Men Are Sharing The Hardest Parts Of Growing Up As A Boy, And I Never Considered Some Of These
Recently, we rounded up some confessions from women sharing the hardest parts of growing up as a girl, and many people found it sadly relatable. So, when I came across a Reddit thread sharing the opposite perspective, I had to share it. Here's what men say are the hardest parts of being a boy:
1."My dad laughed at me when I was 8 for crying over a dead pet. I learned to hide that shit real quick."
2."I had no male mentor to help me figure things out. Things like, for instance, girls. Or a role model to target my ambition. I spent my young adulthood pretty lost. My father was a good father in that he was loving and provided for us, but I don’t think I really ever got any guidance or life advice from him."
3."Learning to distinguish between what you actually want and what you want because other people want it for you. Meaning who you really are vs. who you're trying to be to fit in."
4."The pressure to become a successful leader and a provider for a family."
5."Puberty was not fun, cracking voice constantly and non-stop boners."
6."Learning through both actions and words that my emotions and boundaries are neither welcome nor respected."
7."People don’t talk about the fact that men have body image issues, too. I was a fat kid growing up, and constantly seeing the men on my TV screen being absolutely jacked (even the kids in high school movies!) and the overweight characters being the annoying sidekicks or creeps really made me feel low about myself."
8."Trying to deal with simultaneously being seen as a threat/creepy and being told your whole worth and value as a man is determined by how many women you approach, sleep with, and date."
9."Toxic masculinity works better than being yourself 90% of the time."
10."The lack of nice long warm tight platonic hugs."
11."You feel like you need to 'prove' yourself in some way during or right after puberty. The way most dudes do it comes off as cheesy (I slept with all these girls, or look how big my truck is, or look how good at snowboarding I am). For me, I felt the need to punch an older bully while I was a freshman in high school. I got some respect from everyone after that and wasn’t messed with again, but I really didn’t want to do it and it took me some time to build up the courage for it because I didn’t know how bad he would hit back and how much trouble I would get in. I didn’t want to be in the situation in the first place, but I had to do something. There are all kinds of little events like that you need to tackle when really I just wanna chill and not be bothered."
12."I was a bit of an outcast in school cause I wasn’t into typical guy hobbies and wasn’t participating in the macho competition that most of my friends at the time were into. I always got along way better with women since I prefer to just be chill and have a nice conversation rather than have to prove myself to be accepted by others. Thankfully, I kind of found my place in the adult world, but I’m still considered 'weird' by most people, and a lot of my relationships tend to be rocky since I don’t carry myself as a typical guy, although I’ve been called attractive many times so I’m lucky in that regard."
13."You’re expected to know everything and fix everything, but nobody wants to teach you how to do it. Also coming to terms with the fact that you’re only loved for what you can provide is really depressing."
14."You have an adult level of moral culpability around age 13 that you're not psychologically ready for, and you don't understand why unless you have VERY wise and compassionate teachers and parents (which most people don't; wisdom and compassion are rare). There's a reason teenage boys are so angry; they have correctly intuited that the vast majority of adults in their lives (especially female authority figures) are too scared of them to treat them fairly and will err on the side of hysterically exaggerating their faults, downplaying and squandering their talents relative to girls, and overpunishing and overblaming them for any difficult situation."
"To a teenage boy, the whole world is a fucking conspiracy to damage them, and it's worse for boys that are bigger and VASTLY worse for Black and Latino boys because the 'danger' and 'crime' associations are much stronger. It's contemptible beyond words, and it's largely the reason boys do so badly in school."
15."Boys and men make it hard to be happy when you're a boy or a man. We gatekeep and punish one another a lot. I genuinely wish some of the energy from the anti-feminist anger that's so trendy with the kids these days could be directed to proactively building empathy and solidarity with other men or guiding boys in the world. It feels like we all treat each other like shit and then blame women and 'the modern world' for it. It's us, guys!"
16."The anti-boy propaganda. Girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, and you’re just a dirty mutt."
17."I grew up in a house with no emotion, so I've had to (and am still learning) learn to think about what I'm feeling before it devolves into anger. Frustration, anxiety, sadness, and many more all turn into anger if you don't allow yourself the time to acknowledge what you're feeling and why you're feeling it."
18."Bullying paired with a complete lack of sympathy. I still remember an after-school program where if a girl was crying, other kids would feel bad. If a boy was crying, kids would at best be awkward. Thankfully the staff was good, but damn, even at that young age, that shitty bias has already set in."
19."Learning how to go through personal crisis moments totally alone and without any real support system. As you get older, you learn that there's a reason why successful men tend to keep everything to themselves and only have surface-level relationships with neighbors and coworkers."
20."The realization that you are only valuable for your skills and what you provide, not just for who you are as a person."
21."Becoming comfortable as a 'man'. Growing up I always had an image in my head of what a 'man' should be, should look like. As I aged, I began to notice that I didnt match up to that image. I'm 27 and it's still something I struggle with today."
22."How fucking competitive every other boy was about absolutely EVERYTHING! Everything had to be a contest about who was faster, stronger, more capable, braver, whatever. Like, I honestly don't care! I remember in 7th grade, we went to camp for a week with the school. And we all had sleeping bags that we brought from home. And somebody made a comment about theirs being so warm, and everybody chimed in, 'Mine has X down!' 'Mine has moisture wicking!' The next day, a teacher chaperone made a comment about how it smelled, and everybody started talking about why their brand of deodorant was best and how it couldn't possibly be them."
"Growing up, I'd get insecure boys trying to test me about the most RANDOM things.
Funny thing is, I love fast cars and have ever since I was very young. I have a fast car that I drive on weekends. I've had random grown men tell me why they are faster than me, like threatened by the presence of my car. I smile and go, 'Yeah, you're probably right.' Oddly enough they're offended that I don't take the bait, even though I'm trying to concede to get them to go away."
23."Having been circumcised without your consent and knowing that if you were a girl, your body would have been protected."
24."Growing up (I'm 48 now), I felt and noticed that in grades k-8, it seemed that being a boy (acting like a stereotypical dumbass boy) was treated as if it were against the rules. Only the actions of stereotypical girls were treated with any kind of compassion or understanding. That may have continued to high school, but I went to an all-boys school, so I can't really comment. Now, I am a father to 11 and 4-year-old boys, and I feel like it's gotten worse."
25.And finally, "The normalization of treating women, girls, and anything 'gay' like a joke or not as legitimate. It’s a massive issue. The lack of male role models that promote good behavior and have the words to explain why most young men and boys are targeted by other men as not 'manly,' and it’s easier to radicalize our kids by targeting this insecurity surrounding women and girls. You can’t talk about men without first realizing that we’re inadvertently taught not to vocalize or use words to describe what we feel that we may feel insecure about, so we don’t discuss it when it’s needed. This opens the doors to unsavory people and beliefs that open their arms to poor behavior."
What were your biggest struggles during boyhood? Share your experiences in the comments!
