We Found at Least 2 Lovable Things About The Bachelorette’s Insufferable Male Model Jordan Kimball
From the moment Bachelorette suitor and caricature-of-a-male-model Jordan Kimball eyed the camera and said, “My brand is the pensive gentleman,” I knew he would become the stuff of GIF legend—and he did not disappoint.
So here I am, back to look deep into another Bachelorette contestant’s past, and I interrupt the news cycle about Garrett, the First Impression Rose earner now known for his aggressively ignorant, insensitive, and not-bangable social media activity to focus on Jordan, the 26-year-old Crystal River, Fla., native who's made every viewer's jaw drop.
What we know about Jordan from last week's premiere: He’s got cheesy lines on lock (“The power is in the brows,” “I wanted her to hear the tapping of the shoes I wore because it’s like the heartbeat of a gentleman,”), a massive ego peppered with no self-awareness, and terrible time management skills (he spent six hours picking out a simple, gray suit for night one!).
On night one, Jordan makes his likes and dislikes very known. He hates his beloved fellow contestant Adam, aka Chicken Man, and thinks that the hipster-chic, no-socks, no-tie trend is morally offensive. Both personally and professionally, Jordan is invested in fashionable looks. Which involves having a constant tan, a year-round "summer body," and Instagram-ready hair. He holds every other man to these standards too. It’s equal parts annoying and impressive. Jordan truly cares about pocket squares and what they says about a man's commitment to courtship. If Jordan lasts a few more weeks, he’ll become the anti-hero this season needs. Or, at the very least, its resident stylist.
What’s also clear about Jordan, is that, despite fan convictions that his vapid persona is a comedic stunt, he’s himself through and through. I really don’t think there’s a marked difference between the Jordan we see on TV and the Jordan he is IRL. According to an Adonis Male Modeling forum, Jordan once said of himself, “Hello to all, the industry is becoming a self manageable workplace so I'm here to represent myself and book jobs with your brand, work with creative and energetic photographers and give advice to other models. Instagram is Jordan__kimball for more of my port work.”
Other modeling success of Jordan’s include being a cover man. While he includes the hashtags #menshealth and #vogue in his caption, the shoot is in fact for John Craig, a magazine for a local Florida men’s store. (Other hashtags include: #malemodel #model #fashion #lifestyle #lamodelsmen #fit #miami#southbeach #newyork #menshair #mensfashion #mensstyle #wilhelmina#gym #health #igfit #igfitfam #igfitness #mensfashionreview #abs #photooftheday #photography #instagram #eatclean #nutrition.) He looks like he’s about to give the reader a stern talking to, but it’s a start and a nice consolation, since chances are he won’t get that coveted People cover at the end of Becca’s journey.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.