"My 'Best Friend' Tipped Me Off 'Cause They Wouldn't Let Her Join": Married People Share How They Learned Their Spouse Cheated
While there's never any justifiable reason for cheating, the fact doesn't make getting cheated on any easier. With that in mind, we asked (formerly) married members of the BuzzFeed Community who caught their spouses cheating to share how they found out. Here are their stories below:
1."I read some random article referencing Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats,' but I couldn't remember the lyrics, so I watched the music video. My fiancé came home as I was running to the bathroom and — with a distinct note of panic in his voice — asked why I'd been watching that video."
2."After my best friend got pregnant, her fiancé dumped her because he 'wasn't ready to be a father.' She had nowhere to go, so I moved her in with me. Two months after the baby was born, I caught her with my fiancé. They'd been having an affair for months! All our friends knew, but nobody told me. Most of them actually urged me to be a 'good sport' and support them because 'it would be hard for a single mom to get a man, whereas [I] don't have kids and can easily find another boyfriend!'"
"I dumped my best friend, my fiancé, and all my other 'friends.'"
3."I was with my ex for 10 years, married for three. He was never particularly loving but became increasingly distant over the years. One day, while using our laptop, I found a group of bookmarked tabs titled, 'Links to the United States.' It opened up hundreds of porn pages. That was weird enough, but at the bottom, there was a Yahoo email address under some ridiculous name I'd never seen. I clicked on it, and it was already signed in. The inbox was full of emails from websites like Ashley Madison and Chaturbate. I looked in the sent messages and discovered he had also been soliciting women on Craigslist with pictures and videos under this alias for seven years. I was able to log into all the websites he used — he never changed his passwords — and found conversation after conversation with these women. I even found his OnlyFans subscriptions; he paid women hundreds of dollars from an account I didn't recognize. When I confronted him, he had no excuse."
"I left the house. I had been begging him to start a family for years, but he constantly made excuses, and I eventually gave up. The day I left, I saw an email from Snapchat come into his fake Yahoo account saying he changed his password. Of course, I figured it out and found even more evidence of him meeting up with women throughout our entire relationship."
4."My ex cheated on me with a furry — some random woman from Instagram. I found out from one of his friends."
"He never would have told me about it."
5."My ex wanted a divorce, and I couldn't understand why. He moved out but never contacted me after, so we never legally separated or divorced. Three months later, he showed up saying he wanted to move back in. Turns out, he'd been staying with a friend, but the friend and his wife didn't like his new girlfriend, who's a notorious home-wrecker. The wife especially didn't want someone like her under their roof, so they couldn't even hang out at the house. According to him, since we were 'technically separated,' it didn't matter if his girlfriend slept over at our house. I refused and called him sick. He ended up moving in with someone else until she cheated on him a month later. He then begged to move back in and made me feel like a terrible, unsympathetic person as he had been cheated on and was brokenhearted. He actually told me I was being a 'horrible wife' for not understanding, and that's why he couldn't be with me."
"Yeah, I had the divorce finalized a few weeks later."
6."My mom found a receipt for a couch and a bedroom set from a local store in my stepdad's jeans while he was away for work. He told her he was staying in a camp on the job, so she was super suspicious. After confronting him, she found out he had been renting a house with another woman and had a whole other life with her — all while he was 'away working.'"
7."He had to tell me two hours before it was going to be on the local news. He was a law enforcement officer caught on video in an 'establishment' involved in trafficking."
"I've been happily divorced for five years now."
8."I used to work night shifts and, on one night in particular, got home just before 12. I tapped on his phone screen — it was charging on our nightstand — to see what time it was when I saw a message that said, 'You know I hate being teased, but we have tomorrow.' Of course, I opened the phone and read the rest. That's how I found out that my husband of three months was cheating with our 1-year-old daughter's babysitter. She lived in our spare guest room to offset childcare costs."
"What a soap opera. We're divorced now, and my girl and I are finally settling into our own place."
