Men Are Calling Out Other Men For The Toxic Behaviors That Have, Unfortunately, Become Normalized
Redditor u/ThatOneHuman37 asked, "Men, what do you hate about men?" Men were not hesitant to call each other out, and I think it sparked some important conversations about behaviors that have unfortunately become normalized. That being said, here are 16 of the most popular things they shared:
1."The thought that any emotional openness means a guy is gay."
"My grandfather was a pretty cold, working class carpenter and electrician. My father was a Green Beret in Panama during Vietnam, a divorce lawyer, and a marathon runner, so also a pretty tough guy. Somehow, my dad learned how to be compassionate and caring. He always told me that he loved me and gave me hugs and kisses. Now in turn, I get to have an emotional connection with my son, and hug him, and kiss him. So I am very thankful to my father for breaking that trend in our family."
2."Bragging. Just stop. You look like a tool and, yes, it's the reason nobody likes you."
"I absolutely hate competitive banter from strangers. I don't mind the occasional jibe from my mates, but if you don't know me, fuck off with that shit."
"It goes like this: 'Don’t you know a lot about [insert topic]? Let me tell you how much I know about [insert topic]. You don’t know as much as me about [insert topic] topic? That’s funny. Let me keep talking over you.'"
3."The shift from when we're hanging with women around to just the two of us, and suddenly it becomes OK for them to start making derogatory or overly sexual comments about whoever we were just with. I'm glad you feel comfortable with me dude, but I don't think you should ever feel comfortable enough to start saying those things. Respect for people still goes even when they're not there to listen."
4."Maybe I’m too old, but recently I went to a dancing club for the first time in years (children and stuff). I watched literally tens of drunk guys try to dance with, hold, hug, or even kiss women they didn't know without consent. The women would clearly say no and push them away, but the men would still keep trying. It was terrifying and disgusting, especially when I think about it being something my daughter may have to get through in 10 years or so…"
5."One thing that absolutely drives me up the wall is intentional incompetence — usually to get out of doing housework — where a dude will intentionally fuck up laundry or cooking so that his partner never asks for his help again. I rat out every dude I ever hear about doing that. I've quit jobs so I didn't have to spend time around dipshits like that."
6."That you need to be an asshole to get women. Be good at something. Be funny. Ask questions. That's it. It's not rocket science. If a girl doesn't like you, move on."
7."Being proud of cheating but expecting fellow men to be silent about it because of 'bro code.'"
"They're proud of cheating but, holy shit, they lose their mind if their wife even so much as glances in another guy's direction"
"Then expect you to KNOW the bro code as if it was 'obvious' from the start. Like, no dude, don't include me into this, I've got NOTHING to do with this."
8."If you have to declare that you are a nice guy or that you are an 'alpha,' you are neither of those things."
9."I don't want to fucking fight you because we accidentally bumped into each other (or your girl). When I said, 'Excuse me, sorry,' I meant it. Fucking relax."
10."The manosphere 'dating coach' grift on YouTube and Twitch makes me despair. I’m not exactly Lothario here, but I bet I could give better relationship advice."
"These people treat women as if they're an entirely different species. One with a single behavioral pattern, no variance."
11."It's sad that so many (mostly) young men are constantly obsessing about whether or not other men think that they're gay."
"'I can't wear this, it's gay.' 'I can't listen to X type of music, it's gay.'
I used to work for my university's YouTube channel and was interviewing a guy and he asked us to move from where we were filming because the LGBTQIA+ student club's poster was behind him and people could think he was part of it.
You realize how much more energy these dudes could put towards things that actually matter in life rather than this obsession? It's seriously depressing how insecure they are."
12."I hate men who have a constant commitment to the 'tough guy' act. I’m someone who doesn’t take myself too seriously and often make self-deprecating jokes to break the ice. I was doing this at a casino once with a group of strangers and one guy seemed to see my joke as an opening to repeatedly mock me and assert his 'dominance.' It pretty much ruined the overall mood at the table. Like, dude, can you just be a person for 20 minutes and laugh along with the rest of us instead of playing some kind of Johnny Bravo character?"
"Guys like that are deeply insecure."
13."Guys, seriously, can you go five minutes without spitting on the ground like you're marking your territory or something?"
14."It bugs me that so many men can't just have female friends. One of my best friends is a woman. She is married and I have no interest in her romantically. She talks with me about her pregnancy, vents to me about issues she has with her husband, etc. My male friends always act like I'm trying to hook up with her or she is trying to hook up with me. Nope. She is genuinely just a friend."
"As a guy who’s 31 and always been able to maintain platonic friendships with women, the hardest part of it is the outside factors.
From other guys: 'What are you, gay? Don’t you just want to fuck her?'
From her friends: 'He definitely just wants to hook up with you!'"
15."That we’re constantly yelling about men’s mental health, then turning around and calling a dude feminine for having any emotion other than anger."
"When many other men talk about how 'emotional' women are, they dismiss how quick to anger so many men are. Anger is an emotion, ya dorks."
16.And finally, "I hate the 'ball and chain' humor. I'm at the age now where a bunch of my friends are getting married and it just started all of a sudden. I'm getting married soon and I've had so many of my friends tell me, 'it's all downhill from here!' They're obviously joking, but it's just not funny. I don't like thinking of marriage as a battle of two opposing forces. I love my partner and enjoy our life together. I genuinely don't see the humor in constantly making fun of the person who's always supposed to have your back, and vice versa."
Men of BuzzFeed — is there anything that wasn't mentioned on this list that you cannot stand fellow men doing? If so, tell us in the comments below.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
