‘I’m paid ￡300 an hour as a divorce lawyer – but I’m not their friend’
This is part of a series called ‘The secret life of…’, pulling back the curtain on professions you’ve always wanted to know more about. If you want to anonymously reveal all about your job, email [email protected].
When I was a child, I wanted to be a police officer because my father was in the police force. But when I came to apply, he encouraged me to get a degree because that would help when it came to promotions. So I did a law degree, as that goes quite nicely with being a police officer, and I fell in love with family law.
On my first day, I was thrown into a court hearing and shown the real, human side of the job which sealed the deal for me.
I am now a partner at a law firm and my day-to-day role is helping people through divorce – mainly with separation of finances – as well as children issues, cohabitation disputes and pre-nups.
In family law, you are on a journey with your client. Obviously nobody ever actually wants to come and see a family lawyer. But being able to build a relationship with a client and see them go from one of the most difficult times in their life, when they are super vulnerable, to progressing the case through to the finish and getting a good and fair outcome in terms of their matrimonial finances or child arrangements – for me, that’s golden.
We deal with every emotion. When a client comes to me, they are within the grief cycle – maybe they are really sad or angry. I am always very clear that I am not a therapist. I’m not trained to deal with that side.
But I build a team around them, putting them in touch with divorce and separation coaches, financial advisers, mortgage advisers, whatever they need. I have to remain objective to be able to do the best I can for them.
I’ve learnt how to deal with someone crying violently down the phone or getting aggressive because they feel they haven’t got the outcome that morally they deserve. It’s about staying calm and collected and making sure they have the appropriate outlet.
My favourite case so far was when my client hadn’t seen or spoken to their child for four years because of serious allegations that had been raised by the other parent. I think these allegations were raised not because they were true, but because the other parent wanted to relocate.
When the judgement came through in our favour and my client was reunited with their child, it brought tears to my eyes and I felt intense relief.
It was the culmination of two-and-a-half years of hard work and dealing with someone who was being torn away from their child. They emailed me the photographs of their first meeting with their child after four years and the child had a massive grin on their face. For me, that is the reason I do this job.
My hourly rate is in excess of ￡300 an hour plus VAT. I am aware that I’m a distress purchase. Nobody wants to spend over ￡300 an hour on something they don’t want – for instance, if they are the party that wants the marriage to continue.
Some clients tell me they don’t want to spend that much on a lawyer and we pass them on to a more junior member of the team who has a lower hourly rate.
My salary is about ￡80,000 a year plus bonuses. The highest bonus I’ve had is ￡10,000. I think I’m fairly well-paid, though obviously nobody would say no to a pay rise. I don’t think you go into family law if you want to become uber wealthy. It is not a particularly lucrative area of law, compared to other areas.
My salary is dwarfed by what I could have earned if I was a mergers and acquisition lawyer at an American firm starting on ￡125,000. I’d probably be on between ￡300,000 to ￡400,000 if I was an equity partner at one of those firms.
But I have no regrets. I don’t want to work 20 hours a day, doing a lot of due diligence, combing through documents. There’s a reason I chose family law.
It was for the day-to-day building relationships with people and the actual work which I find enjoyable. I like picking up the phone and speaking to my clients. My firm also offers other benefits such as flexible working so if I need to finish early I can, and I can work from anywhere.
My husband and I are renovating a campervan, and next month I’ll be working abroad from the van. I also work with great colleagues so that all forms part of my compensation package that I’m content with.
I start my day with a very strong cup of coffee, a dog walk and a clear to-do list. I am at my desk at about 8am, catching up on emails and seeing if there’s anything that needs urgent attention – like a civil injunction, any domestic abuse allegations, or Children’s Act proceedings where a child may have been abducted.
Then I may have a court hearing and calls with clients. I work through my tasks depending on my caseload. I probably have 45 or 50 cases in my name, but I am working on those cases with my colleagues so I am not the sole lawyer working on them.
The hours are long and very variable. Sometimes I’ll finish at 4pm, sometimes I’ll finish at 8pm, sometimes I will work into the night. It’s not unusual for me to log on during the weekend too.
The job can be emotionally draining, especially the cases that involve domestic violence allegations or children who have been neglected. You do have to shoulder a lot.
I try to remind myself that my clients don’t want a friend, they need someone who is objective and who can guide them through the process and explain the different avenues they could go down. But it’s still a job where you have to be empathetic and offer a listening ear.
With cases involving allegations of domestic violence, it’s really important that those individuals feel heard. What may seem like a small allegation for us, could underpin a lot of trauma for them. I have clients who have PTSD and mental health issues and I have to keep an eye on how I deal with those clients.
For example, there are some clients I will never send communications to until I have space in my diary to have a conversation with them.
If a letter comes in on a Friday, I know not to send it through to them until I’m able to speak with them. With other clients, I’ll get pages and pages of abuse that their former partner will want me to pass on but I will only pass on the pertinent bits that we need to answer to – I won’t pass on a load of waffle or aggressive communications.
I have learnt how important it is to take time for yourself in this job. When I was more junior, I didn’t understand that. Now I know it’s essential and it’s not a sign of weakness, it keeps you strong enough to help your clients.
Time out for me is jumping on my Peloton and thrashing out a thirty minute workout, taking my dogs for a gentle stroll in the fields nearby or sitting quietly with a cup of coffee.
My top tip for anyone going through a divorce is to remember that you have had good times in the past together. If there are children involved, I always use the example of my husband’s family.
His parents are divorced and there was a time when it was extremely acrimonious. But it meant so much that he was able to seat them together at our wedding because they now have a good relationship.
I say: “You are no longer husband and wife but you are still mum and dad, you still want to be there to give your daughter away, you still want to go to university graduations. Your relationship has changed but it doesn’t mean you have to dislike each other.”
I believe that divorce law is in a good state, but that cohabitation law needs to be updated. We need some protection for people who live together for 25 years with one party paying towards the mortgage and home improvements and then coming out with nothing. To me, that is extremely unfair.
I estimate that 97pc of the time I’m happy in my job and then 3pc of the time, I find myself thinking: “It would be so much easier to be a florist.” That’s not a bad ratio.
As told to Isolde Walters.