9."My husband and a friend of mine started an affair right under my nose because we always hung out. While he neglected me on Valentine's Day and led me to believe he was working extra hours because we were 'broke,' he gave her a bunch of gifts. My best friend later found out and told me. I then found all their emails, texts, and DMs. It was gross. That was 10 years ago. Five years ago, I found out my 'best friend' only tipped me off because they wouldn't allow her to join them!"
"That pissed her off, so she told me. They didn't think I would believe her, and I probably wouldn't have if they didn't leave so much evidence. In the 10 years since we've been divorced, I remarried and had children with a wonderful man."
10."I didn't find out my ex cheated until after we split up, but I should've known. Once, we were in the shower when I noticed a big bruise on his neck. He said it was from 'play-fighting with his mates.' What 23-year-old play-fights? He would also occasionally ghost me for a few days 'due to his mental health.' He even told me a big sob story about how his ex cheated on him, so he could never do it to anyone else — blah, blah, blah."
"He was the first guy I properly trusted, and he was the only one I couldn't actually trust."
11."While I was eating lunch with a friend, a mutual friend of mine and my husband's called and asked if we had broken up because they saw him at a comic store making out with a girl. When I confronted him, he admitted it right away. However, he still denies it to his friends and family."
"The comic store was less than two blocks from where I had lunch. Right after I left him, he moved that girl in — as if that didn't shoot up any suspicious signals. You can't fix stupid."
12."I had upgraded my phone, so he took my old phone and switched the SIM cards. At the time, our lease had just ended — we were moving back to Austin from Los Angeles — so we were staying at a hotel. I had gone to the vet to get meds for our pets for the car ride when notifications revealing a decade's worth of cheating suddenly popped up on my phone. Notification after notification after notification. He unintentionally signed me into all of his accounts, and every single one had evidence of his cheating (including Skype messages, which I didn't even know existed). They went back to when we first dated."
"We still had to drive back to Austin together, but it was ultimately the best thing that ever happened to me. We were together for 10 years, and he was abusive and a diagnosed narcissist and sociopath. However, I was so brainwashed that I needed that tidal wave of evidence to finally leave.
Oh, and he was cheating with my 'friends' — for fuck's sake, you couldn't even find a stranger? Anyway, the lesson is that the truth will always come out."
13."We'd been married for 14 years when I had my third child in August 2019. That October, my father's cancer relapsed, and he died less than a month later. Three weeks after my dad's death, my husband came home early from work to confess he had been having an affair with a mutual friend of ours — someone we had known for 13 years. It started four years prior as sexting and phone sex and turned physical the year I was pregnant with our daughter. They had sex while I was 600 miles away, planning and attending my dad's funeral."
"For several reasons, I decided to try and reconcile. Things are better now, but it's definitely still a struggle."
14."My husband met a girl from another country while on a work trip when I was five months pregnant. Her boyfriend contacted me a few months later after learning about their 'long-distance relationship.' My husband denied it. When I was eight months pregnant, I discovered his recent work trip was an excuse to meet up with her for a weekend. They didn't have sex, but at that point, it didn't matter. I confronted him, and we split up for a few weeks before deciding to figure things out for the baby. Fast-forward six months, and he was talking to her again. This time, he told her we were getting divorced. I left with the baby, and he moved out for six months. We've decided to try again, and things have been better..."
"Relationships are tough, people."
15."Three months after our son's autism diagnosis, my mom found him making out with his now-girlfriend in a parking lot near our home. My mom drove home and called me, and then he showed up with excuses. When he told her he couldn't just leave his family with nothing, she replied she wouldn't wait. So, he left me with two children under 4 and no money to be with her. That was almost 10 years ago."
"My two amazing kids are slowly losing respect for their dad as he continually chooses her over them. The saddest part is that he was such an amazing dad, but he threw it away. I'm constantly telling the kids stories about the good things he did before he left so they don't lose all respect for him and can still maintain a decent relationship with him."
