‘Good food, good sex, good clothes’: How Michelle Buteau lives her best life at 47

“Wassup?!” Michelle Buteau says as we’re connected on Zoom. She then throws up two peace signs, immediately setting the tone for our interview ahead of the Season 2 premiere of Netflix’s Survival of the Thickest. Within seconds of meeting, it's clear that Buteau has a natural ability to make a person laugh because I'm already cracking up, despite my best efforts to be professional.

Yahoo Life’s Unapologetically series has brought us together, but our conversation feels more like a masterclass in confidence and a private comedy show. At 47 years old, she’s more sure of herself than ever — and that’s thanks to her younger years, which she gets to reflect on as the writer and actress of her show’s protagonist, Mavis Beaumont, a woman who starts her life over after catching her boyfriend cheating on her.

“I could not write about this single girl in her late 30s in New York City without being a grown-ass woman in my 40s. I know who that chick is,” says Buteau, who assures me that her character’s age is very intentional. “She’s not gonna be 25, she’s not gonna be 30, she’s gonna be in her late 30s, which is such a different pivotal time for women. All my friends had this thing at 38 where we’re just like, we don’t have much time.” And she doesn’t mean that in a bad way.

With more experience and less time comes less care about what others think, which, according to Buteau, is the key to chasing and achieving dreams. Here, she shares more about how embracing authenticity and comedy has led her to her happiest decade yet.

What’s the best part of this decade for you?

It's this realization that you have less time to live and you've lived more time than you have [left]. That's why it's just like no f***ing around. I'm going to do what I want to do, I'm going to ask for what I need and I'm not going to apologize.

People see you as really confident and self-assured. Is that something that has come with age?

To me, confidence is just another word for happiness. I am at peace. I've been through it.

I did the tap dancing for the patriarchy, my knees f***ing hurt, my feet are tired. I'm not doing it anymore.

I found a guy that loves me. We make each other better people and I don't need [anyone else’s] opinion to shape my life. I'm going to be the example for my kids that I never had, mainly because now I understand my mom and the women in my family who grew up in a generation where they weren't allowed to express themselves and be in their power.

How has comedy allowed you to be your most authentic self?

Once I got into comedy, I really found my space and my tribe and my voice. I think you have to be pushing yourself to evolve, to be vulnerable, to figure out what you need to get over to get to that side of comedy.

Having a very crazy five-year IVF journey with four miscarriages to finally welcome my twins to the world through surrogacy, I feel like when I talked about them in my special Welcome to Buteaupia, I earned those tired mom jokes. I was proud of them. I feel like every tired parent joke I do, I've earned that shit, you know? So it isn't me just playing into a trope. It feels like a privilege to be tired from [parenthood] on the other side of that [struggle].

Fashion is a big part of your show. How do you feel about the concept of “dressing your age”?

It's like whatever fits you, just do. Stop subscribing to the same email. Self-expression is everything. I really wish more people would lean into it. You're just like, I don't know how no one's ever taught me that I should be creative and that might matter. It does. It's mental health, it makes you feel good.

Good food, good sex, good clothes. Get into it.

Sex is another! Why should women over 40 be talking about sex?

I mean, I think it always comes down to this unrealistic patriarchal standard. Like, women are having sex for the male gaze. It's all about, what do men think? Do I look good for men?

Now it’s about you liking your body for sex, but it’s also more than that. It's you’re feeling comfortable enough to ask for more money. It's you feeling comfortable to speak up in spaces where you were taught you're not supposed to be. It's all of that because when one thing happens, everything else should happen.

How has your relationship with your body changed as you’ve gotten older?

My body matured just so quickly. I was like 11 or 12 when I had this body. And that's very crazy. So I had to take a lot on and unpack for a good while what it means to be sexual.

I looked older. A lot of people thought I was like the teacher in class. I'm like, are you kidding me? But it was the clothes I was getting, too, because like there were no cute plus-size situations. And so I was kind of like an old soul. And I feel like an old soul definitely becomes a young spirit because now I'm having fun, I feel fly, it’s functional.

You definitely have a young spirit. How old do you feel?

Twenty-four was such a big year for me because I moved to New York City from Miami out of college. And I also started stand-up that year. With comedy, if you do it right, you're always giddy and you're always like a kid, you know. So I feel like I'm forever 24. But don't tell my doctor because she's like, ‘You’re pre-diabetic.’ And that's not 24-year-old s***. I don’t even know how to spell "sciatica" but I know she’s coming!