reveal; if she had called it just a party, I would have come. But calling it a gender reveal makes it sound like it's for the lizard, and I'm not going to that even if it is a 'joke.'
2. I don't know why it matters, but the Skink is a girl, which is why I said, 'I'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real granddaughter.'
3. Even though I don't agree with my daughter for being child-free, I have been supportive and only shown mild frustration...
4. We haven't seen each other in three months. I'm a single mother, and we have always been close, which is why she invited me with her friends. I just didn't want to go to a party with a lizard, and if it wasn't for the lizard she should've called it a party instead of a gender reveal."
People immediately had strong opinions that the OP was the asshole.
Showtime
Their main reasoning being that it was about a daughter wanting to see her mom — not about a gender reveal party.
"You're the asshole. That’s your grandlizard. It was obviously not just about the gender reveal and your daughter wanted to see you."
"It wasn't for the lizard; it was for your daughter. If you're too busy to do nice things for your family (or apparently even tell them you aren't coming), then just say that. But don't hide behind some ridiculous moral stance of it being 'not a real gender reveal.' Honestly, this whole post just screams, 'I only give a shit about my kid if she's having babies,' and that's pretty vile."
"She did; she told you it was a small get-together to see people she hadn't seen in a while, with the gender reveal being a joke. Your daughter wanted to see you, and you refused because your feelings got hurt over a silly joke.
You don't have a granddaughter, and if you carry on acting like this you won't have a daughter for much longer either. You're the asshole."
Some people pointed out that the real reason the OP wouldn't attend the gathering was because she was upset that her daughter is choosing not to have children.
"So wait...
'Afterward, I got a text asking if I'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. She explained it was just a small get-together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals).'
but two paragraphs later:
'I told her she couldn't actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. She said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that it was more of a joke, and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone. I told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because I'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real granddaughter.'
You just told on yourself, OP. She had already told you it was a joke, and you refused to go out of spite because she won't have kids. Then you had the gall to fucking gaslight her.
In fact, she told you twice that the party wasn't actually for the lizard, but to the very end of your post, you keep saying it was for the lizard."
"You're the asshole. You appear to have at least a subconscious resentment for her remaining child-free; otherwise her treating her lizard like a child as a joke wouldn’t bother you. This was an excuse to have a party with a fun theme, and you took it personally as her trying to say that you need to treat her lizard like a grandchild. The fact that you are doing that means you have unresolved negative emotions about her not giving you human grandkids. Gender reveal parties were not a thing 23 years ago, so you can’t possibly think she’s making light of something that holds meaning for you. She’s having a joke party that is making a dig at a modern ritual that results in injury and forest fires. She wasn’t forcing you to accept a lizard as your grandchild."
And a lot of people shared their own stories about how much it means to them that their own parents love having animal grandbabies.
"Asshole. I adopted a stray cat, and my dad will text me just to see how his 'grandkitty' is doing. It’s just a funny joke, and I would absolutely hate to have OP as a parent. Sounds like a major buzzkill."
"This post makes me appreciate that my in-laws are always the first to RSVP for my dog’s birthday party, and they always bring a gift. Even though I know they’d much rather have human grandchildren. I understand that she’s just a dog and she doesn’t even know it’s her birthday, but dogs in party hats are a great accompaniment to a barbecue. They come because they want to see us, and we appreciate it. I don’t understand why OP isn’t flattered that her grown daughter wants to spend time with her."
Is the mom an a-hole for not attending the lizard's gender reveal?
Is the mom an a-hole for not attending the lizard's gender reveal?
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OK, people, if you missed it above, THE LIZARD IS A GIRL. Now, flood the comments with your thoughts on this one...
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