16."I found my ex cheating in our house. He was having a threesome with girls he'd met at his adult fat camp. I blacked out; I was so angry. Somehow, I managed to take pictures of everything. I got pictures of her license plate, hired a private investigator, and spoke to her husband. He cheated in North Carolina, where she could be sued for alien of affection. I got a hefty settlement for less than three years of marriage."
17."I got a phone call from my best friend when she found a phone under her car seat. I didn't think much of it since she drives for Uber. She turned it on to see if she could locate the owner, and it was my husband's 'lost' phone. Turns out, he'd been hooking up with prostitutes across the country — he was a cross-country trucker — for the last 1.5 years. I was 14 weeks pregnant at the time and ended up hospitalized with complications."
"Thankfully, my baby is healthy for the time being, and I didn't contract any diseases or infections. Our two toddlers and I, his pregnant wife, were evicted while he was hooking up with prostitutes. I cry every single day."
18."I caught my dad cheating when I was 17 and came home unexpectedly early from a school function. He and another woman (later my stepmother) were in my parents' bedroom. They must have heard me come up the stairs because his bedroom door suddenly flung open as she pushed past me. She then ran to the front door while putting on her shirt and pants — bra and underwear in hand. My dad came running out with boxers on and said, 'YOU SAW NOTHING!' before running after her. I followed as she ran down the street with my dad behind her, yelling, 'Come back; maybe this is a good thing!' (Again, he was only wearing boxers and barefoot.) As she sped away, I looked at my dad and said, 'You know I'm going to tell Mom.' He tried to bribe me, but I told her later that night."
"They had been married almost 30 years at that point, and that woman was in her home in her bed... The disrespect! BTW, the other woman was also married."
19."One night, the space heater in our room shorted the power. I went to unplug it before heading to the breaker box when I noticed his cell phone light up with incoming text messages from a woman. They were selfie after selfie — all racy — with messages like, 'baby, this' and 'baby, that.' I just sat in a chair with his phone, watching him sleep. Finally, I woke him up. He got mad that I snooped on his phone, which I had never done before. I demanded the truth, so he opened his phone and showed me a picture of a baby girl. He said, 'This is my daughter. That is the truth.' She was 15 months old."
"It devastated me, but we decided to work it out. She's almost 6 now, and I love her to pieces. And I'm friends with her mom."
20."After struggling to conceive for a year, I finally got pregnant. At the beginning of my second trimester, I tested positive for syphilis. My husband found a prostitute and got syphilis from her. Fetuses that get syphilis and are untreated have a 50% chance of being stillborn. Three painful shots in my rear later, I was treated, and my son was born healthy."
"I truly have a miracle baby."
21."My ex — who I'd been with for 24 years — insisted he wasn't cheating when he asked for a divorce. I suspected for quite some time because I kept finding things like strange hair clips and clothes. I checked his voice messages, and there were several nasty messages from a 'supposed friend' that were not 'friend-like.' She left her husband for my ex, too. After that, people came out of the woodwork to tell me about all the women he slept with. His coworkers didn't even know he was married. He had worked there for 12 years by that time!"
"I'm grateful for my hubby now, who is amazing to me."
22."I called my then-husband, who just happened to be at his girlfriend's place. I guess he couldn't get her to stay quiet, and we had a rather heated argument. At one point, he said, 'Tell that to the 60 other women I've been with!' Once I told him that his little girlfriend would be happy to have him sign divorce papers, she went absolutely bananas in the background. I could hear them fighting over the phone."
"Then it hung up. We'd been married less than five years at the time."
23."I had been thinking of getting a new laptop, so he sold my current laptop to his brother without asking me first. (I calmed down when he gave me the money for it.) The next morning, I opened his laptop to look for a new one when I saw a picture of some naked lady asking when they were going to meet again. This was the early 2000s, and he had left his email open. When I confronted him, he tried to pass it off as spam — except I read through the entire email chain, and they had clearly met and were hooking up."
"I had to leave for work and told him he and all his stuff better be out of my apartment by the time I got home. Stupid me took him back a year later. The next year, he cheated on me again, and I found out because she ran straight up to him and kissed him on the lips in front of me. She hadn't even seen me."
