This Couple Had A Huge Argument After The Husband Told His Wife That She Should Stop Expecting Appreciation From Him For Taking Care Of Their Children, And People Have Thoughts On The Situation
If you're someone who lives for drama, then you're probably familiar with the "Am I The Asshole?" subreddit, where people debate who is the asshole in certain situations.
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Every single post on there is so juicy that they have me like:
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I recently came across a post about a couple who had a massive argument after the husband refused to thank his wife for taking care of their children.
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Here's the situation, told by u/Particular-Willow-17, who works from home while his wife takes care of their two-year-old twins:
"When we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a SAHM, especially since we don't have any family nearby. I make a good wage, so we are comfortable. She is free to buy herself things; I make sure she has access to money, and she takes care of everything around the house. I work from home, and a typical day for me is 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. Once I finish work, I go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. We put them to bed together, and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. She is great at her job, and the house is spotless. I am happy with this arrangement, and I thought my wife was, too."
"Recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated, and taken for granted. I asked if I could do anything to help, and she said that it would be nice if I did something now and again to show that I appreciated her. I'll admit that I didn't do this, purely because I am not in the habit, to be honest."
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"We recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being 'treated like a servant.' She basically said that her working hours are 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., 7 days a week, and that she feels like I take her for granted. I told her that I understand it's a tough job, but we both get on with our respective roles. I never ask her to thank me for making money; I think that's cringeworthy. I get on with my job because I have to provide for my family, whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job."
"I essentially said this to her, and now I'm wondering if I am the asshole — looking after kids and the house is tiring, and she does work hard and takes care of everything. But at the same time, do I need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job?"
As per usual, the commenters didn't hold anything back, with the general consensus being that the husband was, in fact, being an asshole.
Most of the commenters made sure to remind the poster that being a mother is a full-time job.
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"Men never seem to grasp the fact that being a SAHM means they’re on call 24/7, 365 days a year. If one of the kids is sick or has a nightmare in the middle of the night, it’s probably her who deals with that, too. Does she get the weekend off because you’re home? I fucking doubt it. There’s no reason why he can’t make dinner once in a while, or do the shopping, or put the kids to bed, so his wife can have a break. Get your head out of your ass, my dude." —u/LuLu31
Others pointed out that appreciating your significant other is just part of being a good spouse.
"It sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. Appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. If you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be, too." —u/Temporary_Badger
Another commenter wrote that being a stay-at-home mother can be isolating and lonely, and that the husband should understand how difficult it can be.
"Being a SAHM isn't necessarily harder, but it's a different kind of hard. It's isolating in a way that's hard to shake. At work, when I do something well, I get a high five from a coworker or I get a student telling me something was helpful. Parenting toddlers, they don't and can't do that because they're babies. Their whole life experience is based on meeting their needs and wants. It's grinding and mentally hard. And your wife is parenting twins and keeping the house really clean? She is a fucking rock star and deserves way more than cards and chocolate." —u/Spallanzani333
The story even got people wondering if the husband was pulling his weight as a father once he clocked out of work for the day.
"If she says she’s working 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., that makes me think that OP doesn’t even help after he comes home from work. She isn’t your 24/7 on call employee, OP. You’re still supposed to help her after you get home. No wonder she feels unappreciated." —u/Beckylately
Others asked the original poster to compare what it's like at his workplace to his wife's workplace in the home.
"Maybe she doesn’t thank him for making money, but does anyone at work thank him? In most work places, it’s normal to get at least some cursory 'Thanks' for doing something that affects someone else, even when it’s totally within the job expectations. Special treats to show general appreciation are also pretty standard. OP isn’t her “boss,” but he’s the only person who is in a position to show appreciation for her work. A workplace where literally no one ever mentions your work or their appreciation for it is a bad place to work." —u/homebrew_ken_
What do you think about the situation? Let me know in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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