This HR Professional's Speech About What Managers Should Say To Employees Who Quit Has Everyone Commiserating About How Badly They've Been Treated

I think many of us in the working world can say we've let a boss or manager know we're leaving for a different job and gotten this kind of response:

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And then we had the pleasure of feeling SUPER awkward our final two weeks.

But according to Daniel Space (aka @dan_from_hr), a senior HR business partner and consultant from New York City, this is NOT the way it should go down. To show mistreated employees everywhere what it should be like, he posted a video on TikTok in which he acted out the proper resignation speech that bosses and managers should give their resigning employees:

In the video, which has nearly 700k views and thousands of comments, Dan kicks off his speech by telling the imaginary employee, "Congratulations. I am so happy for you and that all of your work paid off. You are going to be missed around here, we're going to miss all of these wonderful things about you."

He continues, "Please do not worry for a minute about any of the work or the transition, the company's gonna be fine. I'm going to be fine, we're just gonna miss you. Please keep in touch, please let us know if there's anything we can do. We'd love to celebrate your success, but we want to respect your privacy. If you'd like to tell us about your job or your position, we would all just love to celebrate you."

Dan ends the speech by saying, "It is an honor for me to see how far you've come, and this is so well-deserved. I hope you got a significant raise and a big title, and I hope you keep in touch."

Thousands of commenters chimed in to say this was NOT exactly what their experience was like when they resigned from their jobs:

Meanwhile, others commented on how hearing Dan's words was "heartwarming" and "healing" after the experiences they'd had:

BuzzFeed reached out to Dan, who said he was inspired to share his speech after a commenter asked for a longer version based on shorter TikToks he'd made exploring the same topic.

"Both videos were 15 seconds long," Dan told BuzzFeed. "One of the people who saw them both sent me a message and said, 'Is there any way you can make a video giving the full speech? I recently resigned and my manager basically said, 'Wow, okay, fine,' and I think I need to hear it."

Dan explained that in his professional opinion, when employees resign, many managers often lack "grace, gratitude, and dignity," in their responses. But, more importantly, they also lack "pride and excitement" for their employees and their new opportunity.

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"Getting a new job offer is one of the most wonderful, thrilling, and exciting things that we as humans experience," he told BuzzFeed. "We brave countless interviews, going through the excitement and rejection cycle, and then all of a sudden, you are on the phone getting an offer including a raise, a bonus, better benefits, and a new opportunity. To have our managers try to guilt us into staying or punish us is really disappointing and potentially traumatizing."

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As for WHY so many bosses and managers miss the mark, Dan said it likely has something to do with them feeling like resignations are a negative reflection on them or their managing style, even though that's not always the case. "I think managers aren't trained or encouraged to recognize that these events should be celebrated, and not feared or negative. It takes some self-awareness and growth to realize that an employee resigning isn't always a negative reflection (though certainly that's also the case sometimes), but more so just a natural result of the transactional relationships of employment."

When asked how he thinks all of this fits into the Great Resignation — aka thousands of employees in the US leaving their jobs for new positions in 2021 and 2022 — he responded, "I think the Great Resignation is going to happen either way, and I'm really happy to see so many employees land better opportunities, better pay, and better situations. But people will definitely leave managers if they don't feel supported or valued. A lot of people in the comments section said something like, 'If my boss had said this to me when I resigned, I don't think I would've left.'"

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Okay, so what SHOULD bosses be doing to not only retain their employees, but also support them when they leave? Dan told BuzzFeed that open communication between employees and their managers is key. "Though it sounds counter-intuitive, I think having very open dialogues with their employees about their growth and opportunities, including potentially moving to other teams, departments, or even other companies actually creates a bond of loyalty. Seeing that someone truly cares about us and our growth enough that they are willing to lose us on their team in order for us to thrive ironically makes us not necessarily want to leave them."

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"Of course, I don't ever want managers to manipulate their staff in this way, but I see it as a frequent occurrence and note that when managers create these kinds of environments with their employees, they usually perform better and stay longer. I love seeing managers who are just as excited as their employees are when they get a new role. I've seen such positive response on both sides — the employee leaves far more excited and happy, and the team takes their direction from the manager to just create an overall environment of, 'We will miss you, but we are happy for you.'"

And for employees who have already made the decision to leave, he recommended two main things for managers to keep in mind: Don't overwhelm those employees with too much transition work, and encourage them to take some time off between now and their new position.

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"I've seen so many situations get really bad when a manager tries to guilt the employee or punish them by loading up with extra work, expecting them to work nights and/or weekends to make the transition happen. Most of us are already starting to check out when we resign, so we are a lot less motivated to keep doing work for our current company. Keep expectations aligned to diminishing returns as the day gets closer."

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Secondly, "Ensure and encourage your employees to think about their time before their next role. We (especially in the US) are accustomed to ending on a Friday with one job and then starting the next one on Monday. Having the ability to take a few weeks between those two roles can be an absolute godsend. We get some time where we aren't stressed or feeling attached to either company or role, and just have the ability to focus on us, spend time with family/friends, do some hobbies, sleep late, and just reconnect with who we are before starting the next role."

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Lastly, Dan asked that everyone rethink their work when it comes to "loyalty" to certain companies: "Neither companies nor employees should try to be 'loyal' to the other, because a person and an entity can't do the same thing. We can be loyal to PEOPLE, but not to organizations."

"The healthiest and most beneficial relationship to have with an organization is to remember it's a business relationship. They pay you to do a job, and either of you can end that relationship at any time. You can bring your best self to work, happily do your best, learn, grow, and make lasting relationships, but none of that should preclude you from being confident and excited for when it's time to go."

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Something to keep in mind the next time you're about to tell your boss you decided to leave for greener pastures! You can follow Dan for even more HR and work-related content on TikTok and Instagram.