24."I was cooking when our home phone rang. My 7-year-old daughter answered, and a guy told her, 'Go tell your daddy that your mommy is having an affair with me.' She immediately started crying because she thought I'd leave and never see her again."
"Needless to say, I asked for and got custody of my daughter. I pray no one's kid ever has that happen to them. I was hurt, but hurting my daughter was enough for me."
25."The other woman told me about my husband cheating. She then begged me not to tell my teenage daughter — whom met her as a toddler — when he started cheating. She claimed she was a product of a broken home, too."
"So, you endured this, and you're okay doing it to another family? As for my husband (not for long), he's a whole other (huge) bag of dicks..."
26."I was six months pregnant, and we'd been together almost seven years. He cheated with a teenage coworker with the same name as me. I saw the messages pop up on my Apple CarPlay in the car while he ran into the store."
27."Mom's first husband was a traveling salesman with mistresses in different cities. She found out because one of them called her, begging her to stop denying him a divorce; that was the first Mom had heard about a divorce. She had recently gone through several miscarriages and a tough pregnancy with my sister. In the end, Mom and the mistress who called had the last laugh when they confronted him together."
"He had been telling these mistresses that his wife was a horrible woman who wouldn't let him get divorced. Since my mom is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, this was a pretty low blow."
28."I was using his computer one day and decided to turn on some music from his music file. Instead, I found pictures of his 'best friend' in a bikini in the file. I asked him three different times, and he denied it. Finally, I said, 'I know you have them saved,' and pulled them up. He got mad and accused me of snooping."
"Two weeks later, after I left, I found out he paid for her abortion."
29."I found them drunk on the floor in our apartment. It was after my 30th birthday party. He claimed the wine was rancid and that he thought it was me."
"???♀?"
30."After seven years of marriage, my husband started working nights. He spent most of the day home alone on the computer but always remembered to close it before he left for work. I could never see what he was doing. One night, he forgot, so I decided to have a quick peek. Not only had he been having an affair with a woman from another country, but he had also secured a job and a place to live. He was planning on leaving the country and not bothering to tell me!"
"It didn't bother me that much as our marriage was virtually over. I just packed his stuff in rubbish bags and left them on the doorstep with a note. Then I changed the locks."
31."I was eight months pregnant with my second baby when I found out my husband was cheating on me with some girl we met at his niece's funeral. She was posting pictures and quotes about how 'the pandemic brought me someone special' along with things that gave me an inkling that 'someone' was him. They both made my last month of pregnancy hell — messaging me about the things they were doing and making fun of me. He completely ghosted our kids financially and physically. It's been nine months, and she's days away from giving birth to his baby."
"You never really get to know some people, regardless of time."
32."I found texts on my husband's phone. The other woman was not only our young daughter's babysitter but our roommate as well. 'Let her move in to save on childcare costs.' They both just walked around the house, day in and day out, messing around while I was at work and our daughter slept in the next room."
"Heartless."
33."I once found a woman's T-shirt in our bedroom that wasn't mine. My ex tried to convince me that it was my shirt and that I must have forgotten. Such gaslighting! I confronted him, and he, of course, denied it. Everything finally ended when his phone rang early on a Sunday morning. He was still sleeping, so I answered. It was his girlfriend of six months! She was shocked to learn we had been together for six years and were living together."
"Another time, I found a pair of women's leather gloves. I obviously knew he was cheating, but he refused to admit it. We were not in a good place. Needless to say, I moved out that same day."
34."I had gotten a new phone and given him my old one. A few days later, I received several calls that would hang up when I answered. I asked him about the number, and he said he didn't know it. One night, I checked my Google account because I couldn't sleep. It was about 4 a.m. Google Maps Timeline puts you within 500 feet of a place, and I saw an address I knew. It belonged to his friend's ex-girlfriend. The bastard went to her house on my birthday when he told me something important had come up, and he had to go to his coworker's."
