Etiquette Experts Share The Biggest Mistakes Made At Southern Weddings

Celebrate their “I Dos” without committing these major don’ts.

If you’ve ever attended a Southern wedding—or you’ve seen Steel Magnolias—you’re well aware that weddings in this part of the world subscribe to their own sets of rules and traditions: stationed, buffet-style dinners are perfectly appropriate; there’s no such thing as too many bridesmaids; and an armadillo is suitable inspiration for a cake. “Southerners are known to be friendly and pride themselves on being casual and engaging,” says Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “However, that does not mean you should loosen the reins on your manners when it comes to weddings.” With that in mind, we’ve rounded up the worst etiquette blunders made at these grand affairs, according to our experts.

Meet the Experts

• Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, author of "Modern Etiquette for a Better Life," and founder of The Protocol School of Texas.
  

• Amy Rainer is the owner of Birmingham, Alabama-based Etiquette with Amy.

• Eden Ellis Hatch is the owner of Ellis Event Design, a full-service wedding planner in Charleston, South Carolina.

• Caroline Spelman is the founder and creative director of floral design studio Juniper & Jasmine in Charleston, South Carolina.
  

Failing To RSVP On Time—Or Worse, Not At All

We’ll admit that we’ve experienced the horror of unearthing a wedding response card well after its due date, but that doesn’t make it right. You should always “RSVP in a timely manner,” says Gottsman. To avoid committing the faux pas of a tardy or forgotten reply, respond to the invitation as soon as possible. If you can’t answer immediately, keep the reply card in a place where it’s easily visible and won’t be lost in the shuffle. Firm up your plans as soon as possible so that you’re able to drop the response card in the mail well in advance of the deadline.

Bringing An Uninvited Guest

While some things in life allow for a little nuance in their interpretations, a wedding invitation is not one of them. The envelope will tell you exactly who’s invited. “Be mindful that the guest list has been thoughtfully put together with great consideration given to the number of people included,” says Amy Rainer, founder of Birmingham, Alabama’s Etiquette with Amy. “Only bring a guest with you if your invitation specifically includes a ‘plus one.’” The same rule applies to your kids, notes Gottsman. “Do not ask if you can bring your four children when the invitation is only made out to you and one guest. It puts the couple in a difficult situation.”

Wearing White

While the strict wedding dress code rules of old don't always apply these days (black, for instance, is no longer a total no-no), any shade of white remains off the table. "And no—ivory or cream aren't okay either," says Eden Ellis Hatch, the wedding planner behind Ellis Event Design in Charleston, South Carolina. "My rule of thumb is if you have to ask, 'Does this have too much white?', don't wear it."

Being Too Attached To Your Cell Phone

It’s tempting to capture the perfect shot of the newlyweds to post on Instagram, but the couple didn’t hire you for the job. “Put your cell phone away. Let the professional take pictures during the ceremony and the reception without you jumping in front of the camera,” says Gottsman. If you do snap some images, don’t post them prematurely, she advises: “You never want to be the first to post a picture of the couple. Unless they specifically request you take pictures with a hashtag for their wedding, be respectful of their decision to post first.”

Finding A Seat Wherever You Please

Seating arrangements and place cards exist for a reason, says Hatch. "While it might be more fun for Uncle Chris and cousin Craig to sit next to one another to rehash their golf game from the last family gathering, please do not rearrange your seats," she advises. "The couple has spent a lot of time coming up with a seating chart and working with their vendors to make sure they know who is sitting where. The caterer typically follows this seating chart to know who is eating beef versus fish, and the planner knows your mom's best friend is allergic to tree nuts. I promise you, there is a reason you are seated where you are, so hang tight. You can mingle with others after dinner concludes!"

Treating The Flowers Like Toys

While a fun-loving guest may find it tempting to pull a bloom or two from a centerpiece, it’s best to leave the florals untouched. “Sometimes, people reuse arrangements from the rehearsal dinner to the wedding, or from the wedding to a brunch the following day,” says Caroline Spelman, founder and creative director of Charleston, South Carolina-based floral design company Juniper & Jasmine. If the arrangements are pulled apart at the end of the night, it creates more work for the florists—and unnecessary expense for the hosts.

Standing For The Bride—But Not Until The Mother Does First

This is one old-school rule that Hatch will vouch for every time. "Tradition says that the mother of the bride should lead the guests on when to rise for [the bride's entrance] during the ceremony," says Hatch. "Over my years in the wedding industry, I have noticed that a lot of people don't know this tradition. While it may have fallen by the wayside, I think it is a lovely practice worth keeping in mind. The next wedding you attend, make sure Mom has had her moment to see her daughter begin to process, and use that as your cue on when to rise."

Announcing Big News

You may find it appalling that this even needs to be addressed, but based on the videos we’ve seen on Facebook and TikTok, it appears that we must: “Never, and I mean ever, propose to your partner at someone else’s wedding,” warns Gottsman. “It takes the focus off of the newlyweds.” Save your public declarations and major life announcements for another day; your time will come.

Related: 7 Things You Might Not Know Before Attending Your First Southern Wedding

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