Why is there so much shame surrounding formula and breastfeeding?
Breast, bottle, whatever: How You Feed is a shame-free series on how babies eat.
A few months back, singer Michelle Branch took to Twitter to share an unpleasant encounter she'd had while breastfeeding her 6-week-old baby at the playground where her older daughter was playing. According to Branch's tweet, she was confronted by another mother, who chastised her for nursing in public and told her she wasn't "being modest." A stunned Branch said nothing in response, but later wrote that she was "in shock that this kind of judgment was coming from a fellow mom."
And yet, just about any mom who has dared to pull down a sleeve and nurse her baby in the presence of others has, like Branch, been on the receiving end of dirty looks, shaming or sexual objectification. Fame isn't an exemption, either. Model Hunter McGrady told Yahoo Life last year that, as a busty plus-size woman, she got "the most disgusted stares" when she nursed her infant son, while celebrity moms Ashley Graham and Jessica Alba opened up in a 2020 episode of Red Table Talk about being called "gross" for breastfeeding in public. Alba added that she also got criticism for posting a photo of herself giving her then-infant son a bottle, noting, "you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't."
That's putting it mildly. Amid a pandemic that's put undue strain on parents, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) this summer released updated guidelines recommending exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of a child's life, and continued breastfeeding "as long as mutually desired by mother and child for 2 years or beyond." But, as this year's infant formula shortages — and the desperation they induced — demonstrated, breastfeeding isn't an option for countless families, due to nursing struggles and/or a lack of resources, allergies and other medical complications, adoption, surrogacy and myriad other factors, including parental preference and individual needs. Pat suggestions like "just breastfeed" aren't simply unhelpful; they gloss over entire communities and invoke a privilege that is out of reach for many.
Even those who prefer breastfeeding, and are physically capable of doing so, oftentimes lack the cultural and systemic support to sustain the practice in these United States. Months of stalled Build Back Better negotiations saw Congress taking a proposed 12 weeks of federal paid leave off the table and instead pushing forward the Inflation Reduction Act, which includes none of the family-friendly provisions, such as an expanded child tax credit, universal pre-K and reduced childcare costs, many had hoped for. As it is, just 11 states and the District of Columbia offer paid family leave programs. A 2017 report found that only 50.5% of working mothers between the ages of 18 and 34 qualified for 12 weeks of unpaid leave under the Family Medical Leave Act in 2012; a 2012 survey also found that 62% of those who take unpaid or partially paid leave "report financial difficulties," with 46% of those FMLA-eligible employees citing lack of pay as their reason for not taking the leave available to them. And while federal law requires employees to provide breaks and private space for breastfeeding employees to express breast milk, the reality is often a letdown (pun intended).
And so moms pump in dingy bathrooms, or risk their breasts becoming painfully engorged. They nurse on the go, in view of others, and get scolded or sexualized. Some stick with it, and then get shamed for extended breastfeeding. Others make the switch to formula, and are made to feel like they've thrown their child to the wolves. And then suddenly the grocery store shelves are bare, and parents are dealing with a formula crisis, on top of a childcare crisis, on top of a global pandemic, on top of the 10 million other things that parents — particularly mothers — have to worry about. This doesn't even cover the challenges — included a general lack of maternal health support and a complex history with breastfeeding — that are heightened for BIPOC parents. "You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't" barely scratches the surface.
This all brings us to Yahoo Life's new series, How You Feed. Because not every family looks alike or has the same resources or needs, the deeply personal decisions each one makes about how to keep their baby nourished — via breast, bottle, whatever — can vary wildly. In the process, parents are pitted against one another, and a universal, intimate experience becomes fraught and mired in shame and stigma. So, how did we get here? And is there any hope for more support and less judgment? Ahead, we'll be breaking down the fascinating historical roots of wet nurses, formula-shaming and more; talking to experts, activists and influencers in the baby-feeding space; and sharing candid conversations with parents ranging from celebrity moms to the woman who famously breastfeed her toddler on the cover of Time.
We also want to hear from you. If you're a parent, what was your feeding experience like, and how do you feel about it? Tell us in the comments below, or use #ShareHowYouFeed to share your story on social media.
Don't forget to #ShareHowYouFeed! Tag us to share your own feeding journey.
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