Every Kind of Cheese, Ranked from Ew to OMG
It’s no secret that cheese is the best food in the history of the universe, but not all cheeses are created equal. Some are life-changing (oh hey, fresh mozzarella) while others are lame (ahem, cottage cheese). So we decided to make a definitive ranking of 34 kinds.
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34. American
Makes a passable grilled cheese if you’re at a diner and it’s 4 a.m. That’s about it.
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33. Cottage Cheese
Huh? We were so bored we fell asleep.
32. Limburger
Call us crazy, but we don’t want our charcuterie board smelling like feet.
31. Camembert
…Or ammonia.
30. Stilton
…Or an old gym bag.
29. Gorgonzola
Fine, we’ll eat it on a salad if there’s no feta.
28. Swiss
We can eat twice as much because of the holes, right?
27. Humboldt Fog
Don’t worry: It smells worse than it tastes.
26. Roquefort
Amazing in small doses.
25. Cream Cheese
If it’s slathered on a bagel, we’re in.
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24. Parmesan
On every bowl of pasta forever, please.
23. Ricotta
On its own, yawn. In pasta? YEP.
22. MASCARPONE
Ditto, but with cannoli.
21. Gouda
Ehh. We’ll eat it on a cheese plate, but we’re not staying up all night thinking about it.
20. Feta
With watermelon? Yes, please.
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19. Monterey Jack
Making all of our quesadilla dreams come true.
18. Muenster
We’re suckers for those little red edges.
17. Chèvre
Goat cheese instantly makes everything fancy.
16. Havarti
Dill is optional (but highly recommended).
15. Taleggio
Fontina’s smoother (but slightly smellier) sister.
14. Colby
When you can’t decide between Swiss and cheddar. #Cheeseproblems.
13. Provolone
On every sandwich for the rest of our lives, please.
12. Gruyère
The tasty star of our fondue parties.
11. Pecorino Romano
You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten cacio e pepe smothered with Pecorino Romano. You just haven’t.
10. Fontina
Mmm, the meltiest.
9. Grana Padano
It’s Parmesan’s super-classy cousin.
8. Jarlsberg
Like Swiss, but a million times more flavorful.
7. Brie
Baked: the greatest holiday recipe that we secretly eat all year.
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6. Cotija
Más tacos, por favor.
5. Asiago
Melt it, eat it cold, shred it on bread and bake it…this cheese is basically perfect.
4. Manchego
Slice it thin and pair it with fruit--it’s pretty much the best summer snack ever.
3. Cheddar
The sharper the better. Especially on BECs.
2. Mozzarella
Somewhere between slice two and slice three is our happy place.
1. Burrata
Hands down, the best food in the universe. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some night cheese to work on.
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