My child might have an eating disorder — how can I talk to them about it during the holidays?
Holidays can be a stressful time for families.
This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Contact a qualified medical professional before engaging in any physical activity, or making any changes to your diet, medication or lifestyle.
This story makes mention of eating disorders that may be disturbing to some of our audience. To find support, contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre at 1-866-NEDIC-20.
The holiday season is a time for celebration, family gatherings and indulging in delicious meals. However, for some families, this festive period can be challenging, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like eating disorders.
To help parents navigate this often-stressful time, Yahoo Canada spoke with Ary Maharaj, a psychotherapist who is also the outreach coordinator at the National Eating Disorder Information Centre, on eating disorders and how to talk about them.
Read on for everything you need to know.
What are eating disorders?
Eating disorders go beyond food, according to Maharaj, involving a complex interplay of biological, psychological and social factors.
It's crucial for parents to recognize that an eating disorder reflects a person's response to stress and challenges in their life. These stresses "lead to a persistent disturbance in eating and eating-related behaviors that affect someone's health, Maharaj explained.
He emphasized parents also need to recognize that comments about weight and body image can contribute to this problem. "Receiving weight and body-related comments from loved ones can fall under some of those social factors that can fuel thoughts and feelings central to a person's eating disorder."
The impacts of eating disorders extend to both mental and physical health, with symptoms ranging from distorted body image to rigid eating habits and potential organ system issues.
What are the signs of eating disorders in youth?
There are mental and physical health symptoms and consequences of eating disorders. Some of these include
Distress around what their body looks like
Body dysmorphia
Rigid thoughts and feelings around food (counting calories, removing whole food groups)
Moralizing food ("good" versus "bad")
Exhaustion, tiredness and fatigue
Irritability, especially in young people
For parents of neurodivergent children, Maharaj noted eating disorders can be unrelated to body image, but rather sensitivity to smells and textures. "It goes beyond picky eating, but they feel almost like sick... You can see and hear the visceral rejection of foods that feel uncomfortable to them."
The crappy thing about an eating disorder to is that there are really visceral biological consequences," Maharaj said. He explained eating is important for physical development and brain function especially in youth. "If they're not fed, they're going to be a little more irritable, and it is also then going to make their stomach growl, they might feel faint, they might feel dizzy."
This can cause changes to the body.
Eating is the fuel that we need to get those organ systems to all function.Ary Maharaj
"In young people that can get as disastrous as their brain losing mass, because weight loss can happen from anywhere in their body, and that's mass that can't always be recovered," Maharaj said.
How do I know if my kid has an eating disorder?
Eating disorders often manifest during puberty, but Maharaj noted eating disorders are "as diverse as people that they affect."
In Canada, they commonly begin between the ages of 10 and 13, when youth might start to realize they even have a body, "and that other people have opinions about their body."
Maharaj advised parents to pay attention to their children's conversations during mealtimes, observing Some potential signs can include:
rejecting previously enjoyed foods
changes in exercise habits
increased guilt around eating
avoidance
The expert suggested parents trust their gut feelings and initiate conversations that go beyond the visible signs, exploring their child's emotions.
How to talk to kids about eating disorders
If parents notice signs of an eating disorder, Maharaj advised initiating conversations from a place of concern and curiosity. Using "I" statements to express worry and locating themselves emotionally can create a safe space for the child to open up. Parents should also choose moments when their child is comfortable for these talks.
Maharaj explained being informed is also crucial. "Almost everyone has an opinion on food, weight and shape. We have learned that through our own cultures, how we were raised, potentially in our own education or training, or in the messages we've seen in the media."
We've maybe been a bit unchecked with our sharing of opinions about food and body image.Ary Maharaj
He added it's important to not push youth into opening up if they're not ready, and to focus on the emotional and mental wellbeing rather than what you're seeing (like weight loss, for example).
An example of a question could be:
"I'm worried about you, you don't seem like yourself lately, what's been going on?"
Or, parents who want to be more direct can ask:
"I've noticed changes in your eating lately, you're not finishing the lunch that I give you and that's concerning. I'm here and I care, can we talk about this?"
When should I seek help for my child's eating disorder?
According to Maharaj, it's never too early to seek help.
"The first time you notice something is an OK time to reach out. iI it's a concern for you, it's a concern to us," he assured.
The earlier an eating disorder is spotted and treated, the better.
However, for immediate medical attention parents need to look at physical indicators like fainting, chest pains, GI issues and dizziness. "Those are signs that you might want to escalate that conversation really quick," Maharaj claimed.
Seeking professional help is encouraged, and the National Eating Disorder Information Centre provides anonymous and free services to offer support, resources and information.
Anyone, including youth, can reach out to a NEDIC helpline or live chat for support. The number for the toll-free helpline is 1-866-633-4220 and its email is: [email protected].
Youth struggling with mental health can also use an anonymous texting service available 24/7 with Kids Help Phone, by texting CONNECT to 686868.
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