What Is Love? How It Feels To Be in Love & 5 Signs You Love Someone
Relationship experts weigh in.
Whether it lifts us up where we belong, it's a many splendored thing, or it’s all we need, as the songs go, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that the feeling of love is a unifying force. Romantic love has been idolized to the point that it exists in over 147 out of 166 cultures around the world. But, what is love exactly and what does being in love feel like?
Here's how to define and describe love, so you'll know exactly what love is when you start showing signs of loving someone.
What Is Love?
When asked, "What is love?", Margot Schulman, author of Choose Love: A Simple Path to Healthy, Joyful Relationships, says: "I love this question because it is the source of so much confusion and misunderstanding in our culture. We all say things like, 'I love this color blue!' and 'I love crossword puzzles!' But how can that be the same word we use to describe how we feel about our spouses, our kids and our best friends? Impossible!"
In romantic relationships, Schulman describes love as, "a magical embodied sensation sparked from an alchemical reaction of witnessing another person's heart and soul and accepting, appreciating and celebrating them just as they are: in all their perfect imperfection."
Adam LoDolce, founder of Love Strategies, adds: “What is love? It's when you finally meet the best friend you're attracted to. It's a bonding mechanism that's designed to connect humans to one another for a long period of time.”
Related: Warm Your Hunny's Heart With These 100 Romantic Love Poems for Him and Her
How Do You Define Love?
In Ancient Greece, the feeling of love was so hard to define that philosophers broke it down into four categories to try and characterize it. Those four categories were storge, phila, eros and agape. Storge was usually defined as the love between family members like siblings and parents. Phila was defined as the love between best friends. Eros was more of your classic romantic love. Finally, agape was known as divine love.
In today’s society, everyone’s definition of love is different because we all experience love differently. In fact, the dictionary Merriam-Webster has over eight different definitions for love alone! Even relationship experts define love in a number of ways—there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to defining love.
Monica Berg, author of Rethink Love, says, "Unconditional love is about loving someone because they exist. To be loved or to love unconditionally is to value the characteristics in a person that are a manifestation of the person’s core self, their essence."
Related: Sealed With a Kiss! 125 Romantic Love Quotes To Send Your Special Someone
How Do You Describe Love?
As a society, we use the term “love” loosely (when’s the last time you told your friend you loved an iced latte or a new sweater?). But, what about romantic relationships? For couples that have been together for a while, they describe love as loyalty and commitment but for those figuring out their first real relationship, their description of love may be messy and complicated.
Love has many different descriptions. Love can simply be feeling secure. As Berg explains it, "Unconditional love makes us feel safe and supported. It encourages us to pursue those things in life that are meaningful to us. Sometimes all you need is someone to believe in you when it’s too hard to believe in yourself. Love is the nourishment that humans need to fulfill their greatness."
Love can also be described as a give-and-take. "Love isn’t something you need to find, accumulate, and protect. There is only one way to reclaim love, and that’s to give it away," Berg adds.
Love can also be described as being completely vulnerable around someone and being able to trust that they won’t use your flaws against you.
Related: Cute Names for Your Boyfriend
What Does Love Feel Like?
Like we’ve established, love is a roller coaster and everyone feels love differently because we all uniquely view the act of love. Some might view the act of falling in love as a very peaceful experience. Others say it feels like several different emotions hit all at once. The truth is, love can feel blissful and scary all at the same time.
As silly as these feelings might seem, they’re important to experience. As the course of love evolves and changes, so do your emotions. "The feelings you have at the beginning of a relationship, romantic or not, can serve as a base on how your emotions range over your time spent together. As Berg reminds us, "Real, enduring love is built on friendship, trust, and a sincere dedication to each other’s personal and spiritual growth.
Related: 150 Romantic Love Messages and Texts That'll Make Your Special Someone Swoon
5 Signs You Love Someone
1. You Make Plans For the Future
When you truly love someone, you don’t have plans to let them go anytime soon. You know you’re in love when you start to include them in all your future plans, whether it's planning out your next vacation or figuring out where you want to live when your lease is up!
2. You Support Them in Becoming Their Best Self
The longer your relationship goes, the more your partner starts feeling more of an extension of yourself. "When you truly, deeply support your partner’s journey and who they are at their core, at their essence, you know you’re in love," says Berg.
3. You Become More Affectionate Towards Them
When you’re in love with someone, obviously you’re attracted to them. So, it’s only natural that you want to hold hands or have a full-on makeout session on their couch. If you’re repulsed by them, then you’re clearly not in love.
4. They’re on Your Mind All of the Time
If you found the love of your life, chances are they are living up in your head rent-free and you don’t mind one bit—because thinking about them all the time could be a sign you're in love, says Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. "You go out of your way to think of kind and thoughtful things to do for them. It can be a simple thing like filling the car up with gas, or grabbing a six-pack of their favorite imported beer or picking up a simple supermarket bouquet, but it shows thought and a real effort to make someone happy."
5. Everything Feels Exciting and New
Even though you’ve done certain things a million times over, it takes on a new wave of excitement and anticipation when your new beau is involved! For example, even though you may not be a sports lover, you’d be willing to sit through a game or two because the home team is one of your boo thing’s favorite things. Love sparks a new change in you and it makes everything feel new and intriguing.
When you're in love, "You feel more confident," Winston says. "Love can actually boost one's self-esteem. Yes, it’s a cliché that you feel like you’re on Cloud 9, but actually, it does improve your mood and the endorphins kick in to make you feel extra happy."
If the definition of love fits how you feel about your significant other, check out these adorable relationship and couples quotes to send to your sweetie.
