The Great British Bake Off 2018: Spice Week - no sign of Emma Bun Tin, but a booze overload and Hollywood goes solo
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want - some cake. Yes, it was Bake Off’s first ever Spice Week.
Sadly, there was no sign of Victoria Sponge Beckham, Melanie Brownie or Emma Bun Tin. Nobody wore a Geri-style Union Jack dress or cracked puns like “Two Become Bun”. Sometimes, readers, I despair.
Instead, here are all the talking points from episode five. Zig-a-zig-ah! Sorry.
Double elimination was harsh but fair
It always seems rather out-of-character when dear old cosy Bake Off has to do something as ruthless as sending two contestants home at once. But after Terry's sickie last week meant nobody was eliminated, we needed to go from nine bakers to seven - which certainly added a frisson of extra danger to the aromatic bakes of Spice Week.
Coming into this episode, twirly-‘tached Terry Hartill and speccy style icon Karen Wright looked most at risk - along with perhaps weepy Bristolian mum Briony Williams, who’d had an iffy few weeks. But the judge, singular (more on that in a moment), ended up having a relatively easy decision because the tent’s two senior bakers struggled throughout all three rounds.
Back from his sickbed, 56-year-old Terry might have wished he’d stayed there. His Caramelised Pear & Stem Ginger Cake was a hot mess, all melted and gluey. He came second last in the technical after his pastry fell to pieces. He attempted too much with his 12 Days Of Christmas showstopper, which was unfinished, messy and blandly flavoured - and ended up looking looked like roadkill.
Terry's exit interview was unexpectedly affecting, as he opened up about how Bake Off had helped him cope with the grief of losing his wife Joanna to cancer 18 months ago, aged just 52 .
"It's funny when you're on your own," he said, welling up at Welford Park. "My wife and I were very happy and that was a massive loss. There wasn't anything to fill the gap, so it's given me a focus. It's been a big help and something I'll remember for a long time." Lumps were in throats on sofas nationwide. Take care, Tel. And come here for a group hug.
Meanwhile, 60-year-old Karen’s Bonfire Night Ginger Cake was too boozy and she came bottom in the technical after getting her two types of ma'amouls the wrong way around. She needed to pull out a spectacular showstopper but her liquorice-and-cardamom Pontefract Girls’ Reunion chandelier was deemed to taste “weird”. A shame for her fellow “brown knicker girls”.
Briony struggled too but Terry and Karen looked truly out of their depth. Their departure was the right decision - and means the average age of the bakers now plummets from 38 to 32. Its getting like Logan’s Run in that marquee.
Poorly Prue meant solo Paul
Wonder if she caught a bug off Terry? Prue Leith was absent for the second half of this episode due to illness and having just one judge felt distinctly odd. Thank goodness the producers weren't tempted to rope in a last-minute replacement, which rarely works on other reality contests.
It meant that Scouse master baker Paul Hollywood was flying solo for the showstopper round. He did just fine and fortunately, only had relatively easy decisions to make, with no tight calls or controversial eliminations.
Get well soon, Prue. We’re assured that she’s back next week to keep the silverback gorilla in check.
Kim-Joy was jumping for, well, joy
The endearingly eccentric Kim-Joy deserved her first Star Baker crown after a week in which she finally combined her undoubted eye for design detail with a flair for flavour.
Her beautifully textured Ginger Steam Cake with Poached Pears had a dinky gingerbread house on top (“I like miniature things,” shrugged Kim-Joy) and earned a Hollywood handshake. She came fourth in the technical with neat, delicate ma’amouls.
Her Christmas Spiced Ice Chandelier showstopper was a sight to behold, with exquisite snowflakes, dripping icicles and warm festive flavours. Kim-Joy even managed to go a week without mentioning her cats. Well played, that lady from Leeds.
Hollywood handshakes ahoy
Is the Hollywood handshake becoming a devalued currency? The formerly hard-to-please Paul doled out three of the coveted congratulatory gestures in the signature round alone.
Maybe he just craves human contact. He should get one of those joke buzzers fitted next week, just to add some jeopardy.
Hairdos, steamy specs and style wars winner
No clear sartorial standout among the show’s four stars this week. Prue Leith, on the day she was there, wore a headache-inducing multi-coloured asymmetric smock which was a bit “Seventies seaside windbreak” and not up her normal chic standards.
Paul Hollywood was in yet another blue shirt (how many does he own?), while Sandi Toksvig sported a cheery cherry print. However, this week’s winner by a nose is Noel Fielding for his on-trend green leaf print and sharp mod-esque hair.
Among the bakers, Terry was working a nautical-but-nice Breton stripe, while Ruby Bhogal unleashed some round Harry Potter glasses - which comedically steamed up when she peered into her oven.
Did you also notice that two bakers had nipped to the hair salon since last week? Rotherham research scientist Rahul Mandal had his bed-head trimmed and looked a little less like a fluffy woodland creature than usual, while Manon Lagreve debuted a pink dip-dye. Ooh la la.
Rahul in box seat at midway stage
This fifth episode marked the midway point of the contest, so let's do a quick half-term report.
Two-time Star Baker Rahul already looks to have a place in the final, and perhaps even the title, sewn up. “You, my friend, are a little genius,” Hollywood told him here, almost in awe. “You surprise me every time.” Ever-modest Rahul ended up apologising for being too good. He ran Kim-Joy closest for Star Baker and is yet to have a bad week.
The other two potential finalists could come from the trio of creative Kim-Joy, consistent Dan Beasley-Harding and rapidly improving Ruby.
Devoted Welsh dad Jon Jenkins had a poor week by his solid standards and could be one messy bake away from elimination. Manon risks becoming known for style over substance, while Briony looks next in line for the chop.
Pastry Week next time
As the contest enters its home stretch, it’s all about rough puff, flaky and shortcrust next Tuesday. Get your rolling pins ready and see you back here for a doughy debrief.