What To Do When Your Kid Has Nightmares
Nightmares are common for children but they can be distressing. Here's how to help them.
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Medically reviewed by Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D.
No one hopes to have a nightmare when they rest their weary head on a cozy pillow. But most people get them every so often, including small children.
It's unclear exactly at what age nightmares start, but by the toddler years, unsettling dreams can be a relatively common occurrence. Luckily, experts say there are effective ways to soothe a frightened child and even help reduce the number of nightmares in the future.
Read on to learn more about nightmares in children, how they differ from night terrors, and how to help a kid who suffers from them.
What Are Nightmares in Children?
Nightmares are not unlike adult nightmares: they’re frightening or upsetting dreams that occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. For adults, REM sleep usually starts about 90 minutes after you fall asleep and comes and goes in cycles. For children, it's about 60-70 minutes.
Nightmares can be distressing for children who don’t yet fully grasp the difference between dreams and reality. Plus, they can be upsetting to parents who want their child to have a happy, restful night’s sleep—rather than one filled with tears and fear.
Still, experts say nightmares, even relatively frequent ones, are normal in kids. Research shows up to 50% of kids ages 3 to 6 have frequent nightmares.
“Brain development is so intense during early childhood and nightmares and dreams are a normal aspect of that brain development,” explains Laura Waters, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles.
What Causes Nightmares?
Parents can rest assured that nightmares are normal for small children, but there are factors that can increase the frequency of them:
Stress or anxiety. Keep in mind, experiences that qualify as stressors for children might not qualify as such for adults. Psychologists say that something as mundane as a trip to a new grocery store or a first action movie may be enough to throw a wrench in a child’s sleep.
Trauma. That can be from a traumatic event like an accident or a natural disaster.
Fear of something heard or seen. Nightmares can be cause by “something they watched on TV or YouTube, something that they read in a book, heard in a story, or saw in a picture,” says Jennifer C. Williams, a licensed professional counselor in Maryland.
Medical conditions. “Sleep apnea or other respiratory issues that cause irregular sleep can also contribute to nightmares,” says Jen Trachtenberg, MD, a pediatrician at Carnegie Hill Pediatrics.
Medications. Certain medicines, and even diet, can also play a part in frequency of nightmares, Trachtenberg adds.
When Do Kids Start Having Nightmares?
There’s some dispute over when children begin having nightmares. As a parent you may wonder, “Can 1-year-olds have nightmares?” or what about infants? According to the Pediatric Sleep Council, it's unlikely that infants have nightmares. But the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says kids can start having them as young as 6 months old. The answer may be unclear because it’s hard for kids this age to express themselves. Still, nightmares tend to peak around age 3 to 6, explains Kyle Good, PhD, a psychotherapist based in Honolulu, Hawaii, who specializes in helping children and adolescents.
The Difference Between Nightmares and Night Terrors
Nightmares and night terrors are very different conditions. Nightmares usually occur in the second half of the night during REM sleep. They’re usually triggered by fears, worries, or stress. “Children are easily awakened from nightmares and can usually be soothed back to sleep,” says Dr. Waters.
On the other hand, night terrors, also called sleep terrors, commonly take place during non-REM stages, usually two to three hours after falling asleep. They happen during deep sleep and seem to occur when transitioning between being awake and asleep.
Lori Baudino, PhD, a child psychologist based in Los Angeles, says night terrors may be unsettling for the parent of a child who experiences them because they may not understand what's going on. “The child may be moving erratically screaming, shouting, wailing, staring blankly, sweating,” she explains. “It will seem like there's something quite disturbing happening." The child may also look like they are awake, although they are not.
But parents can take heart: Dr. Waters says that, while children are likely to remember their nightmares, they rarely recall their night terrors.
While stress and anxiety can cause nightmares, Dr. Trachtenberg says this isn’t usually the cause with night terrors. However, she says being overtired or having irregular sleep patterns can precipitate them. It's also believed that night terrors can be inherited. Luckily, most children will outgrow night terrors by their teenage years.
How Can Parents Help Prevent Nightmares in Children?
Although nightmares can't always be prevented, there are some steps parents can take to help their child’s nightmares happen less frequently.
Focus on healthy sleep habits
Dr. Waters says healthy sleep habits go a long way toward prevention. Making sure the child has an early bedtime and consistent bedtime routine “can help alleviate the overtiredness that often precipitates nightmares,” she says.
Monitor technology use
Parents should be mindful of technology use, in particular intense, scary, or stressful content, especially in the hours before bedtime, as Dr. Waters advises.
Talk about stressors
Dr. Waters says nightmares are all about working out fears and anxieties, so she recommends parents talk through daily stressors with their child. “It’s important to provide emotional support to your child to help soothe any fears or worries that could be eliciting the nightmares,” she says. “Comfort and attunement to your child’s emotions are important in helping them learn to self-soothe.”
Discuss new life changes
Sometimes a life change can cause nightmares. Parents can help by talking about any new change. Dr. Baudino suggests a tactic called “narrating” to observe changes in a child’s world without labeling them as scary. This entails describing new experiences to help children better understand what is happening around them and demystify novel experiences.
She uses an example of a family redecorating their home. “The parent might show the child around, saying, ‘Oh, look, this desk is on the right; it used to be on the left. Oh, look, the walls are blue. They used to be white.’ Parents might ask ‘What is different? What is the same?’ This helps children to navigate what they see.”
How To Comfort a Child After a Nightmare
When comforting a child who has had a nightmare, Dr. Baudino says that “solving” the nightmare can be helpful.
“I tend to approach nightmares optimistically and positively, rather than seeing them as a worry. I see it as an opportunity to get curious,” she says. If a monster is chasing a child in a dream, parents might talk about a smart, or silly, way they might escape. If a child dreams they’re stuck in a cave, the parent might talk about ways they might find a way out.
“Keep the conversational tone light and fun rather than focusing on what’s scary,” adds Dr. Baudino. “Children can be very whimsical and playful. And that's how they learn.”
Williams notes that some children might not remember the dream completely. In this case, parents can encourage their child to draw a picture of what they feel they can remember. From there, parents can help them add a happy ending to the nightmare. “This will create a feeling of safety and control,” she says.
When Should Parents Seek Help
While nightmares are common in kids, Dr. Good points out that if they occur more often than not, or if the child’s anxiety about the nightmares interferes with their normal functioning, parents should consult their pediatrician, a sleep specialist, or a child therapist. He adds that it may be helpful to keep a sleep diary to track bedtimes, sleep duration, and nightmares.
Meanwhile, Dr. Waters warns that frequent nightmares can be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). “Sometimes if a child is having frequent nightmares, it could indicate a potential trauma or acute stressful event,” she says. That would warrant help.
But even if the nightmares don’t seem to be a sign of trauma, Dr. Baudino says that families can gain a lot from seeing a child psychologist and learning about their child’s individual sleep patterns, including how they like to be soothed and what to do when they wake in the middle of the night. “When parents can support their children to have peaceful sleep,” she says, “it’s just going to help them continue to feel their best.”
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