"The calls were weird enough because I hadn't given anyone my new number. He finally admitted to it since I had proof, but he still won't admit to how long it had been going on."
35."He said he had Army training during Valentine's Day weekend, but I saw him tagged in a photo with her in a hotel room. He told me it was an old photo, but he was wearing the hat we had just gotten him. He ended up leaving me but came back. Being a good, married, Christian woman, I forgave him. We then decided a baby was a fantastic idea. At 11 weeks pregnant, I found all the messages he didn't delete from the girlfriend he had while we were apart — along with all the women he promised to marry for military benefits when we 'divorced.' He said I couldn't be mad because I had 'already forgiven him for the time apart' and then cheated again when I was eight months pregnant. That time, I got sent the video."
"He had started cheating on me three months into our marriage and continued to lie, cheat, and emotionally and verbally abuse me for another year before I was able to leave. He said I caught him every time. Our marriage turned me into a toxic partner to my next boyfriend, as I had to learn to trust men again."
36."My ex always showered. For 18 years, he showered. Suddenly, he started taking baths. He'd call his girlfriend and sext her in the bath. We lived in a tiny house, so I could hear every word. I think my kids heard, too; I was too scared to ask. I tried to save our marriage, but he'd even leave to talk to his girlfriend of the moment during date nights. It was always a 'friend' needing help. I'm over him now, but I will never forget the shame of that time."
37."We were together for seven years before we got married, so I thought we were pretty solid. About a year into marriage, he started talking more and more about a coworker and the issues she was having with her husband. Eventually, he told me he couldn't be married anymore because we were just 'too different.' He swore up and down it wasn't because of anyone else. As I was packing up to sell our home, I found a used condom wrapper in his nightstand drawer. Spoiler alert: We didn't use condoms since we were fine with getting pregnant."
"He ended up marrying that coworker two years later — so much for no one else."
38."When the Ashley Madison leak happened, I used an online tool to see if his email had been leaked. Sure enough, he used his everyday email address with his very unusual, distinctive name and all his real details — address, birthdate, etc."
"This was three years after I had kicked him out, so it was nice to reaffirm my decision. The only downside was that the tool I used to check also sent an automatic email to him! But, hey, now he knows that I know."
39."I caught a couple of phone calls to his now-wife late at night. He denied everything when I asked about them and said it was for work — they didn't work in the same department. We would argue, and I'd stay at my mother's because it was too much. Finally, I went through his phone. The proof was there. While I was gone, he'd even bring her over for lunch. Just to see what he'd say, I asked him if he'd want an open relationship. He agreed and said it would benefit us. After laughing, I told him it was over and that I knew he was lying."
"I took our recently-born baby, packed my shit, and never looked back. The other woman knew he was married the entire time and got pregnant. Now, their child is in foster care, and — turns out — she was hiding a baby from a previous relationship from him for two years."
40."When I was eight months pregnant, my then-husband was constantly texting someone while hiding underneath our blankets to avoid waking me. One night, I had enough. I went through his phone and found the texts. When I confronted him, he said it was my fault because I was so hormonal."
"Later, I found out that the girl was a virgin and that he 'always wanted to be with a virgin.'"
41."I'm from Mexico; he's from Finland. We moved to Mexico for a while when we had our third kid. At the baptism, he flirted with one of my best friend's sisters, but I thought it was nothing to worry about. Three days later, I found out he was promising to marry her and move her into our house. He even told her she was the perfect stepmom for our kids because she spoke Spanish like me. I forgave him. Two years later, I noticed he was texting a lot. I couldn't take it anymore and confronted him, and he admitted to cheating on me. I divorced him and moved away. His whole family turned their backs on me, so I had to be strong and find my way in a country I wasn't born into. The asshole had the audacity to move across the street from me with her 'for the sake of the kids.'"
"Later, I found out she was his work colleague. They had been dating for months and making fun of me for noticing weird smells in our bed."
Are you also speechless right now? Have you (unfortunately) experienced this yourself? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below.
